Stopping Terrorism with Beer and Pussy

Any religion that forbids enjoying life is a fucking straightjacket.  I mean, what kind of routine requires that you pray five times a day?  Why doesn’t someone jump up and say,“how come we’re praying more than anyone else on earth, and we’re still the poorest motherfuckers on the planet?”

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It’s time to get serious about ending global terrorism.

Let’s quit pretending we’ve got the tiger by the tail, because we don’t.  Drastic times call for drastic measures, and I’ve got the perfect solution.

Open up a shitload of bars and nightclubs inside every Muslim country.  Carpet bomb them with liquor.  Just do it.  Forget about dropping humanitarian leaflets and care packages.  Ship in bar stools, announce it’s happy hour, and let the free-pouring begin.  Then, turn up the music.  Loud.  Political extremism and acts of terror would dry up faster than the Cincinnati Bengals’ Super Bowl hopes.

Imagine what it must be like living inside a hard-core Muslim society.  They’re basically giant prison camps.  You’d go mad.  Every sphere of daily life is suffocated by religion.  Since drinking alcohol is strictly forbidden by the Koran, most of these countries don’t have a single bar or nightclub where people can go and hang out.

And that’s the problem.