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Posted by on Apr 16, 2020 in Blog, Essays | 2 comments

Scottie Pippen: Nobody Gives a Fuck….


Scottie Pippen


“It probably is a good thing [I was fired], right?  I like to associate myself with winning.”

— Scottie Pippen, after being let go by the Chicago Bulls after years of leeching off the ex-player-NBA tit like a tic on a pig’s ass





Okay, I have no idea why this irritates the fuck out me, but here it goes.

1. Nobody gives a fuck.

2. Nobody gives a fuck about an ex-player in his 50s who won six championship rings because he happened to be the luckiest motherfucker on the planet who hit the draft lottery getting to play next to Michael Jordan who now thinks of himself as a drafting and personnel expert.

3. Nobody gives a fuck about an NBA executive who has given consulting advice that’s produced a .443 winning percentage for his underachieving garbage team since he was sucking in fat paychecks.

4. Nobody gives a fuck about a lucky ex-jock still trying to leech sugary paychecks, except for the hundreds of brainy nerds he shut out of jobs who actually went to school, studied hard, and lived and breathed NBA management for decades but instead had to take shit jobs because “Scottie” creamed the payroll and pretended to be calling the shots.

5. Nobody gives a fuck about a dude that retired 20 years ago unless he’s signing autographs at a sports and memorabilia show.

6. Nobody gives a fuck *you’re upset* about losing your $1.3 million-a-year “consulting gig, plus box seats at all the Bulls games. Try to live on the scraps of what you didn’t blow, asshole.

7. Nobody gives a fuck.

Go draw unemployment, jerkoff.

Over and done. I have lots more if anyone likes rants. Took me three minutes to write, but I feel much better now.



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Posted by on Feb 9, 2019 in Blog, Essays | 2 comments

Are You Ready for Some….



Don’t look now, but a new professional football league debuts tonight.  Well, I have a few comments.


Are you ready for some….

….I can’t bear to type this next word, but here it goes….

….football ???

A new professional football league debuts tonight.  The premature infant of a fling that should have been aborted the instant some rich dude in the back of a limo presumably blurted out, “hey, let’s start a new football league!” will be officially known as the “Alliance of American Football.”  Blare the tinfoil trumpets.  Call in Larry Greenfield to sing our national anthem.

I shit you not, my friends.  Just in case you missed the Super Bowl-shattering “I wish it were #fakenews” non-story, don’t fret — you’re not alone.  No one else has heard of the “AAF” either.

Curious and desperately in need of a new column on what’s typically the slowest traffic day for bloggers, I typed the three letters “AAF” into a Google search engine and — voila!

This is what popped up:


Okay, let’s just say the AAF is a “work in progress.”  Translated, that means no one knows what they’re doing nor has a clue what’s going on.  This league is going to make the Trump White House look like Daimler-Benz.

As of this morning, the Arizona Hotshots are still looking for a head coach.  Interested in the job?  Word is, if you can be at the Home Depot parking lot in North Glendale ready for work at 6 pm, you’ve got the position.  Oh, and the game starts at 7.  Bring your own headset and bottles of Gatorade.  English as a first language not required.

No health insurance.  No benefits.  No vacation time (unless the league folds).  Perfect job for the “self-starter.”  The league’s fitness program consists of running to the bank every payday to make sure the check doesn’t bounce.

Let’s be honest.  Launching a new football league might be the worst idea of all time — this not counting William Shatner performing this eye-popping, unintentionally hilarious 1978 cover of the Elton John-Bernie Taupin classic, “Rocket Man.”


So, you think I’m bullshitting.  You think I made the name “Arizona Hotshots” up, didn’t you?

No, that’s really the team name.  The Hotshots.  How’d you like that on your resume?  I will say one thing.  Site unseen, without knowing any of the players, I make the Hotshots a “pick” against the Arizona Cardinals, provided that Josh Rosen takes all snaps for the red birds.

Natural curious, t took me three clicks and half a glass of Zinfandel to finally find out which second-tier American cities will actually have an AAF team this debut season.  It appears the death list of decapitated dreamers includes Birmingham, San Antonio, Orlando, Salt Lake City, Memphis, Atlanta, and….and….and…..

….I can’t bear to type this next word, but here it goes….

San Diego.

Seriously….San Diego.

San Diego couldn’t keep the fucking Chargers in town!  Do you seriously think anyone’s going to buy a ticket to go see the San Diego Fleet?

While doing a web search, I was particularly amused by this ground shaking announcement that nobody else apparently saw, except me and maybe the guy who wrote it.  According to the press release, Aaron Murray and Christain Hackenberg HIGHLIGHTED the QB’s taken in this year’s draft.  Highlighted!  Presumably, Ryan Leaf and Joe Kapp weren’t available.

To be clear, an alternative pro football league to the established NFL did succeed in the past.  Once.  Too bad, that was 59 years ago.  The AFL was formed because the older league and TV networks were slow to react to a national hunger for more football.  Back then there were a dozen NFL teams and three television networks.  Now, there are 3,000 TV networks, and half of them right now are showing the creepy guy selling the colon cleanse product.  More football?  Does anyone other than Tom Brady want to see another football game for the next six months?

Fuck no!

So, while the AFL succeeded before I was born, at least three football leagues have self-imploded since then.  The alphabet soup of dead football leagues looks like a losing Scrabble tray in a dementia ward.  WFL.USFL.XFL.  It’s to the point where the only way to possibly compete is to make up a word.  Gee, is “WLUX” a word, Alex?

Dumb shits.  This ship to nowhere is going to blow through millions.  It’s about as promising as backing Newt Gingrich in a presidential campaign.  By the way, Newt — just in case you’re reading….6 pm at Home Depot, partner.  I know it’s been a while since you last worked and anyone took you seriously.

I have zero interest in watching this bullshit football league.

Oh, wait.

You can bet it?  You can wager on the games?

Seriously?  There are real lines in Las Vegas on the AAF?



Ahh, fuck it.  Give me the San Diego Fleet +3 tonight versus San Antonio.


Note:  Follow the Facebook discussion on this topic here:



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Posted by on Nov 14, 2018 in Blog, Essays, Sports Betting | 0 comments

Mud is Beautiful: Is the NFL Going Too Soft?



The NFL has just announced that next Monday Night’s Football game will be shifted from Mexico City to Los Angeles.  Screw the locals who bought tickets.  Trash all the planning and travel plans undoubtedly made by some fans.  Just flip a giant middle finger to Mexico.

What’s the reason?  Riots?  Political unrest?  Safety?  Volcanoes?  An earthquake?

None of the above.

Try this on for size:  A soft playing field.

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Posted by on Nov 12, 2018 in Blog, Essays, Sports Betting | 2 comments

If the Best College Football Team Played the Worst NFL Team What Would the Pointspread Be?



What would the pointspread be on a hypothetical game between the Alabama Crimson Tide versus the Oakland Raiders?  Or, the New York Jets?  Or, the Cleveland Browns?

Let’s agree — Alabama is the best college football team in the country.  The Tide has been college football’s premier powerhouse for the last decade.  Nick Saban, Alabama’s head coach, has won nearly 90 percent of his games.  He’s compiled an astonishing 142-20 career record while at Alabama.  By contrast, no NFL head coach comes anywhere close to that winning percentage.  The closest pro football coach to Saban’s numbers, not surprisingly, is Bill Belichick.  His career W-L record of 252-120 with the New England Patriots translates into roughly a 68 percent winning percentage.  No doubt, Alabama is a great program — one of the best teams in college football history.

Next, let’s examine the W-L records of three very bad NFL franchises, at the moment.  We’ll look at the Raiders, Jets, and Browns, each of which appears to be headed towards a last-place finish, this season.  Since the Raiders have a 1-8 record, let’s start with them, at the very bottom of most power rankings.

Radio talk shows and online sports forums are often ripe with wild speculation when there’s a bad NFL team that’s really struggling.  Some misguided sports fans even claim the worst pro team would have a difficult time beating a top-ranked college football program.  I’ve actually heard and read these types of comments many times.  The hyperbole goes, the bad pro team is so bad they would lose to the best college team.

Allow me to respond in as polite a fashion as is possible:

This claim is complete bullshit. 

There is no way a college football team, even one as talented as Alabama, would be able to stay in the same playing field with an NFL team.  A Canadian Football League team or an Arena Football League team, even though they’re also professionals, might be closer in skill to the college program.  That might make for a competitive matchup.  But any one of the NFL’s 32 teams is far superior to anything on the college gridiron.  The disparity isn’t even close.

Why is there such vast difference exist between the pro and college ranks?  Here are some of the primary reasons:

  1.  Talent
  2.  Experience
  3.  Size
  4.  Strength
  5.  Weight
  6.  Speed
  7.  Coaching
  8.  Conditioning
  9.  Motivation
  10.  Money

No college team can match the inherent advantages of even the worst NFL team based on any of the ten parameters listed above.  A bad pro team would trounce any one of the greatest college teams in history.  And, the score wouldn’t be close.  It would be a rout on the level of when a top Division 1 school plays versus a Division II school.  Typically, those fiascos are decided by seven or eight touchdowns.  They’re pretty much over at kickoff.

