Gather around, my children.
Today’s lesson underscores the fine art of executing a proper obscene gesture.
Here and now, you shall learn the most advanced techniques of shooting the middle finger. There will even be a bonus course on the virtuosity of “double-barreling.”
Obscene hand gestures are a basic necessity of modern life, especially while driving. The most common obscene hand gesture is called “flipping the bird” or “shooting the middle finger.” This is to be used indiscriminately as a reactionary tool in demonstrating one’s extreme displeasure, while humiliating the intended target to the greatest extent possible. However, this rule does not apply to Philadelphia, where shooting the middle finger is more common than waving.
“Double-barreling” is to be utilized when the single-finger blast is deemed inadequate, when additional fury is warranted. Note that one must use extreme caution if double-barreling while driving. The deployment of both hands fired simultaneously at an intended target could potentially put automobile passengers in grave danger. Accordingly, this excessive measure must be used only in extreme cases, such as when someone from the offending vehicle has already shot you the single finger, in which case a double dose of degradation becomes not only justified, but absolutely mandatory.
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