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Posted by on Mar 16, 2024 in Blog | 0 comments

Religious Ridiculousity #4

 

 

RELIGIOUS RIDICULOUSITY #4

We’re promised a paradise. An eternal nirvana. Faith’s reward is a paid-off mortgage inside the gated kingdom of heaven, preferably on a cul-de-sac with a swimming pool.

However, I see a problem. The neighbors. What’s up with all these Christians? This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful life. How did I get here? What’s this holy place called — the Jim Bakker Estates?

Questions: Who wants to spend all of eternity in a world of Bible thumpers? Christian nationalists? Evangelicals? Anti-abortion activists? People against drinking and gambling? Some of these fundamentalist fanatics even believe dancing is sinful. Dancing! Man, these block parties really suck.

Think about it. Every single day and night for the next million years, it’s all Jesus-all the time. Bible studies and choir practice. Pastors. Preachers. Priests. Church ladies. “Amazing Grace” on autoplay. Re-runs of The 700 Club on the GOD Network running 24/7. Libraries stocked with books by Father Coughlin, Jerry Falwell, Franklin Graham, and Joel Osteen. Christian heaven.

Wait — no shore leave or liberty? No AC/DC headbanger heavy metal nights? No tequila shots? No card games? No craps shooters? No premarital sex?

Living in such a place for eternity doesn’t just sound terrible. It would bore most of us to death. It would be cruel and unusual punishment. In fact, the more I know about this placed called “heaven,” the more it sounds like holy hell.

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