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Posted by on Sep 5, 2015 in Blog, Essays, Sports Betting | 3 comments

ESPN’s New Online Scoreboards Suck!

 

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ESPN’s worthless garbage scoreboard for college football.

 

Have you seen ESPN’s new online scoreboards?

Well, don’t bother going there.  Because, they suck!

For nearly two decades, those of us who have action betting on ball games have come to rely on ESPN’s penchant for excellence, including a vast menu of games, with plenty of statistics and quick live updates.  No matter what the sport was, at one time ESPN pretty much lived up to its reputation as the worldwide leader in sports coverage.

But the latest version of ESPN’s scoreboards are hideous!  Oh, let me count the ways.

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Posted by on Aug 20, 2015 in Blog, Essays, Personal, Rants and Raves, Travel | 4 comments

This Painting is a Hideous Piece of Shit

 

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Look at this hideous piece of shit.  Not me.  I mean, look at the painting.

After leaving a bar in downtown Fort Lauderdale last night at around 2 am, I stumbled by an art gallery with my poker pals Jason Neuman, Charlie Ciresi, and Kurt Dau.  That’s when we spotted this horrendous painting hanging near the front door.

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Posted by on May 26, 2015 in Blog, Personal | 5 comments

This Visit to the Chiropractor Lacks a Happy Ending

 

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My back flares up occasionally, so I recently went to a chiropractor.

I’d read mixed reviews on the legitimacy of so-called “chiropractic medicine.”  To me, it seems like one of those bogus New Age money grabs.  Sure, a session might provide some temporary short-term relief for back pain, but inasmuch as addressing root problems, visiting a chiropractor is really nothing more than rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.  Just call it a sinking feeling that I had.

The “clinic” here in Las Vegas basically consisted of a storefront in a strip mall, with a young lady strategically positioned out in front who handled all the billing and medical forms, flanked by two big black suede sofas where the “patients” wait.  I fucking hate suede, so I’m growing more pessimistic by the minute.  Suede make me nervous.  It’s one of my phobias.  Like spiders.

From what I can tell this young lady doesn’t appear to have much in the way of medical training, other than some razor sharp pressure tactics designed to sell packages of repeat visits to clients, meticulously explained each time the phone rang.  There was a dividing wall, more like a giant screen really, hiding the “physical therapy” sessions that went on in the back room.  While waiting for the specialist, the soft sound of faint conversation could be heard, interspersed with an occasional “ohhh” and “ahhh.”

Hmmm.

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Posted by on May 23, 2015 in Blog, Rants and Raves, Travel | 9 comments

Overcharged !!!

 

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You deceptive lying-ass shits!

I just opened up my Visa bill this month and caught you motherfuckers red-handed again.  Cold blooded thieves!  That’s what you are!  And for this, you are going to pay.  Dearly!  Just wait til you hear what I have in mind next time I pay you a visit.  Already, I’ve got my revenge planned.

You, the villainous Hilton Corporation, with thousands of money-sucking hotels worldwide, enabler of the planet’s most obnoxious golden-haired waif, jerked me off on this month’s bill for an extra $500.  That’s right — fiiiiiive huuuuundred dooooooollars.  You thought I wouldn’t notice, didn’t you?  Well, I did notice!  Indeed, I might not have caught your “honest mistake,” except that $500 is basically a sports bet for me, and no one is going to break my balls and bash me in the ass for five bills unless it’s some shortstop in Cleveland I’ve never heard of making a throwing error to first base.  Then, I can live with losing the $500 after spewing off a load of F-bombs.

Which brings up to today’s hot topic:  If it’s really an “honest mistake,” why do we always seem to get charged TOO MUCH?  Why never TOO LITTLE?  Shouldn’t the mistakes balance out?

I’m loaded with evil conspiracy theories, and my latest is that Hilton consciously does this all the time.  My reasoning:  I’ve gotten hotel bill gang-banged three times over the last 18 months for extra charges I didn’t make when staying at Hilton properties.  Just a coincidence, you ask?  Am I the most unlucky customer in the world?  How come Hilton never forgets to charge me for the extra $9 can of Pringles out of the room fridge?  Huh?  Answer me that.

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Posted by on May 11, 2015 in Blog, Rants and Raves, Restaurant Reviews | 1 comment

How to Use Blockers and Buffers When Dining Out With Bores and Braggarts

 

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Even been out on one of those dinners from hell, a gathering you’re absolutely obligated to attend, that would otherwise be perfect in every way — except that there’s one prickly guest at your table who blathers on forever and basically ruins the meal for everyone?

Well, I’m here to help.  Today, I’ll be sharing one of my best-kept trade secrets.  The advice I’m about to give should be packaged and sold, in which case I’d probably make a fortune.  But you’re lucky, because it’s free.  Sometimes I can be so generous.

For the first time ever, I shall introduce the most effective method by which to counter the unwelcome company of our most dreaded dinner companions — including obnoxious in-laws, jerk-off co-workers, your former ex, boring strangers, and about half the world’s poker players.  The topic of discussion will be how to effectively use blockers and buffers to enhance one’s restaurant experience.

If you haven’t heard of “blockers” or “buffers” before, don’t worry, neither have I.  Hell, I’m making this stuff up as I go along.

When deployed for maximum effect, blockers and buffers are powerful tools which can rescue a night out and ensure a pleasurable meal for everyone, even in the cramped company of bores and braggarts.  Put into action, blockers and buffers effectively neutralize the pungency of irritating dinner guests in the same way amino acids attack bad cholesterol once that greasy cheeseburger enters the body.

Before listing my recommendations, first let’s examine this widespread problem more closely.  Take the following test:

— Ever been to dinner and gotten seated next to the ass joker who won’t shut up?

— Ever dined out with the blowhard who talks only about himself and his accomplishments during the entire evening?

— Ever attended one of those dreaded dinners which included never-ending conversation about trivial subjects which you had no interest in whatsoever?

— Ever been seated next to a hijacker, who constantly interrupts others and commandeers the table discussion?

If you’re normal, the correct answers are — yes, yes, yes, and yes.

What follows are the most effective countermeasures to stop these creeps:

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