Is the Imaginary Sky Daddy Stuck with the AT&T Cellphone Plan?
Does the imaginary sky daddy known to millions of human beings as “god” have lousy cell phone service?
He must.
Apparently, there’s a massive communications breakdown when natural disasters happen. I once thought these cataclysmic horrors — rustic tribulations from the skies above and earth below causing so much destruction, pain, and death — occurred when the celestial orchestrator was away on vacation. Or, taking a day off. Or sleeping. Or taking a shower.
But natural disasters happen far too often. And, too many people are getting hurt. Even dying. Sky daddy can’t be on vacation all the time, can he? He’s not calling in sick that many days. He isn’t sleeping that much every day, otherwise, he’d be a cat. And he’s certainly not taking showers this frequently unless that how and why droughts happen.
I’ve come to the epiphany that there can be only one possible explanation, which is this: God is stuck with the lousy AT&T’s multi-year cell phone plan.
“God, can you hear me now?”
Dead silence.
Dropped call.
How else to explain hundreds of millions of prayers spoken, whispered, and cried in the direction of the heavenly sky tower, desperate pleas phoned “his” way — benedictions from believers which are obviously falling on deaf ears? By the way, forgive my male gender references here to this fictional character called “god.” I actually have no idea if imaginary sky daddy actually has a penis.
Let’s discuss this irrefutable disconnect between humans and deity a bit further. Take the recent tragedy which occurred in Oklahoma. That’s right, Oklahoma. A nice place, to be sure. Full of good people. Filled with religious followers.
Sadly, many innocents died in Oklahoma earlier this week — on a Sunday, no less. That’s the so-called “holy day.” Perhaps the sky lord was bombarded with too many prayers on that day and his cell phone overloaded. Like when you get that annoying recording, “All circuits are now busy, please try your call again later.”
Those who phoned in their prayers weren’t guilty. They weren’t fags or devils deserving eternal punishment and damnation. These were mostly White Christians. They were innocent victims of a series of destructive tornadoes which ripped through the Midwest and killed several people. Many more were injured.
No doubt, those people who lost so much deserve comfort and compassion. We should do what we can to help them recover and rebuild their homes and their lives. The same is true for victims suffering severe losses every day due to other disasters — like floods, fires, earthquakes, hurricanes, diseases, or other natural manifestations of peril that destroy life and create misery.
My question for “believers” is — does praying for the survivors do any good? And if so, how? Please explain.
Why would the grand operator of the universe be any more amicable to prayers today, well after the killer storm took place, than say last Sunday — during the storm?
I suspect that tens of thousands of people living in Oklahoma, very good people in fact, were praying while that storm approached and passed over their heads. They prayed hard, to be sure. No doubt those tens of thousands of prayers were accompanied with sincerity and conviction.
Where was the great almighty during all those prayers phoned his way on Sunday? Where was the master of all creation while little children were being whisked from their mother’s arms in terror? Where was the master of the earth while shards of broken glass were blowing through the skulls of parents? Where was the master of destiny when terrified victims were being crushed by the weight of collapsing structures? Please tell me — where was the beastly creation of mankind and the universe then?
Thankfully, the carnage and death have ended — at least for the moment. But tranquility is always temporary on Planet Jesus. Another storm is sure to happen somewhere else. Tomorrow. And the day after that. And the next, and the next. Maybe it’s a heatwave in the Sub-Sahara, or an earthquake in Turkey, or an outbreak of malaria in Indonesia, or a sinking ship off of Greenland. Cries and screams and prayers — all utterly ignored by someone alleged to be good and holy.
Are prayers really expected to soften the heart of this almighty one? Are we to expect sky daddy is suddenly going to be swayed into some kind of merciful intervention? If sky daddy wasn’t willing to stop the indescribable pain of broken glass swirling through the air at 300 miles-per-hour and ripping off the skin of those in its horrifying path, are we to expect “pappa” to finally come to his senses today and start answering prayers?
This expectation isn’t only naive. It’s lunacy. And it deserves no respect whatsoever. Sort of like praying and begging and then finally thanking the sadistic abuser who stops beating the wife.
Here’s the reality. There are two options: (1) Either the universal conductor is the meanest, sickest, the evilest force imaginable, or (2) God is a man-made myth, a fictional creation. I chose the reasonable option. I chose the one based on science and logic. I opt for the second explanation.
Some have tried to explain horrible disasters — in fact, all bad things that happen — are “tests” for humanity. Believers suggest sky daddy is putting each of us through some kind of trial and examination. Trial by fire and the threat of death. We’re also told these terrible events are part of what’s frequently bee termed as “God’s plan,” as if the murdering of infants and torturing innocents can somehow be excused in this sick passion play, so long as it’s directed by the old wise man sitting on a white cloud.
