Even been out on one of those dinners from hell, a gathering you’re absolutely obligated to attend, that would otherwise be perfect in every way — except that there’s one prickly guest at your table who blathers on forever and basically ruins the meal for everyone?
Well, I’m here to help. Today, I’ll be sharing one of my best-kept trade secrets. The advice I’m about to give should be packaged and sold, in which case I’d probably make a fortune. But you’re lucky, because it’s free. Sometimes I can be so generous.
For the first time ever, I shall introduce the most effective method by which to counter the unwelcome company of our most dreaded dinner companions — including obnoxious in-laws, jerk-off co-workers, your former ex, boring strangers, and about half the world’s poker players. The topic of discussion will be how to effectively use blockers and buffers to enhance one’s restaurant experience.
If you haven’t heard of “blockers” or “buffers” before, don’t worry, neither have I. Hell, I’m making this stuff up as I go along.
When deployed for maximum effect, blockers and buffers are powerful tools which can rescue a night out and ensure a pleasurable meal for everyone, even in the cramped company of bores and braggarts. Put into action, blockers and buffers effectively neutralize the pungency of irritating dinner guests in the same way amino acids attack bad cholesterol once that greasy cheeseburger enters the body.
Before listing my recommendations, first let’s examine this widespread problem more closely. Take the following test:
— Ever been to dinner and gotten seated next to the ass joker who won’t shut up?
— Ever dined out with the blowhard who talks only about himself and his accomplishments during the entire evening?
— Ever attended one of those dreaded dinners which included never-ending conversation about trivial subjects which you had no interest in whatsoever?
— Ever been seated next to a hijacker, who constantly interrupts others and commandeers the table discussion?
If you’re normal, the correct answers are — yes, yes, yes, and yes.
What follows are the most effective countermeasures to stop these creeps: