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Posted by on Dec 29, 2012 in Blog, Rants and Raves, Travel | 2 comments

The Unfriendly Skies: Nolan Dalla’s Flying Enemies List

 

Airport Crowds

 

The only thing worse than flying, is flying during the holiday season.

Seriously, could air travel be any less glamorous?

When I was a kid, I remember people used to get dressed up when they traveled by air.  Fliers were polite.  No one ever seemed to be in a rush.  The seats were comfortable.  There was plenty of leg room.  The airlines served you a hot meal and it tasted good.  Alcoholic beverages were free.  You never paid additional charges and your luggage arrived on time.  When there was a flight delay, the airline apologized and even put you up in a first-class hotel, when necessary.

Now, boarding a plane is pretty much like getting on a Greyhound bus — only with wings.

Flying is constant battle.  You battle to find a decent fare.  You battle to get a good seat assignment.  You battle to get to the airport on time — at least two hours early.  You battle to run the gauntlet through TSA screening without being strip searched.  You battle to get into the right boarding group.  You battle for precious overhead bin space.  You battle for the armrest.  You battle for peace and quiet during the flight.  You battle to depart your row so as to exit the aircraft.  You battle to claim your luggage.  Then, once you’re out of the airport, you battle to get a taxi or a rental car.

Indeed, if flying has become a serious of battles, then I’m hereby declaring war!

 

NOLAN DALLA’S FLYING ENEMIES LIST

1.  BIN HOGS — I realize the airlines now try to pork you for $30 per checked bag each way.  But carry on abuse has become intolerable.  Now, jackasses are hauling 50-pound suitcases down the aisles.  Then, they heave the bone crushers into a tiny overhead bin space intended to be a storage area for purses and coats.  I’m so sick of seeing these selfish pricks usurping every inch of storage space with bags the size of a Great Dane.  It’s time for airlines to start enforcing carry-on size rules.

2.  ARM REST THUGS — I paid the same $389 fare you did.  So, move your fucking body part off my half of the arm rest.  You’re not sitting at home in a Lazy Boy parked in front of the television.  You’re in public.  Try to act like a responsible adult.

3.  BORING CONVERSATIONALISTS — I don’t want to hear your life story.  I don’t want to hear your personal problems.  I don’t give a rat’s ass what happened to you last week in Cleveland.  I don’t care what your opinion is of the Redskins-Cowboys game.  You’re on a cheap Southwest Airline flight just like me, pal.  You’re not a guest on The David Letterman Show.  Zip it.

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Posted by on Dec 28, 2012 in Blog, Sports Betting | 1 comment

The Worst Bad Beat in College Football History?

 

Sports Betting

 

The onslaught of a collective “bad beat” in sports betting has a unique sound and feel all its own.  

Think of an approaching freight train.  Recall the suspense of a slasher movie.  Imagine the instant before an explosion.

I’ve heard this sound of terror many times.

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Posted by on Dec 26, 2012 in Blog, Movie Reviews | 3 comments

Movie Review — Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 3D

 

Cirque du Soleil Movie Review

 

About a half hour into Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 3D my wife leaned over to me and blurted out, “Are you as bored with this as I am?”

Frankly, I wasn’t.  By that point, my boredom had turned into annoyance.

Things went downhill from there.

Another scene or two passed and our mutual annoyance metastasized even further — into unconditional surrender.  We had enough.  But the cinematic Rubicon was passed.

In the final scenes towards the end of an overly-long 85-minute test of patience, I found myself talking back at the movie screen mocking the performers, oblivious to those within earshot around me.  I didn’t mean to cause a disturbance, but no one else seemed to care.  Needless to say, we departed the theater in a fit of rage and disappointment.

This movie should never have been made.  It’s a testament to the old edict that if you’re going to do something, then do it right — or don’t attempt it at all.

How in the name of James Cameron — who produced this monumental mess (this one sinks faster than Titanic) — do you screw up something as spectacular as Cirque du Soleil?  Who would have thought trivializing death-defying stunts was possible?  It’s baffling to imagine a production blessed with many of the world’s most gifted performers, with such an impressive array of set designs and costumes, and some of the most innovative music ever recorded could induce a mass slumber.

How bad was it?  For those who have visited the Las Vegas airport, recall the jumbo screen inside the baggage claim area.  Think of the 45-second video clips from one show after another.  Imagine that highlight reel repeated over and over and over again and then compiled into an full-length motion picture.  Indeed, the comparison of waiting for bags at an airport might be appropriate here, except there’s actual suspense in waiting for one’s luggage.  There’s no such drama in this montage of monotony.

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Posted by on Dec 25, 2012 in Blog, Essays | 0 comments

Christmas for Antitheists

Atheist Christmas

 

Can someone who doesn’t believe in the existence of God also celebrate Christmas?

Certainly yes.

Christmas, ostensibly intended to honor the birth of Jesus Christ, has become far more than just a religious holiday.  Cynics might even suggest it’s become the antithesis of a religious holiday.

Turn on the television set or visit a shopping mall during the week before Christmas and you know exactly what I’m talking about.  Commercials enticing you to rush out and buy a brand new Lexus aren’t very Christ-like.   The soccer mom in the mini-van who steals your parking spot isn’t thinking about Jesus, although his name probably comes up in some rather creative combinations of language.

It’s too bad really that the essential message of Christmas was hijacked a long time ago.  Modern Christmas would likely be unrecognizable to those who envisioned its oldest traditions.  It’s become the five human senses all pumped up on steroids.  That’s both good and bad.  Sure, everything tastes better and smells better.  Many of us feel better.  The sights and sounds of the holiday season are more beautiful than other times of the year.  But sensory overload isn’t always synonymous with happiness.  For many less fortunate people, this is a depressing time of year — and none of this has anything at all to do with faith or religion.

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