Sorry, but I want no part of this twisted grand plan, nor do I want to be cast as an extra in some maniacal epic.
If you do choose to pray, then go ahead. Pray on your own. Feel free to pray with those who share your convictions. But don’t expect me to join in the ritual based on idiotic lies and fear. Do not ask others, those who you do not know, to engage in this global circus of delusion. And if you do so, then be prepared to get an earful with an entirely different perspective about the value, and I suggest the absurdity of prayer.
There’s absolutely nothing moral about lying to people, especially those who are vulnerable and in distress. They don’t need to believe in sky daddy and encouraging them to do so requires that you also explain how and why the divine one created such destruction in the first place. They do not need to believe in some imaginary god. They need to believe in themselves, their families, their neighbors, and people they may not know who can provide tangible means of support — both physical and emotional.
Still convinced that God is good, despite the fact he ignores the pleas from those he presumably created in his own image?
If so, then please make a call for me. Please give him a message. Please tell sky daddy to sign up with a new cell phone carrier. The AT&T unlimited minutes plan simply isn’t working.
Can you hear me now?
I certainly understand your frustration. I do not understand why you think God is responsible for all the bad things that happen in the world. Nor do I understand you ridiculing those who believe in Him. As for prayer, the positives could be endless, especially if you get enough people with the same purpose. What downside is there to prayer? Maybe a mere waste of a few minutes of your time? How much time did it take to post your article above? To me that is more of a waste of one’s time than praying for the victims and their families of the Oklahoma tornado disaster. I will pray for you. Whether you appreciate it or not is not the point.
To Gary Philips:
You go right on ahead and pray for Mr. Dalla. For all the good it’ll do anyone – or that prayer ever did, for anyone – you might as well dance on your front lawn wearing a tinfoil hat. At least could be said to have real consequences, however ridiculous they may be.
If a god existed, then tragedies like this say one of a few things:
1 – God caused it to happen, in which case is is not benevolent
2- God did not cause it to happen, and couldn’t stop it, in which case is not all-powerful
or 3 – God did not cause it to happen, could have stopped it and chose not to, at which point he’s a psychotically evil sonofabitch you shouldn’t be worshiping in the first place
I am glad that the number of religious zealots the world over is dwindling rapidly. Only when that number reaches zero will humankind be able to respond completely appropriately to tragedies like this.
Hi Nolan,
Surprise, surprise, I’m responding… I don’t know what to say in kind to the blog post. What I am saddened by is your disdain for people who believe in God. For every bad moment in nature that happens we see many more good ones, beauty in a sunset or sunrise, a cool spring breeze, the gentle waters bouncing off the shoreline at a wonderful Maine lake. To equate tragedy, any tragedy, as a dispute of their being no God is silly IMO.
The world is a wonderful, tragic, happy, horrid, amazing, disturbing place. Sometimes tragedy happens whether in the form of nature or human violence. It’s watching us as people come together and grow stronger and more resilient in those times that make us better. Without loss or tragedy, how could we truly embrace joy, love, and survival. You cherish the days with people you love more because you know that, “life is short”.
We can say God is a sick bastard who delights in our misery and pain as our children or parents die in these incidents.. But the way I view it is, the people we lost esp. the children,have been called back to heaven to enjoy the wonder of eternity.
You ask, “does praying for survivors help?” Of course. The love of many can heal the pain of a few. Of course, if you don’t believe in God or praying this will sound like a foreign concept or a waste of time. I can’t convince you to change your mind. That is something between you and God. Whether you elect to believe in God or not is your choice at the end of the day. But to blast people for genuinely caring and praying for others, and to take offense to that I think is a bit self serving. If you don’t want to join in the prayer circle. Please, feel free to stand outside of it, but we don’t it because of fear, we do it because of faith.
You have made it quite clear you are offended by people asking “You” to pray. It’s clear you think it is a pointless waste of time. Instead of an angry anti God rant trivializing a sad event, how about just saying, “No thanks, I’m not into praying”. Instead of blasting people who do believe in God.
I’ve listened and read with a non biased eye to what you have written. Maybe you can answer this question to me because you are an anti-theist.
How did this world began? Other than just the big bang theory? What caused that? Science is all about cause and effect.. I’m still waiting on a more concrete answer.
People say the world started with the Big Bang. Ok and what caused it?
