In case you missed one of the greatest gaffes of all time on live television last night, game show host Steve Harvey blundered in the closing moments of the Miss Universe Pageant by announcing the wrong winner.Read More
President Obama has failed again.
Born in Kenya to radicalized parents, Barack Obama was cultivated as the perfect sleeper cell for Muslim extremism. Sent clandestinely by hard-line Islamic conspirators to Hawaii, and then Chicago, his orders were to infiltrate the democratic system, fool the populace, get elected to high office, and implement policies that would ultimately destroy America. Given the expectations, President Obama has been failure of historic proportions.
Since President Obama assumed office seven years ago in a rigged national election tainted by voter fraud — a global financial meltdown was averted, unemployment has been cut nearly in half, the stock market rocketed up 192 percent, 32 million Americans enjoyed health coverage for the first time, gas prices fell by 35 percent, inflation is non-existent, the U.S. automotive industry was saved, and Democrats appear to be all but assured of controlling the executive branch for at least another four-year term. None of this was supposed to happen. President Obama can’t seem to do anything right.Read More
It’s become impossible to ignore.
“Star Wars” comes out tomorrow. Everywhere you look, it’s “Star Wars” this and “Star Wars” that. The movie isn’t even out yet, and I’m already sick of fucking “Star Wars.” I think most other people are sick of it, too.
So, let’s do something. Let’s all band together and boycott “Star Wars.” Let refuse to buy tickets to “Star Wars,” then the movie theaters will end up with a shitload of empty seats and lose a ton of money. That will teach Hollywood a lesson that we need more foreign-language documentaries, instead of space ship movies. What a statement that would make! So, who’s with me on this?Read More
Listen up. I want everyone to start addressing me as “Colonel Nolan Dalla.”
Today, by official proclamation of Governor of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, I was given that state’s highest honor, the designation as a full-fledged “Colonel.” Thanks to Gov. Steve Beshear, whom I’m pleased to find out is a Democrat. Receiving this award from a Republican might have been awkward.
I was told this honor had previously been granted to none other that the following luminaries — President Lyndon B. Johnson, astronaut John Glenn, Sir Winston Churchill, Elvis Presley, Muhammad Ali, and now yours truly, “Colonel Nolan Dalla.” Seems fitting, doesn’t it? Has a nice ring.Read More
Many of you know I set and maintain the highest standards possible. I have strict rules for social engagements — including dining out with other people, being served in restaurants, and engaging in casual conversation.
Now, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve right around the corner, it occurred to me that most of my dedicated readers and followers might not be aware of my rigorous holiday protocols. Should you invite me to grace your merry occasion make it truly special for you and your guests, that means certain qualifications must be met. Note that depending on how important you are, and the prospects that you can either help me financially or with my career, some of these conditions may be flexible. However, the rest of you will be required to meet my demands in full and without question, or risk me blowing you off. Should you wish for me attend, adding significantly to the chances of your holiday gathering being successful, listen up and take careful notes.
Here are my ten demands for attending public holiday festivities:Read More