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Posted by on Aug 29, 2012 in Blog, Essays, Politics | 11 comments

Our Leaders are Elected by Morons (a.k.a. “The Undecideds”)

 

Idiot American Voters

 

Our national leaders are elected by morons.  They are called “the undecideds.”

There, I said it.  Because it’s true.

Since the dawn of the television age, every election has been decided by idiots.

No matter what year, no matter which election, no matter who the candidates are — the voter breakdown always follows the same pattern.  About 45 percent of voters vote for the Republican candidates.  About 45 percent of voters vote for the Democratic candidates.  That leaves 10 percent of voters in the middle who call themselves — “undecided.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most powerful voting block in America — the 10 percent of voters who don’t know and don’t care.  These are the rubes deciding the future of our nation.

Let’s meet them, shall we?

Undecideds are everywhere.

Inside bowling alleys.  Blathering on barstools.  Playing on softball fields.  Ordering hamburgers.  Driving in the far right-hand lane and not making the right turn at busy intersections.  Delaying the TSA checkpoint.  Shopping at Walmart.  They come in all shapes and sizes and colors and ages.

Undecideds are usually easy to identify.  The lack any guiding political philosophy.  They don’t read books.  They don’t read newspapers.  They don’t watch news shows.  They can’t be bothered with complex details about any issue, because “it’s boring.”

Occasionally, news does manage to penetrate their skulls, so long as it airs on Entertainment Tonight or SportsCenter or there’s some scandal attached to it.  Then, they’re certain to have an opinion.  They know more about the life of a moviestar or the starting quarterback of their favorite football team than anyone who holds elected office.  They don’t spend a second thinking about issues, but they have an opinion on just about everything.  Just ask them.

They’re the first to start chanting “U-S-A!  U-S-A!” whenever an American athlete competes against someone from another country.  They’re the first to gloat, “America is the greatest country in the world,” even though they’ve never actually traveled overseas.  They’re the first to attack anyone who dares to question the conventional view of America’s role in the world, equivocating dissent with treason.  They think of themselves as the true patriots, even though they probably can’t name their local congressman.

In reality, they’re phonies and frauds.  And, they’re dangerous.

I have a message for all those undecideds who lack political conviction and who are void of anything that could possibly be construed as a personal philosophy.  Listen carefully.  My message is this:

DON’T VOTE!

I swear.  I will have more respect for you for sitting out another election than pretending that you really care for 5 minutes.  If you can’t spend as much time thinking about the future of your country as deciding what you’re going to order off Olive Garden lunch menu, we don’t need you cluttering up the lines on election day and diluting the end results with your indifference.

I hate voter registration drives.  No wait, that’s not strong enough.  I despise them.  I want them STOPPED.

This time of year, registration drives are everywhere to try and motivate people to get out and vote.  My question is — WHY?

Why should we encourage people with absolutely no knowledge of issues and an utter lack of interest in civic affairs to suddenly enter a voting booth and starting checking boxes of candidates they know nothing about?  It’s like begging a 5-year old to show up on November 9th and be an air traffic controller for a day.

Please, someone, explain this to me.

Why are volunteers out there parading around in parking lots with clipboards begging disinterested people to register and vote when these people obviously lack any desire to exercise their civic responsibilities?  These people haven’t bothered to vote in recent years (otherwise, their registration would automatically be renewed).  Moreover, all prospective new voters (such as those who turn 18, or move in-state for the first time) are given the option to register to vote when they obtain a driver’s license.

It all comes down to this:  The vast majority of unregistered voters haven’t been motivated enough to get involved politically in the past.  So, why do we now want them to barge into the current election cycle and cast ballots based on no knowledge whatsoever about the issues or the candidates?

Do we really want these blathering undecideds stepping into the voting booth and canceling out the INFORMED votes of people who are already registered and take elections seriously?  What kinds of decisions are these kinds of people going to make?  I’ll tell you.  They would likely make some very bad decisions and for all the wrong reasons.  They’re more likely to vote for or against a candidate based on they way they look, the ethnicity of their heritage, or who had the best TV commercial.