And the answer is usually, “Well that’s the most logical guess.” But even if science shows the “God particle” to be the cause, what caused that?
I say the world began because God created it, and my “proof” of God is his son walked the Earth 2,000 years ago, well documented throughout history of his existence. Whether people believe him to do be a “deity” is what is up for debate. Christianity is disappearing, it’s growing. . . I guess there are a lot of people much less intelligent than you focusing on our sky daddy.
I’m not trying to pick a fight, I’m just trying to give a reasonable response to your post.
Believing in God isn’t a substitue for believing in yourself, friends, family, neighbors, or the kindness of a stranger. It’s a foundation that helps when dealing with a tragic time such as this.
Maybe someday you’ll give my perspective a deeper look instead of putting up a wall the minute someone says, “Praise Jesus” or “Will you pray with me”
Looking for my tinfoil hat before I go in the front yard,
Respectfully,
Nick
Wake. The fuck. Up. Seriously.
Well Justin ,
After dancing in my yard with tinfoil on my head, I’m feeling quite energized.
I’m confused by your multiple periods though.
I don’t see the point of slamming anyone for what they believe unless their practice of that belief is interfering with your life in some way. I love your rants Nolan, but I just don’t see the point of deriding someone for what they find comforting. I wouldn’t expect you will get them to change their minds any more than they will yours, so doesn’t that just make it taunting for taunting’s sake? Why the anger about something that affects you not at all?
NOLAN REPLIES:
Thanks to all those who commented, so far. Lots of territory to cover. So, a follow up article is in order. Many good questions here which are simple to answer.
— ND
Religion started out as a way for an ignorant immature species to explain their universe.
It’s now morphed into an opiate for the masses. It’s a waste of time and energy. What’s amazing is this strange form of “Stockholm syndrome” all the zealots have. Each one making excuses for the cruelty/don’t care attitude of their deity.
The Kepler space telescope found numerous planets in the habitable zones around their suns. The only thing that keeps us from finding life on other planets is the immaturity of our technology and the vastness of our universe. What then religious zealots? What then?
This is not a disturbing post.
A previous post (since deleted) advocating physical violence against a coach of a sports team was also not disturbing.
Some people find solace in religion, some find it in alcohol.
Middle aged men seldom grow closed minded and out of touch.
The left never judges others in harsh terms. They beleive in live an let live.
Some people find solace in religion, some find it in alcohol.
NOLAN REPLIES:
Softball out of the park moment here. Can’t resist.
Big difference between alcohol and religion.
Johnny Walker Black is real and I can prove it. God is not real, and you can’t prove it.
— Nolan
Pop fly caught by the out fielder……
Solace is real regardless of its source.
“There are two options: (1) Either the universal conductor is the meanest, sickest, most evil force imaginable, or (2) God is a man-made myth, a fictional creation.”
These aren’t the only two options, and it’s pretty weak, frankly, to limit yourself to these two. However, if you believe the reason that one should pray is to obtain some benefit, then the argument that if you believe that the victims weren’t guilty of something, and if prayer didn’t work during the tornado, there’s no really good reason to think it will work after the tornado is compelling. It’s not a new revelation, you can date this argument back at least 2500 years, and I’d hope that anyone who calls themselves well-read would already be familiar with it, but it is compelling.
Bruno,
What then?
Is it impossible that God is greater, that other planets could be out there with life? How does that change anything? I don’t limit what God can or has created.
I know, I know, It’s just crazy talk from a zealot.
Of course, I lack critical thought and am close minded enough to be subdued into following a fake sky daddy. (That alone should be able to discredit everything I say.) … I was an atheist once but even if you don’t believe in Christ like I do, I am amazed at how quickly atheists discount a high power or something greater than us.
So many things have to go perfect just for us to exist and they do. If guess we are all just lucky cosmic powerball winners in life..
I’m just as amazed as you are on the other side of the coin, how God can quickly be crossed off a list of possible solutions or causes for our existence.
I think the discount of a higher power from atheists comes from the lack of any solid proof that a god exists. It’s a tough concept to grasp, I know.
It changes everything because “your” book says that the earth was where God started life, and it makes no mention of any other life, or any other planet outside our solar system. Or are you going to start disagreeing with what your book says in an effort to prop it up?
And the question of which religion is the “true” religion is a sticky one. I offer the premise that if you were born in a muslim country you would be a muslim. And you would say the exact same thing about Islam with the same fever. You were born in an english language speaking country, and so…you are a christian.
The men who took the rumours and myths and initially wrote the stories in the bible were extremely ignorant (from a universal knowledge perspective), as compared with today. And we know nothing today compared to what we’ll know 50 years from now.
