Pages Menu
Categories Menu

Posted by on Sep 5, 2023 in Blog | 6 comments

Does Anyone Care About Tennis Anymore?




The US Open tennis thing is happening right now. And, I don’t give a diddly ass fuck.

Seriously. Does anyone with a net worth under $3 million watch tennis anymore? Does anyone care about tennis players and who wins? Okay, if you live in Poland or Serbia, maybe you care about tennis. Or, if you bet it, then you care about tennis. But for the rest of us, this is a DEAD SPORT. It died with McEnroe, Evert, Nastase, Navatalova, Ashe, the Williams sisters, you know, people with personalities. Now, it’s a sport of spark plugs and pricks.

Rich slugs, helicopter ass-parents, brainless sycophants, is there a more perverse, exclusionary culture than this self-entitled clique of assholes? Tennis makes golf look like third-world basketball. I’ve never seen a sport so removed from reality. Every tennis pro is a hybrid bulb grown in a tennis factory. Farmed test tube tennis freaks. There is no one to cheer for. Sorry, I can’t get into a bunch of stars with unpronounceable names that beg me to buy a consonant.

If there’s anything more repulsive than tennis, it’s the asshats disco-dicks who attend these events, then shout out shit during the matches, so they can get on TV? Listen to them during a match, shouting out “look at me” commentary like every drunk asshat at the rock concert who interrupts the band’s intro to a song.

Shut the fuck up,

Truly, this is a dead sport. I don’t fucking like tennis. Actually, let me amend that thought. I hate tennis as a spectator sport.



  1. Though I agree with you about the uniquely American asshats who disrupt the second week of major tournaments on TV, the rest of this screed is — by far — the stupidest thing you’ve ever written, Nolan. Come down here to Florida, or SoCal or Az, among numerous others — and you’ll find that much more than half the population plays some combination of tennis, pickleball, and golf, and many of the rest are on waiting lists for club membership. And that group is a lot more healthy and long-lived than the lazy blowhards sitting around your casino tables. We have ninety-year-olds playing four times a week who could kick your ass. Our club alone — one of many in the area — has four golf courses, 20 pickleball courts, and 28 tennis courts that are full every morning, 7 to 1pm, all year long, even in 95+ degree heat. It’s a great combination of athleticism and social activity. Oh yeah, and we all follow tennis on TV, devoutly, all year long. (My wife and I play tennis six days a week — each. The seventh day is for Sunday pickleball. We leave golf to the lard-assed dimwits among us, like a certain east coast politician who just won’t drop dead…)

  2. Have another drink, Nolan.

    And while you’re enjoying it, learn that tennis is thriving worldwide. Just because the men’s game is in a slump in the USA doesn’t mean the sport is dead.

  3. ” with unpronounceable names that beg me to buy a consentant. ”

    This is Gold – did actually Lough out Loud

    Not too sure about the spelling of consonant, though

  4. Not only is the U.S. Open setting attendance records but tennis is the second most popular sport to bet on in the world. For a gambling degenerate line you thst should be reason enough to appreciate it.

    Also, there are eight American men and six American women inside the top 50. The sport is blossoming

  5. “There is no one to cheer for”.

    If you’re looking to cheer for someone, cheer for Francis Tiafoe. Top 10 in the world. Born in the good ol’ US of A to immigrants from Sierra Leone who were escaping their civil war. Francis’ father worked some shit jobs to make ends meet, to include the janitor at a tennis facility, where he raised his family while living in an extra office. The Tiafoe family is an incredible story that would play well in the movies, and it’s unfolding right in front of us all. He’s also got that swagger and personality oozing out of his pores. Hop on the Tiafoe bandwagon, he’s getting closer to a major (still just 25 which isn’t considering ancient in tennis anymore).

  6. “…no one to cheer for”

    Um, American Coco Gauff won the 2023 US Open women’s singles in a tough 3-set match against the current world number 1, Aryna Sabalenka. As I said in my original reply, have another drink Nolan. And don’t spout off about sports you know nothing about.

Post a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *