I Feel Like I Just Smoked 50 Cartons of Cigarettes

A funny thing happened on the way to dinner tonight.

I was driving down the middle of the Las Vegas Strip and pulled up behind a shuttle bus.

The weather was pleasant.  Beautiful, in fact.  High in the low 70s.  My car windows were rolled down.

Everything seemed perfectly fine until the traffic light turned green.  At that instant, the shuttle bus in front of me pulled away and left a massive black cloud of noxious exhaust.  The fog of poisonous gas engulfed the entire street.  The inside of the car became filled with smoke.  It was bad enough to make me cough severely, and end up gasping for air.  My eyes stung for the next several minutes.

What a health hazard!

After I managed to catch my breath, I said something to the person I was driving with about feeling as though I’d just smoked 50 cartons of cigarettes, without the filter.  Like being addicted to Camels, or something.  It made me wonder to myself — don’t people actually die from breathing that stuff?  Wasn’t what I suffered much like sitting in a locked garage and letting the car’s carbon monoxide poison you to death?

What’s the difference?  I just happened to get it all in one monstrous whiff.

I couldn’t believe it.  That dangerous vehicle, whatever it was, shouldn’t have even been on the road.  The trouble was — I was way too far behind and the black exhaust cloud was so thick I couldn’t identify any markings.  So, I couldn’t see the name of the bus company.  But that didn’t stop me.

In fact, nothing was going to stop me and defuse my outrage.  They sure as hell were going to hear from me, or my attorney.  We should get Greenpeace involved in this case.  Someone should sue their asses for millions, I thought.  Polluting bastards!

Sure enough, I was able to maneuver my way into another traffic lane and pull up right beside the bus.  This allowed me to clearly see the name of the shuttle bus company.

“Caesars Entertainment.”

Oops!

Note:  This is something of an inside joke.  I’m a consultant with Caesars Entertainment, for those who don’t know — or at least I was until this story was posted.