This isn’t about partisanship.  Even those I disagree with politically are, at least, engaged in the process and can articulate why they support their candidate.  I respect that.  But do you honestly think some buffoon who’s been coaxed into registering in a grocery store parking lot and who don’t follow current affairs, is going to make an informed decision?

Hell no.

He’s likely to vote based on which television commercial he enjoyed most, which candidate amused him, or something his buddy said in a bar after gulping down his seventh beer.

He’s going to make a presidential pick based on the candidate he’d “most like to have a beer with.”Idiot American Voter

The powers that be know how the game is played.  They know the secret to winning elections.  They know that, in order to win, they must reduce themselves, the political process, and the entire nation to the lowest common denominator.

What does this mean — the lowest common denominator?

Let’s say there’s a stadium full of people.  Someone gets on the loudspeaker and announces that everyone has just won a free dinner.  The only stipulation is — everyone in the stadium must agree on what’s to be served.

A vote is taken.  Thousands vote for steak.  Thousands vote for salmon.  Thousands vote for lobster.  The bottom line is, no one can agree on anything.  So, the meal comes down to a vote where finally, there are no objections, and the lowest common denominator prevails.  The verdict?  Everyone ends up eating beans and hot dogs.

That’s what political campaigns have come down to — beans and hot dogs in a voting booth — trying to appeal to and appease that last sliver of the indifferent, who might actually be motivated enough to get off their lazy asses and go out and pull the lever for their candidate.

These are the people who will decide our future.  The undecideds.

If after all the shit we’ve been through the last two years, you’re still “undecided”…..then please:

DON’T VOTE.  STAY HOME.

__________

 

11 Comments

  1. wow, you found a political topic which I can agree with…

  2. At this point it’s usually Democrats who are behind voter drives because the people they are recruiting will likely vote Democrat – the Republicans actually stop people from voting by passing ID laws etc, because they are trying to stop people from voting Democrat – The whole system is weird especially local stuff – I consider myself reasonably well read and I have zero idea what the policy initiatives are about on the ballots not to mention the qualifications for some local judges – I’m not even qualified to elect local dog catchers – I don’t really know what the solution to this is

    • Well said Brad!

  3. Excluding the uninformed is rather subjective and would only hurt us Democrats. Here’s a more objective criteria. Tell me if you like it or love it. Only citizens that pay income taxes and are not receiving any form of welfare payments qualify to vote. Ponder that for a moment. How would elections be affected?

  4. Fran,

    Your question is a rhetorical one, but I’ll take the bait and presume you seek an actual reply.

    Just as Brad wrote above, voter registration drives tend to favor Democrats.

    I’m not here as an activist to garner maximum numbers in support of my candidates. If that were the case, I’d be waving the flag and parroting the party line just like everyone else. There’s enough of that already.

    What I find appalling is the absurdity that millions go through life with no political conviction whatsoever, and yet these are the very people who are more often than not the tipping point in elections.

    Perhaps alternatives to the current system is an intriguing topic for another time. But you are quite correct that we do not want to return the days of a poll tax, which was used as a means of outright discrimination.

    — ND

  5. Am I reading this right? Is it your premise that the 45% of the population that votes Democrat (many of which blindly) and the 45% percent of the population that votes Republican (many of which blindly) make up our nations “informed voting block” – and the 10% of voters in the middle who may actually vote based on the merits of a candidate and not his or her political party – They are the uninformed ones? So basically you’re are saying it doesn’t matter how you lean, left or right – as long as you always vote for the same political parry you are informed; and if you tend to be middle of the road (can vote either left or right – or god forbid for a moderate) you must be a moron! Hope I’m reading this wrong?

    • No.

      I am suggesting this at all.

