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Posted by on Jan 11, 2013 in Blog, General Poker, Las Vegas | 2 comments

The Poker Onion (Part Two)

Continuing from yesterday’s series of articles….

 

READ “THE POKER ONION (PART ONE)” HERE

 

 

Writer’s Note:  There’s bitter irony in this faux article, written in 2000 shortly after Chris “Jesus” Ferguson won the world championship that same year.  I had some fun with the “Jesus” thing, combining that angle with the constant banter about online poker being “rigged.”  Because of Ferguson’s troubles and the immeasurable damage that he and his cronies did to the poker community, this article has a much different feel now than when it was written and Ferguson was such a respected figure.  But I’ll go ahead and include it today as part of the redux.

 

Chris Ferguson

 

BELIEVE IT OR NOT:

Poker News From Around the World

 

Online Poker Bad Beats: 

‘It’s All Just a Prank,’ God Finally Admits

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Posted by on Jan 10, 2013 in Blog, General Poker, Las Vegas | 6 comments

The Poker Onion (Part One)

 

THE ONION is one of my favorite all-time websites. 

For those who haven’t seen it, THE ONION mocks current events by posting completely fabricated news stories which tend to be wickedly funny.  It’s essentially a news site where absolutely nothing is true.  Sort of like watching FOX NEWS — except it’s far more humorous.

The real gems are articles that appear utterly ridiculous.  But when reading a bit closer between the lines, they reveal some startling truths about an issue.  Take a look at THE ONION and I’ll bet you won’t be able to leave the site before laughing your ass off while nodding your head in agreement at the witty satire.

Ten years or so ago I wrote several “Onion-esque” poker stories.  None of these stories are/were true, of course.  I’m posting them here for the first time.  These articles originally appeared at POKERPAGES.COM between 2000-2002.

Prior to each article here, I’ve added a few notes from memory in order to place them into proper context.  Again, keep in mind these “stories” were written more than ten years ago, long before the so-called “poker boom.”  So, in some aspects, they’re dated.

Depending on if there’s much reaction, I might do several modern-day versions of a “Poker Onion.”  There’s no shortage of material for ridicule in today’s poker world.

This is the first of a two-part series.  Hope you enjoy!

 

Writer’s Note:  I wrote this up in 2002, four years before UIEGA was passed and nine years before Black Friday.  At the time, I was outraged by such a passive attitude on the part of the poker community.  No one cared much about the politics of online poker.  Back then, the prevailing attitude was that online poker would never be outlawed.  How prophetic this article turned out to be.  What’s truly sad is — it’s not nearly as funny anymore since parts of it actually came true, in part because of so many poker players remaining apathetic and apolitical.  One humorous side note — when this appeared on the front page of POKERPAGES.COM, several readers thought it was real and went to various online poker forum in a panic (they obviously just saw the headline and didn’t bother reading the article).

 

BELIEVE IT OR NOT:

Poker News From Around the World By Nolan Dalla

 

George W. Bush, Condoleezza Rice, Dick Cheney, Mary Peters, Henry Paulson, Michael Mukasey

 

Congress Votes to Ban Internet Poker:  

President Bush Expected to Sign Bill into Law

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Posted by on Dec 28, 2012 in Blog, Las Vegas, Sports Betting | 1 comment

The Worst Bad Beat in College Football History?

 

Sports Betting

 

The onslaught of a”bad beat” in sports betting has a unique sound and feel all its own.  Think of an approaching freight train.  Recall the suspense of a slasher movie.  Imagine the instant right before an explosion.

I’ve heard this sound of terror many times.

Last night, Marieta and I sat down to a cozy post-holiday dinner at The Orleans.  There’s a weeknight steak and lobster special for $7.11 going on at the cafe all this month.  For those unfamiliar the layout inside The Orleans, the cafe is located on the casino floor, right next to the race and sportsbook.  The place was packed.

I had the perfect plan.  Enjoy dinner.  Then, go cash my winning sports ticket.  A hearty meal always tastes better with a winner tucked inside your pocket.  Indeed, I had about as conceivable a “lock” as there was.  I was so confident, that I considered ordering two steak and lobster specials.  Why not?  $7.11 twice was $14.22 — good for two steaks and two lobsters.

