Why Must “Coming Out” Be News?
Why is it such a big deal when a celebrity or athlete (excuse the expression) “comes out of the closet?”
Why is this still somehow regarded as newsworthy? Does the media create these sensations? Or, are some people needlessly calling attention to themselves?
I think these are fair questions.
As for those who feel compelled to parade in front of cameras and make self-declarations about being gay, I ask — why? Isn’t the whole idea of equality to blend in and be treated like everyone else? If so, then start acting like everyone else.
So, what merits all the special attention? Why would someone’s sexual orientation even matter? Would a straight person come out and announce to the world, “I’m straight?” Of course not. So, quit spotlighting something which supposedly makes you different. We get it. We understand. We support you. And one more thing — we don’t care.
I’ve posed these questions to gay friends. While each provided a different explanation, the one prevailing opinion shared by everyone is that the decision to come out and live openly as a gay person remains a difficult choice for many. However, as more and more people do “come out,” especially those in the public arena, that instills courage for others to do the same. In short, these public media-driven declarations provide inspiration for all people to be themselves.
Fair enough.
But I still don’t know why it’s necessary to make a big deal out of this. Especially in this day and age. I suspect it might even be counterproductive. Calling attention to yourself due entirely to sexual orientation seems to defeat the whole purpose of fighting for acceptance. So long as people feel the need to declare their sexual orientation to the rest of the world (who frankly, aren’t entitled to know anything about the private lives of others), then that’s a de facto admission that being gay isn’t normal. Almost, but not quite. They’re somehow different. After all, they’re calling press conferences and making spectacles.
Seriously. Why must the public’s curiosity be fed? And what does that say about those doing all the gossiping, wanting to know if such and such person is gay? What fucking business is it of yours, or anyone else’s? How about worrying about your own issues before dissecting the lifestyles of others. Try that on for size.
Most everyone I know is liberal on gay rights. In fact, I have difficulty respecting someone who doesn’t support equality for all people. For me, it’s just one of those litmus test issues that defines a person’s character. You either believe in civil rights for everyone, or you don’t believe in civil rights at all. There’s no middle ground here. You can’t be partially pregnant on the “pursuit of happiness” part of the U.S. Constitution.
Even most of the conservatives I know support gay rights. Strongly so. Okay, so they’re really Libertarians. While this subset of opinion isn’t truly representative of American conservatism at large, I do believe it’s evidence our nation is headed in the right direction. No one under age 35 looks upon being gay as a stigma anymore. For some people, it’s downright cool to be gay and is especially embraced in certain fields. Indeed, we’ve come a marvelously long way in the last generation. [SEE FOOTNOTE BELOW]
But that doesn’t mean the struggle is over. So, let’s return again to the question about “coming out.” Let’s debate whether it’s really necessary, or even constructive to the cause.
My gut instinct tells me it’s not. Perhaps it was at one time, like in the Elton John or Billie Jean King days. But now, public announcements like this seem to annoy rather than inspire people in the mainstream. Then, there’s the paparazzi element which always seems to make a circus out of what for some is a deeply personal decision. Why must the private lives of people be turned into a soap opera?
Within just the last year, we’ve had an NBA player come out. A major network news reporter came out. A number of actors and musicians have come out. And there have been rumors about everyone from star NFL quarterbacks to politicians being gay.
What’s the obsession? Why is it anyone’s business who someone sleeps with? And for those asking these questions and wondering — whether its the media or the public starved for gossip — why do you care?
This isn’t news anymore. So, let’s move on.
READ: Tipping Point on Gay Rights
Here’s the deal: Some men like women. Some men like men. Some men like both. Some women like men. Some women like women. Some women like both. No one should be compelled to pick a team. This isn’t the NFL draft.
What do you think? Is “coming out” really necessary anymore? Is it productive or counterproductive to the cause?
FOOTNOTE: It may surprise some outsiders who aren’t familiar with the poker community, but support for gay rights seems considerably higher in this subculture than in the mainstream. My view: Even older poker players tend to support gay rights. I think this empathy comes from poker players being out of the mainstream ourselves for many years. Like gays, we had to hide what we did and who we were from others. Playing poker was illegal in many places, and still is. So, we came to identify with other groups of people who were denied their basic rights as individuals.
READ: Follow-Up in Part 2
One thing you said – that no one comes out and says they ‘are straight’ – isn’t quite on the mark, Nolan. There have been several “conservatives” (including my elected official from Illinois) who have come out to unequivocally state they are heterosexual. This is often to thwart comments that they are homosexual, which would be a ‘curse’ on them should their conservative counterparts know this.
I think you are asking the wrong question. Your question should be ” Why are there some many gay poker professionals choosing to live in the closet?” It’s 2014!
Well Nolan having recently watched the film “Milk” again, I think the best answer to your question lies within your issue. One prominent scene from the film has Harvey Milk espousing “outing” other gays. The assembled group said this was a horrible idea. Harvey then went on to make the point that they needed to make themselves people. They needed to make sure that everyone knew someone that was gay – to put a face on the issues, to make it universally “real”. Not “us” and “them”, but truly just us.