The bible was put together through a politcal process where texts were omitted and included due to men making those decisions. And we know that many of these texts have major problems: from who wrote them (We know Moses couldn’t have written the Torah), to how the texts were transcribed over and over again with changes due to human error and predilection. We know that the bible has changed many times over the years…
Atheists discredit religion because we open our mind to science and proof. Religious zealots prop up religion because they close their mind to science and new discoveries. They are afraid to open their minds to reality.
You follow a series of myths and fairy tales that are from a time when women were stoned for adultry, the earth was thought flat and the center of the universe, that we shouldn’t eat pork, and that if “god” asked you to kill your own son you’d do it (even if he was just kidding). You believe a woman was made pregnant “immaculately”, and that the child produced from this was the “son” of God. You pray to this “god” to give you things (peace, new car, etc.) and he never answers you, yet you continue to do this day after day…(if you are actually hearing an answer, I strongly suggest you seek appropriate mental health. There are drugs that can help you control this chemical imbalance.)
“Shout louder! Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.” Elijah, prophet of Yahweh mocking the prophets of Baal.
First off Bruno,
Thank you for responding. I want to take a second and respond to you about the main point of what I was trying to get across.
First, I am quite confident you and I could have a spirited discussion on the merits of Christianity. We both have differing viewpoints on this. Becoming a Christian was something I choose to become after being an atheist for many years. I doubt by the tone of your response you would be interested in the reasons I chose this path.
The main point I was trying to get across is what people discount God as a possible answer to our creation. I am not talking about Christianity or Muslims or Mormons. I am taking about just a higher power. Is it really that absurd to consider that someone or thing made this planet. Look I get it, many people disagree with the bible but I am just talking about God or a higher power in general .
I equate god to a watch maker. A watch has many complex parts that need to work in unison. If I asked you do believe it just happened or did someone make it, you would agree with me that it is made by someone even though you may never meet or see them.. It’s a simple illustration but I think of our planet the same way. I have doubts that it just happened. That has come through deductive thought and reasoning. I am not anti science. Science is good. But I don’t make science a belief system, I view it as a tool for understanding. That’s the difference .
The argument I present today isn’t about whether my Christian beliefs are the one true path to God (even though that is what I personally believe) the argument I present is it is small minded to discount a higher power or intelligent design.
Thank you for responding and I’m not in need of any meds but my physician wife could provide you some if you feel nauseated by my response
Cheers …
Yowzer. Another fab rant from the fingertips of ND. And, even better, a surprisingly large number of comments. Nolan, I am going to take this as your next offering in our back-and-forth on religion.
I have posted a new article on my web site that will try to deal with some of the things you say and put some of the comments (particularly Nick’s) into my framework. It’s here.
Doesn’t look like the url got in there. Go to http://www.ArthurReber.com for the full commentary.
Nolan ,
I always enjoy your blogs and the one on religion and the “father in the sky” is no exception.
Being the oldest son of an Episcopal Priest , I was raised to believe.
My Father died as I read him the bible and I know he was a true believer.
He was an incredibly intelligent man, Cambridge and Oxford.
I wish I was half as smart as he was.
I wrote an answer to your blog , but being rather computer illiterate I was unable to post it.
I hope you will find it in you heart to post it for me.
It is as follows:
In the case of deciding whether or not there is a god …
There can only be two sides.
Either there is, or there is not.
But perhaps we can come to conclusion that we can all agree to…
It seems to me that it is conclusive that all the evil people in the world subscribe to the notion
that there is no God and no afterlife.
Otherwise why would they act as they do?
The greedy and selfish have obviously concluded that there will be no repercussions for their actions.
These are the people who wish to dominate the world and those around them.
Yet all over the planet there are many who sacrifice their own needs for the many.
Which would you wish to be associated with?
Those who believe that mankind is good and will prevail over evil?
Or those who are only interested in their own involvements.
Those that believe will never have to answer for their foul deeds.
Personally I don’t believe in The Father in The Sky…
But I do believe in an intelligence greater than ours, who created
all that we see.
It is an amazing place that we live in, was it created just for us?
Could it all been just an accident?
Doubtful, and since everything seems to work together, it seems unlikely
I believe that the universe was created and then let run…to see where it goes..
Do I believe that the evil will go to Hell and the good find Heaven?
I’m not sure, but I know that there is good and evil in all of us.
Choosing which master to serve is what defines us and what remains behind.
Can I conclude that there is or is not a God, no I cannot. But I can hope that there is…
And hope is what makes the difference.