Then, I heard the rumblings of that horrible sound.  It was the freight train, the horror scene, and the final ticks before an imminent explosion.

Truly one of those “Oh my God,” moments.

But wait.  How did this moment of paralysis come to be?  Why would hundreds of sports betters, as well as thousands of gamblers out on the massive casino floor suddenly be making such an odd collective sound?  They couldn’t possibly be watching the same game I had bet on, could they?  After all, my bet was a “lock.”  It couldn’t possible lose.

Right?

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Posted by on Dec 8, 2012 in Blog, Las Vegas, Rants and Raves | 7 comments

The Christmas Decoration War

 

 

Christmas means war.

Let me explain why.

We’ve lived in “The Lakes” section of West Las Vegas for about ten years, now.  When we first moved onto this street, it was a quiet neighborhood made up mostly of retired people.  Now, younger families with kids have flooded into the area.  Our street also has many different nationalities — including Canadians, Palestinians, Chinese, Russians, Mexicans, Egyptians, Persians, and Romanians.  We even have a few Mormons.  They’re from some weird place called Utah.

During those earlier years, a few of our neighbors put up decorations over the holidays.  Usually, the lights and decorations were modest.  A few strands of lights here and there.  A lit up Christmas tree.  Maybe a Santa Claus or a manger scene.

Moreover, decorating usually began during the first week in December.  Thanksgiving was regarded as separate holiday.  Imagine that.  No one dared to put up lights at least until November had ended.

But something happened.

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Posted by on Dec 3, 2012 in Blog, Essays, Las Vegas | 4 comments

What Strength Really Means — A Story of Two Cowboys

 

Personal Note:  In the coming days, I’ll be posting stories of people and incidents that have inspired me.  Hopefully, these special people will inspire you, as well.

 

How would you define strength?

Ponder this question for a moment.

How is strength best defined?  Take a moment and consider the possibilities.

Okay, so perhaps you have an answer.  Now, permit me to have a go at this.  Perhaps by the end of this essay, you may want to re-think your answer and consider alternative ways that strength is revealed in our society.

Here’s my take.

Strength isn’t manifested in achieving superiority, nor by making others inferior.  Strength isn’t exhibited in anger or intimidation.

To the contrary.  Real strength is embodied in personal sacrifice.  It’s going out of one’s way to help a fellow human being.  It’s putting another person’s comfort above your own.  It’s dealing with the bad breaks in life and making the most out of them.  That’s real strength.

I still have a lot to learn.  I have a long way to go.  No doubt, I have inner demons to conquer.  But life has taught me it’s the small things that really matter.  It’s the small things in life that bring joy and nourish optimism.  Small things, like a glass of vintage wine, a meaningful conversation with family or friends, a comfortable resting place beside a warm fireplace, hearing your favorite Christmas carol, or watching a golden sunset.

Each of those things might not seem exceptional.  But they are!  They are indubitably rewarding.  When we look back at our lives, I think most of us remember the simpler things we have done and experienced that brought us the most happiness.

It’s also the small things that often provide us with the most profound lessons.  A seemingly trivial moment in the middle of the day can reveal a great deal about what’s really important.  Our values stem not so much from formal education or access to the most learned academics.  Life’s most meaningful lessons are taught in the classroom of daily life and come directly from one’s own experiences and observations.  Our values are challenged and often reaffirmed by things that happen to us every single day.

 

………………..

 

The National Finals Rodeo is in town this week.  Every December for the past 27 years, thousands of rodeo cowboys and cowgirls come to Las Vegas from all over the country — indeed from all over the world — to watch and participate in the national championship finals rodeo.  Up and down the Vegas Strip, it’s backed up bumper to bumper with pick-up trucks and horse trailers — with license plates from Oklahoma, Arizona, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Manitoba, Texas, and all points in between.  Cowboy hats are everywhere — whether it’s elegant Venetian or down-home Sam’s Town.  Almost every visitor has shiny new belt buckle and wears a pair of blue jeans or coveralls.  An “invasion” of cowboys would not be too strong a word.

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