Nolan Dalla

Does Anyone Care About Tennis Anymore?




The US Open tennis thing is happening right now. And, I don’t give a diddly ass fuck.

Seriously. Does anyone with a net worth under $3 million watch tennis anymore? Does anyone care about tennis players and who wins? Okay, if you live in Poland or Serbia, maybe you care about tennis. Or, if you bet it, then you care about tennis. But for the rest of us, this is a DEAD SPORT. It died with McEnroe, Evert, Nastase, Navatalova, Ashe, the Williams sisters, you know, people with personalities. Now, it’s a sport of spark plugs and pricks.

Rich slugs, helicopter ass-parents, brainless sycophants, is there a more perverse, exclusionary culture than this self-entitled clique of assholes? Tennis makes golf look like third-world basketball. I’ve never seen a sport so removed from reality. Every tennis pro is a hybrid bulb grown in a tennis factory. Farmed test tube tennis freaks. There is no one to cheer for. Sorry, I can’t get into a bunch of stars with unpronounceable names that beg me to buy a consonant.

If there’s anything more repulsive than tennis, it’s the asshats disco-dicks who attend these events, then shout out shit during the matches, so they can get on TV? Listen to them during a match, shouting out “look at me” commentary like every drunk asshat at the rock concert who interrupts the band’s intro to a song.

Shut the fuck up,

Truly, this is a dead sport. I don’t fucking like tennis. Actually, let me amend that thought. I hate tennis as a spectator sport.


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