THE TEN WORST AIRPORT NAMES IN AMERICA!
I’m totally against airports being named after people. It’s stupid. It’s wrong. It’s divisive. Stop it!
Airports exist for one reason only. We are flying from one CITY to another CITY. We are not visiting the homes of famous people–either dead or alive. When someone announces they’re arriving from “Will Rogers Airport,” I shouldn’t have to Google search to figure out what the hell that means. Just say — “Oklahoma City.” And if you’re visiting me from Oklahoma City, something’s definitely wrong–because I don’t know anybody in Oklahoma City.
I recognize most major cities have multiple major airports. So, we can’t just say Los Angeles, Dallas, Chicago, or New York. That’s why three-letter airport codes are necessary. Otherwise, your bags will end up at a flea market near Chicago Midway rather than the baggage claim at Chicago O’Hare. There’s Chicago (O’Hare). And there’s South Chicago (Midway). Next thing you know, the Bears will be moving across the Indiana border to Hammond. Life is confusing.
The fiasco of airport christening plunged to an embarrassing low this past week. MAGA cult sac-lickers in Florida declared “Palm Beach International Airport” will soon officially be re-named for Donald J. Trump. How insane can these people get? Truth is, most flyers who travel through that airport, certainly those who live in and around the area, despise the scumbag.
Here’s one thing most people will agree on. Place names shouldn’t be divisive. Certainly, in normal times airport names would be non-controversial, unifying, and a matter of civil pride. Yet, MAGA Trumpsters in Florida decided to re-name an airport after a convicted felon who just so happens to be grotesquely unpopular nationally and whose entire life is one scandal and failure and scandal and failure after another. Fact is, Trump didn’t even win the popular vote in Palm Beach County (Florida) where the airport is located. Not in 2024. Not in 2020. Not in 2016. He’s 0-3 so far. That’s known as a strikeout. So, why did *Florida* state officials vote to IMPOSE this monstrosity on that county and city–and all its citizens? What positives for the local population and economy come from slapping that sick perversion of a name upon every sign in the city and county? What’s next — Ted Bundy International Airport in Gainesville? Just call Palm Beach Island —- “Jeffrey Epstein Island” from now on. That’s the gutter we’ve devolved into.
In defiance and in protest, what we can do is this: REFUSE to go along, NEVER use that name. NOT ONCE. EVER. Call the airports by their simple city names. ALWAYS. And if someone refers to it otherwise, ask WHERE and WHAT the hell they’re talking about.
I got to thinking more about this. Accordingly, I came up with my own abomination list. What follows are my rankings for the 10 worst-named airports in America:
[10] HARTSFIELD-JACKSON (ATL) — Surprising fact: Since 1998, Hartsfield–Jackson has been the world’s busiest airport (measured by passenger traffic–i.e. people). Dating all the way back to 1957, Atlanta has consistently been one of the top-three busiest in the world (measured by aircraft traffic–i.e. planes). So, why is this super hub of the South named for two obscure Atlanta mayors who served during the 1970s who otherwise would be forgotten? Dumb. hell if I know. This makes no sense at all. Best Name: ATLANTA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (and if anyone in history should be honored with the airport name in this region, it’s certainly Martin Luther King).
[9] REAGAN (DCA) — I lived right next to National Airport in Washington, D.C. / Arlington , VA for ten years. I could WALK to this airport, it was so close by. Everyone in the National Capital region still calls it NATIONAL AIRPORT. But in the 1990s, congressional Republicans decided to rename the airport in Ronald Reagan’s honor. Listen, I’m no fan of “the Gipper” — but I also have no problem with some airport in his home state of California or someplace else naming their airport for Reagan. But there’s a sick irony to naming the airport in Washington after the anti-government slasher who was the ultimate ANTI-Washingtonian. He had zero connection to the DC-VA-MD region, other than serving two wildly inconsistent terms in office. He slashed federal budgets for air safety and deregulated the airline industry. Heck, he even fired all the air traffic controllers–and my own father was one of those PATCO air traffic controllers! Sure, go ahead and honor St. Reagan in other ways. But the last place his name should be is the gateway to the National Capital region. That airport will always be NATIONAL AIRPORT for most of us. Best Name: WASHINGTON NATIONAL AIRPORT (I can see George Washington being honored with the name, since he resided nearby in No. Va. — but this is best left generic).
[8] LOGAN (BOS) — Maybe people in New England will know this, but I sure didn’t. Not before I researched it. Question — who was “Logan.” That’s the guy they named the airport in Boston after. Must be some amazing dude! I mean, when you think about all the American royalty from the Boston area over the past 250 years, it becomes more a question of WHO deserves that coveted top spot as the epicenter of international air travel and commerce. I can think of dozens of people from Massachusetts who deserve recognition. Well, come to find out, Edward Lawrence Logan (1875 – 1939) was an American lawyer, judge, military officer, and politician. He wasn’t a mayor. Or a Governor. Or a Senator. But he’s the dude who gets the glory in Boston to this day. Best Name: BOSTON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (and if anyone deserves the name instead, it’s probably John F. Kennedy, though others might also be worth consideration).
[7] JOHN WAYNE (SNA) / BOB HOPE (BUR) — I wasn’t sure if (or where) to include these entertainment giants and former airport names, recently changed back to their original place names — Orange County and Burbank, respectively. Years ago, both airports were named for what then seemed to be safe and non-controversial entertainers, but then were changed back when locals recognized their iconography didn’t reflect modern times and contemporary cultural attitudes. Retrospective is — John Wayne has been exposed as a bitter, intolerant, draft-dodging, far-Right, racist bigot extremist with no lasting societal impact beyond once being revered as a tough guy movie star. Arguably, his contemporary Bob Hope deserves slightly more credit for his life’s work and charitable deeds, but then he also stole all his jokes, was a notorious hypocrite, and was widely despised within Hollywood circles (even Johnny Carson hated having him on as a guest). Indeed, they were giants in their time, but let’s credit local officials for correcting the mistakes of history.
[6] O’HARE (ORD) — Lieutenant Commander Edward “Butch” O’Hare (1914–1943) was a U.S. Navy fighter pilot and Medal of Honor recipient. He became the Navy’s first flying ace of World War II in 1942 after defending the USS Lexington from nine bombers, shooting down five, and later died in action. Stripping away an airport name in honor of a WW2 war hero seems petty, and I’ll be the first to say it’s unnecessary. However, O’Hare was actually born in St. Louis, attended school in Maryland, and served in several foreign theaters of war. His connections to Chicago are minimal. So, why is he plastered as the name of one of the world’s busiest airports? Best Name: CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (and if any person is to be chosen, why not Abraham Lincoln — post-mortem, we could even see Barack Obama).
[5] KENNEDY (JFK) — I’ve never been a believer in the Kennedy mystique. He remains one of the most overrated presidents in American history. I realize JFK and the other Kennedy’s will always be worshipped as icons, but Kennedy’s connections of New York and/or NYC are pretty much nonexistent. So, why is an airport *here* named after him? Boston — okay, maybe I can go with that. But not in Jamaica, Queens. The terminal first opened in 1948 as “New York International Airport” and was commonly known as Idlewild Airport until JFK’s assassination in 1963. This makes no sense, at all — but it will be known as JFK forever, so no point in fighting a losing cause. Best Name: NEW YORK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, or NYCI (and if any person is to be chosen, why not either Franklin or Teddy Roosevelt?)
[4[ HARRY REID (LAS) — This name change was atrocious. Even now, five years later, the decision remains controversial–locally. Many Las Vegas residents, myself included, REFUSE to use this revised name. Harry Reid was a corrupt, anti-charismatic, political curmudgeon of a weasel hack who represented Nevada in the U.S. Senate for decades. He’s one of the worst, most ineffective Senate Majority Leaders in American history. He’s been described as a “machine politician” in the old decayed mold of Chicago’s despicable Mayor Richard Daley, and that’s not meant as a compliment. Naming the GLOBAL GATEWAY to the so-called “Entertainment Capital of the World” for this political schlub remains an abomination and an embarrassment. It should be changed. The only positive thing about changing the name to “Reid” was — getting rid of the old name in honor of Sen. Pat McCarran, a decrepit western bigot who battled vociferously against all the policies of FDR’s bold New Deal (including construction of airports!) and is remembered for nothing beyond his out-dated arch-conservatism. The airport went from being named after one vile politician to another. Best Name: LAS VEGAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (and if any person is to be chosen, Elvis Presley or Frank Sinatra might be worth consideration–though let’s just leave it as LVIA) Read: Why not just name is Moe Greene International Airport?
[3] TED STEVENS (ANC) — Who is it up there in Alaska who thought to themselves one day — hey!, let’s name our biggest airport for Ted Stevens! That name change should pack the planes and bring in the tourists! Similar to Harry Reid’s machine politician insider-ism, Stevens was Alaska’s senator for excruciating 41 years, which was about four decades too long. This is the bumbling idiot who infamously led the (yes, it’s true) UNITED STATES SENATE COMMITTEE ON TECHNOLOGY and yet revealed his gross ignorance on the very committee he was chairing by referring to the Internet as a “series of tubes” that was clogged with too much information. Stevens often confused the terms Internet and e-mail, and became widely known as a political dinosaur and was frequent target of amusement and ridicule. Best Name: ANCHORAGE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (and if any person is to be chosen, how about someone who personifies the indigenous population of Alaska, instead of this stupid dead fossil?).
[2] TRUMP (PBI) — I’ve already commented above on how ridiculous this is. Perhaps the name will be changed back once sanity is restored in America, but Florida might be so far gone down the crazy hole that the toxic name could stick for awhile. We’ll see. The bottom line is—this has zero upside and will probably end up as a bad mistake that’s both confusing and costly.
[1] DULLES (IAD) — Finally, here’s the worst of the worst. Why would an airport be named after this poisonous blip on history whose last name sounds like DALLAS? “Hey, I’m flying into Dulles!” Say that out loud and fast. Anyone listening who’s sober will think you’re heading off to Texas. It’s almost as bad as Newark and New York– I mean, c’mon people! John Foster Dulles was a monster. He’s one of the most destructive American political figures of the 20th Century. As Sec of State he was responsible for the South Vietnamese fumbled handoff from colonialist France to the imperialist U.S (a region where we previously had ZERO presence or responsibilities). Worse, he green lighted the 1953 overthrow of a democratically-elected government in Iran (read that again–the Middle East could have had a democracy in Iran!) and here we are still playing the exorbitant price for HIS FAILURES and stupidity seven decades later. Dulles was a malignant diplomatic cancer. A horror, both personally and professionally. A diplomatic failure on every level. Why is this turd honored given he was never elected to office, never articulated anything meaningful nor lasting, not never even lived in the state of Virginia? This Cold War fossil would otherwise have been rightfully erased by history, EXCEPT for the airport naming. Shame! This is the WORST name of any airport in America — and yes, that even includes Trump in West Palm Beach. Best Name: NORTHERN VIRGINIA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, a.k.a. NOVA (just as with DCA, I can see George Washington being honored with the name, since he resided nearby in No. Va.).
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