Now while Mr. Milk made these statements in the midst of an epic civil rights battle, the Briggs initiative of 1978, it still rings today. The acceptance of people different than us will always be easier when people recognize they have a personal connection. Whether that personal connection is through a friend, family member, coworker, or admired celebrity or sports figure, the connection makes the issue real.
So the community still makes a point of announcing their sexual orientation publicly. The inspiration aspect you acknowledged is certainly more a big part of this. But it runs towards general acceptance. By causing cognitive-dissonance in the minds of those who would generally deny (perhaps passively) their civil rights, the LGBTQ community gains from every one of these public admissions in some way. I agree that this will never work on the
moronsconservative bible thumping types, it will work on the moderate fence-sitters and perhaps even the open-minded conservatives.I have to also say, I do not find the “media circus” nearly as circus-like these days. Twenty years ago it was truly a media circus. Today it seems a public announcement about sexual orientation is a media carnival or fair at best. And a carnival is more fun than a circus – fewer clowns, more rides, no elephants, less performance, and more fun.
Well said.
Neanderthals like “Maverick” are one reason that it’s a good idea to keep these stories coming (and I gotta say I have to wonder just how secure in his sexuality a person who uses a hyper masculine name like “Maverick” is).
Yeah, it’s an almost every day occurrence, coming out stories, but there’s still a lot of dim, misinformed dopes out there who either never got past their early programming to hate gay folks or who, like Mav, are so deeply closeted that they have to hate of folks who are out to make themselves feel more manly.
Not sure they “turned into anything..” I don’t think it’s a choice… It seems your logic is propped up with years of learning to hate.. Shame you were raised this way.. (I almost can’t blame you for your feelings..)
Almost.
And you mention these peeps being “childhood friends..” Seems they are not friends any longer.. so why the need to even look at their facebook.. Delete them.. and let the be. NO? Not telling you what to do.. Asking a ?
I could be wrong.. educate me please.
MAVERICK.. Listen retard..
Some advice. Look the other way. Turn the channel, change the station. Etc. (But you can’t have any fun if you do that can you bully)
What you want Maverick is a world YOUR WAY.. Good luck with that bud. Your need to “feel better about yourself by kicking others down is apparent..”
I wonder why you feel the need to act like this Maverick?
These are questions you need to ask yourself. None of us can help you with this one.. (Sucks to be you I guess..)
I will not waste one more minute of my time with the likes of you. (Haters gonna to hate)been this way for a long time.
You were raised to hate and it’s a bitch when you get called out.(Booo Freaking Hooo!) Poor Maverick!
Now be a good bitch and go fuck yourself – but please – Do us all a favor do it in the closet. K?
Now run off like a good little narrow minded straight boy and put the trash out for mommy.. It’s the least you can do for all that “after 21” free room and board and internet your enjoying.
😉
You sir whine on boards for one thing.. “attention” and since I’ve totally hit a nerve and got your girl panties in a bunch… I’m out.. My job is done here..
Hmmmmm
An Eagle Scout! WOW! Who knew gay men could be smart too. (Right Mav?) lol (OH! NO!) You probably wrestled with your gay childhood friends too!!!
(Ewwwww rob it off Maverick! RUB it off!)
Remember Maverick! Nolan’s post here is ALL ABOUT YOU.
Night night hand-job.
Sorry Nolan.
Marlin nailed it.
The fight for equality is far from over. There is still a great deal of discrimination in this country based on sexual orientation, and it’s a million times worse in some other parts of the world. People who know someone who is gay are far less likely to support discrimination than people who think they don’t know any gay people.
You also say that people don’t come out as straight. You’re wrong. People come out as straight implicitly, every day. They walk down the street holding hands with a partner. They get married. They put photos of their family on their desks at work. They kiss hello and goodbye at the airport. They write beautiful blog posts about their spouse. Heterosexual visibility is everywhere.
I came out to my friends and family because I couldn’t stomach the idea of being dishonest with them. My mother kept asking me why I was traveling to San Jose, and “to hang out with a friend” was no longer an acceptable answer to me. One day she got a different answer: “I’m dating someone who lives down there, and I’m very much in love with her. Her name is…”
My homework for you is to go watch the movie Milk. Watch it again if you’ve seen it before. One of the most moving things I have ever done in my entire life was to be an extra in that movie. Marching in the candlelight vigil gave me an opportunity to pay tribute to a man who help pave the way for me to openly be who I am.
Further thoughts…
When it comes to celebrities, you’re seeing two different things at work. One is that Americans seem to love celebrity gossip of all sorts. Celebrity “journalists” cover so-and-so came out in exactly the same way that they would cover so-and-so was seen on the beach and wasn’t wearing makeup. They grasp on any little piece of news, trump it up, and parrot it endlessly to get more eyeballs.
However, I think what you’re seeing when celebrities come out is a huge collective sigh of relief– they’ve been lying about something that’s at the core of their identity, and now they be open and honest. Until very recently, being a gay celebrity would pretty much cost you your entire career. That’s less true in the music world than it is in acting, and less true in acting than in sports or politics. I don’t know which of those last two are tougher, but I’d guess athletes in “manly” sports have a harder time.