      After the primary season, national conventions, debates, speeches, interviews, and ceaseless news stories — the final stages of of the presidential election season comes in October. By this time about 45 percent are in each camp (no matter what — each candidate gets this as a minimum number). The 45 percent includes people who have made up their minds — party faithful, some independents, and even a few crossover voters.

      But there’s always about ten percent who have not yet made up their mind by this stage — despite an overabundance of information available on the candidates. A few may actually be thoughtful people, still weighing several factors. However, my contention is that if someone is not leaning one way or the other by this stage, then they have not been paying attnetion, or they are simply incapable of assimilating information and then making a decision.

      Naturally, I did not bring up third-party candidates, which I wish would poll better. But they don’t.

      — ND

  6. nolan, i’m afraid that you’ve forgotten something. it’s this little ol’ piece of paper called the constitution, which gives *all* citizens the right to vote. although it does prohibit such things as a poll tax, it does *not* require any voter to pass any kind of intelligence test.
    until such time as you amend the constitution to impose such a test, we are stuck with the result of “citizens united,” and the hyper-partisanship of the tsunamis of advertising to the effect of “our candidate is better than their candidate!”
    if you want, you can stay home on election day. i’m going to vote.

    • Your last line is puzzling.

      I did not advocate everyone STAYING HOME. Or NOT VOTING.

      That message is intended for those who don’t know anything about issues and don’t care. To them, I say — STAY HOME.

      The preceeding paragraph explains my position rather clearly, that those of us who *DO* take politics seriously will not mind if others who *DO NOT* “sit this one out.”

      Please, if you do not follow current events — STAY HOME.

      I hardly think this applies to you (or anyone else reading this page).

      — ND

  7. I do agree that our leaders are elected by morons, but would point out that there are a lot of morons in that 45% on either side, not just the 10% you single out.

    There’s also a lot of people in the 45% on either side who don’t know anything about the issues and don’t care. They just know that they’re “supposed” to vote, and they get told over and over again to vote, so they vote. The same way they always have, the same way they likely always will. I don’t think that makes them informed. I don’t think you feel that way either, but some of your comments do make it seem that just voting over and over again means it’s okay to vote, but if you haven’t voted, don’t sign up to vote now.

    In terms of the 10% being the tipping point – if the other 45% didn’t vote, the 10% wouldn’t be the tipping point, so again, the morons in the 45% on either side matter as well.

    In case that didn’t work, http://youtu.be/KHJbSvidohg

  8. Nice rant, Nolan. Provocative, passionate and — well — I disagree.

    Let’s start with the obvious: half the freakin’ population is below average in everything that could pertain to voting from intelligence, concern, reading ability, logical reasoning and just plain knowledge. So you’re gonna have a problem no matter how you cut it.

    Besides, there are lots of reasons for voting that don’t fit into the framework you’re proposing. You may want to see more Blacks or women or more white dudes in office. You could believe that people with particular backgrounds will do a good job. Community organizers probably have empathy, business people can manage an economy, devote Christians should have high moral standards, etc …. And you can make what seems to you to be a reasonable decision without knowing dick about the issues.

    You could also be a single-issue voter, back any pro-choice candidate, support any union-buster, go for any pro-environmentalist — and assume (often rightly) that they’ll be with you on other issues. Hell, some well-meaning souls in Texas will likely vote for Joe Barton because he backs legalizing online poker (you don’t want to know what else he supports….).

    And then there are the cases where you just can’t find the time or have the energy to get informed. I found a blogger up here in the far northwest reaches of Washington State whom I trust. If Riley touts a candidate for some obscure office (county auditor, fire commissioner), I’m voting for that person. Hell, we all do this kind of thing to some degree or another.

    And lastly, of course, this issue is old, very old. It lies at the heart of the debates over enfranchisement. The gavel of democracy came down on the side of universal suffrage — though our FF’s, in their wisdom, blew it on the race and gender thing.

    I’m a fan of getting every bozo into the voting booth and living with what they say. I’m also a fan of education, free and thoughtful media, open blogs, constant argument and debate.

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