So, what would the pointspread be on a game between college and pro teams?  To estimate, we must establish a few guidelines.  First, let’s agree the pro team will play all-out to win for the full 60 minutes.  We presume the NFL team won’t tank, nor rest its starting players.  Let’s also agree that both teams are fully healthy.  Finally, let’s agree the game is held on a neutral playing site.  Given these conditions, what would the pointspreads be?

I’d make the following lines on the Alabama Crimson Tide versus the following NFL teams:

Oakland -34.5 vs. Alabama

NY Jets -34.5 vs. Alabama

Cleveland -36 vs. Alabama

Note that I’d make Cleveland slightly more of a betting favorite than either the Raiders or Jets because the Browns are better than the other two teams (at least at this moment).  They also field a better defense that plays with some consistency.

Here’s another hypothetical:  What would the pointspread be if Alabama played the NFL’s best team?  Let’s include either the New Orleans Saints, Los Angeles Rams, Kansas City Chiefs, or New England Patriots in this equation.  We might also include the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Each of these five pro teams is somewhat similar in talent.  Each offense has an explosive offense, scores lots of points, and is guided by an outstanding quarterback.  All the coaches are experienced and highly-respected.  The defenses might not be as good as some other teams statistically speaking, but each is a serious Super Bowl contender.

Based on these thoughts, I’d post the following lines:

New  Orleans -47.5 vs. Alabama

LA Rams -49 vs. Alabama

Kansas City -47 vs. Alabama

New England -44.5 vs. Alabama

Pittsburgh -44 vs. Alabama

The reason I’d make the LA Rams higher than any of the other four top teams against a college opponent is as follows:  The Rams feature a solid rushing attack.  They also have a better defense.  So, Alabama would likely have a tough time scoring many points.  Give Rams’ Defensive Coordinator Wade Phillips one full week to come up with a game plan, and it’s quite possible his Rams would shut out the Tide, or hold them to a very low score.  I’d put Alabama’s team scoring total at 12.5 for the game, which means any of the NFL team would probably score somewhere in the mid-50s.

One interesting historical footnote to the pointspread speculation lies in the old College All-Star Game, which used to be played annually prior to the start of football season.  In that game, the defending NFL champion played a charity game against all the top draft picks from college headed to the NFL that year.  So, there was some parity in that all players were professionals.  The game was played in Chicago between the years 1934-1976.  I even remember watching a few games on television during the 1970’s.

Interestingly, in the 42 College All-Star Games that were played, the pros won 31 times, the All-Stars won 9 times, and two were ties — giving the collegians a .238 winning percentage.  However, it should be noted most NFL teams played backups during the entire game.  Even third-stringers with little playing time dominated the college teams.  Moreover, athletes weren’t conditioned as well many years ago, as they are today.  There probably wasn’t much difference between college and pro players in the 1940’s 50’s and 60’s.  Those differences are monumental today.

The College All-Star game was discontinued in 1976 because rookie players began making more money and they feared injuries could derail their careers.  The game was also played on a horrible astroturf field at the old Soldier Field, which only exacerbated the danger and even likelihood of injuries.

Finally, what would the pointspread be if NFL’s starters weren’t allowed to play?  In other words, what if all the NFL teams had to play their backups?  This would certainly change the numbers based on the pro teams lack of continuity.  The backup units don’t play much together in real-game conditions, aside from a few pre-season opportunities.  Some NFL teams have decent backup quarterbacks with experience.  Others have backups who haven’t taken a snap since they were in college.  There would be several question marks about the continuity and condition of NFL backup units, since there’s not much of a track record on their results.

Here are my hypothetical pointspreads on the NFL’s backups and reserves playing against Alabama at full strength.:

Oakland -17.5 vs. Alabama

NY Jets -19 vs. Alabama

Cleveland -20 vs. Alabama

New  Orleans -24 vs. Alabama

LA Rams -24 vs. Alabama

Kansas City -24 vs. Alabama

New England -25 vs. Alabama

Pittsburgh -24 vs. Alabama

Finally, to anyone who thinks these numbers are too high, here’s a closing thought.  Last Sunday, the New Orleans Saints won a road game at Cincinnati (a team with a winning record) by the score of 51-14.  They beat another better than average team by a whopping 37 points.  This example shows us what would likely happen if they played Alabama.  Some games get out of hand when the losing team eventually recognizes they can’t win.  So, they quit trying.  It becomes so demoralizing getting beat every play that even the best athlete loses faith and surrenders to reality.  One presumes the players on Alabama would become so fatigued and despondent, at some point they’d give up.  This isn’t a dig at Alabama.  It happens in most athletic mismatches.  While the opening stage of the game might be close, any pro team would very likely roll up a large number of points in the second half when mental and physical superiority outmatches the weaker opponent.

What do you think?  Care to venture a guess on any of these numbers?

Post comments below.  Or, follow our discussion HERE on Facebook.




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