Hegseth Spins Facts and Spews Bullsh*t

KEGS-BREATH SPINS THE FACTS AND SPEWS THE BULLSHIT

Sycophant of Defense, Peter “Kegs-breath” Hegseth’s bumbling press conference early this morning should have been an SNL skit. No need to hire an actor, though Jim Carey as Ace Ventura: Pet Detective nailed the creepy-cringe best. Or perhaps it was LIAR LIAR.

Kegger’s lengthy list of ludicrous lies, errrr I mean “responses” to media questions on Wednesday about the so-called Iran-U.S. “ceasefire” [1] was an astonishing display of self-delusion. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. All that was missing from the clown circus was the rampaging gorilla pounding his chest with a calliope as the soundtrack.

da da da da dada….da da da da dada…dunda da dunda….dunda dunda da da…..

[Note 1: “Ceasefire,” my ass! Not even 18 hours have yet passed and meanwhile — Israel continues its ruthless military aggression in this unprovoked war with multiple attacks on Iran both yesterday and today. In their tit-for-tat response, Iran re-launched further attacks this morning on a number of Gulf-nation targets, including Kuwait. Oh, and Israel blasted more missiles into defenseless Lebanon today, more than any period of the war, so far — with more than 1,000,000 already homeless from that deliberate orchestrated war crime……..and this is a CEASEFIRE? Perhaps someone can define what a fucking “WAR” is to me!]

Watching and listening to Christian Nationalist Kegs-breath bragging about “peace in our time,” you’d think World War II had just ended. This wasn’t a cock walk, it was a chicken dance. We witnessed the boyish bluster and bravado that one expects out on a second-grade playground during recess quarreling over who gets to kick the ball.

By the way, Kegger, pro-tip: Those limp-ass suits you always wear look like they were plucked off a final clearance rack at Burlington. You look like you should be delivering a local weather report in Paducah, not representing the entire United States armed forces. Please. Go out and buy a decent suit–you can probably charge it to the taxpayer.

Quoting the bombastic self-congratulatory dimwit:

“[Iran] thought they could bleed America with impunity. Well, they just learned the hard way what happens when you try to fight us directly. The Iranians, humiliated and demoralized [2] — we control their fate, not the other way around. That’s why they came to the table.”

[Note 2: Huh? What? Excuse me? Run that by me again? I must be hearing things. What did you have for breakfast, Mr. Secretary — a keg of Bloody Mary’s? You say the Iranians were in your own words, “humiliated and demoralized?” Hmm, you might want to look at the scenes from Tehran today, ….pause.
Note to Sec. Hogsbreath: Tehran is the capital of Iran. Now, please continue….
….where they were waving Iranian flags and dancing in the streets. In fact, everyone living in the real world of sanity outside the crazed MAGAsphere recognized that Iran ******WON****** this conflict, at least to date, even if temporarily.

Putting it in words that perhaps Kegger can understand, if this was halftime of a football game, you’re LOSING right now by two touchdowns, and your quarterback is Ryan Leaf hooked up to an oxygen tank and your coach is the guy calling plays for the New York Jets. But hey, ANY LIE gets swallowed by the dirt dumb MAGA base, reported on the FUX NEWS Network. Blowing tens of billions of dollars and getting humiliated on the world stage is what masquerades as “winning” in the Republic of Trumpistan.]

Continuing:

“You see, had Iran refused our terms, the next targets would have been their power plants, bridges, and oil and energy infrastructure, targets they could not defend and could not realistically rebuild. We were locked and loaded. President Trump had the power to cripple Iran’s entire economy in minutes. But he choose mercy.”

Ooooof! Medic! Sorry, I just busted a testicle. What ??? Did he really say this? Trump “choose MERCY.” ???

You mean the same pedo-madman who only days ago threatened to bomb a country “back in the Stone Age” and “wipe out an entire civilization?” You mean that Ambassador of Mercy?

Let’s be clear: First, Iran did not “accept U.S. terms.” Quit. Fucking. Lying. Trump’s family bungalow of corrupt insider-trading flunkies accepted Iran’s terms. Remember, the repeatedly-stated Trump demand that the Strait of Hormuz be opened to shipping immediately? Well, guess what there, Sport. Guess who still controls that vital traffic waterway and is now even charging million-dollar tolls on all shipping? Go ahead, say it, admit it — it’s IRAN! You barking ass-lung.

Facts show, the United States gained NOTHING so far from this self-defeating, murderous, crazy crusade of a fiasco. The Trump regime was outplayed, out-negotiated, outmaneuvered, and ultimately humiliated by a bunch of Islamic fanatics…..which is pretty goddamned sad when you think about it. Seeing all the clever and creative social media posts by various Iranian officials who bitch-slapped and kicked ass was the ultimate illustration of shame. It’s pretty sad when your getting punked on social media by people whose minds are rooted in the 12th Century.

The final exchange with Kegs-breath is perhaps the most revealing of all:

– Media Question: “Iran has continued striking targets well into this morning. At what point are we beyond a grace period?”

– Sec. Hegseth Replies: “Iran would be wise to get the carrier pigeon to their troops out in remote locations to know not to shoot, not to shoot any longer.”

– Media Response: “But they’re still firing ballistic missiles!”

– Sec. Hegseth Replies: “Excuse me, why are you so rude?”

Just ——- wow.

So weak and pathetic. My fellow Americans, this guy calls himself the “Secretary of War.”

If a war had a sad clown face, this is it.