If You’re Under 25, Your Music is Fucking Garbage
You show me a machine or a computer program that can match the stellar majesty of Lauritz Melchior singing “Nessun Dorma,” and I’ll acknowledge it as music. Until then, it’s fucking garbage.
If you’re under 25 years old — or an immature 30-plus — I’m about to set your ass straight.
So, listen up.
Your music is fucking garbage.
There, I said it.
Mindless crap. Eardrum-bursting, dagger-in-the-eyes, ass-bagging, blow your fucking brains out — unadulterated dog shit. That pretty much sums up the type of music that’s popular with today’s young people.
Listen, you stupid sons of bitches. I’m talking at you. I’m your elder. My opinion demands respect.
Your music hasn’t got life. It’s fucking dead. Your music is void of humanity. It’s as fake as a porn queen’s orgasm. There’s no soul. It’s tripe. It’s a carp in the sea of music. The stuff you listen to was created by fucking machines.
Today’s “artists” — there’s an oxymoron — don’t even need to know how to play musical instruments or sing. In other words, no fucking talent whatsoever is needed to succeed today in music. You heard me. No. Talent. Whatsoever.
And, I’m fucking sick of it because the current generation is taking the gold we gave you and dragging it into a sewer.
Listen up, you little pricks. I’m not stuck in some kind of classic rock time warp. Fact is, I expose myself to many different kinds of music. I give all music a chance. Even the techno-trash littering the modern music scene is something I’ve tried to digest, which I found to be like choking down a plate of raw oysters laced with salmonella.
It would be nice to enjoy fresh musical acts. I want to hear new songs. I like some young people, especially when they get my order right. But real music is written and performed by humans, not a fucking computer program linked up to a laser show.
Fact: The more fancy gadgets and distractions you need, the most your music just flat out sucks.
Music should convey some sense of humanity — who we are, and what we feel. I know that’s a hard concept to digest since your idea of a relationship is picking up a new Twitter follower. Where’s the love and romance in the mind-numbing rubbish that’s played at most nightclubs? Is there any conveyance pain and loss? Or pride and joy? How about playing a catchy tune that’s just fun to sing along with?
Is that too much to fucking ask?
I don’t expect to like everything that’s new. As an amateur observer of the human condition, I freely acknowledge that successive generations are obliged to a continuation of the species which sometimes entails pushing boundaries and violating the preferences of their elders. History shows the more radically different one generation is from one to the next, the greater degree of innovations are sparked from such permutations. Music is just one by-product of inevitable cultural and technological shifts, sometimes mislabeled as advances.
Yes, yes, yes! New music should piss off plenty of parents and leathery jokers like me. At least I’ll accept “cultural evolution” as being inevitable, and necessary.
If you don’t believe this, take a look at the past century. Nearly a hundred years ago, traditional musicians hated a new sound called jazz. Later, jazz loyalists despised rock n’ roll and even the early sound of Motown. After that, the rockers hated disco music. Then, just about everyone hated New Wave and the 1980’s. Next came rap music which irritated everyone over the age of 30. Now, it’s hip hop and something called dubstep, which is essentially music made by computers and sound-making software. This garbage makes rap sound like fucking Amadeus.
There’s a reason this “music” is used as a weapon on suspected terrorists, forcing them to wear earphones and being bombarded with such abuse for hours. I’m not making this up. This is the brain-frying shit they put on the headphones and strap to the ears of prisoners who are handcuffed behind their backs and sit naked in jail cells while they are forced to endure this madness. I’d rather blow my fucking brains out, and if I ever did managed to get out, I’d be running off to join the nearest terrorist cell in order to extract my revenge.
Have a listen this rubbish (CLICK BELOW) if you can stand it for more than a few seconds:
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I know what you’re thinking. You want to go after my music. You want to blast away at me. Go ahead, fuckers. See if you can top what I like at the conclusion of this article. You’re drawing so fucking dead you should even be in my game.
So, what constitutes real music? Here’s a list of things I believe to be essential.
REAL MUSIC DEFINED BY NOLAN DALLA:
(1) Real music is created by humans, not by a machine or a computer.
(2) Real music has structure and consistency.
(3) Real music elicits real emotions — of love, loss, anger, fear, happiness, hope, inspiration, or anything related to the gambit of being human.
(4) Real music requires talent.
(5) Real music requires instruments and/or voices.
(6) Real music should be cross generational.
(7) Real music shouldn’t need gadgets or special effects to be enjoyed.
Here and now, I’ll leave you with a video clip of real music (CLICK BELOW). When one of those fucking machines creates a sound that can somehow match this magical majesty, then give me a call. Until then, don’t label what you listen to as “music.” It’s not music. It’s garbage.
Writer’s Note: I wrote this over-the-top satirical outrage back in 2013, not expecting it to become the third-highest rated post on my website, with more than 100,000 page views. Had I know that trolling could generate such high traffic, I probably would have utilized the tactic more often. That said, I’ve come to modify my position somewhat on modern music. There’s an astonishing array of excellent high-tech, computer-generated sound that’s as profoundly creative as anything ever written and recorded. I continue to express some bewilderment at what masquerades as “popular music” today. Much of it is garbage. However, I wish to amend my previous remarks and withdraw the blanket condemnation of anything enjoyed by listeners under the age of 25. Now, please continue to post the often hilariously hateful comments below. Regards.
SUCK YOUR OWN DICK GRANDPA
Time to shut dis comment section down nigga, we hit max posts back in ’18. Notin but shitposts
If NOLEN DALLA doesn’t show my nice comment, HE’S A BIN LADEN, and HE will be hearing from all of us soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@WalterRhodes67 Walter’s Struggle – Meim Kamph!!! Very Angry!!!!
No talent. Ok, let’s hear you make a “techno” track. If it’s so easy and takes no talent, it should be easy for you to pull a quick electronic track out of your ass – right? Let’s hear it.
H
Only if it’s in your moms ass
Have you even listened to any songs at all? They’ve ALL been about having sex since we got past “ that doggie in the window”
This stupid post came up in an unrelated search. Now you pretend “it was just a joke-post!”; OK Boomer!
Sorry Grandpa, I’m 50 years old & I’m here to tell you that young people are making music that is HOT LIKE FIRE! If you don’t like what you’re hearing, you’re listening to the wrong genre, and the genres are ENDLESS now; you can thank young people for that. You just don’t get it because you got old & your brain is stiff like your back & your knees. You hate the young because you are old & close to death, and they are full of LIFE. Step aside, this world belongs to the kids now, and they will make a better place of it than your shitfaced generation ever did. Just shut the fuck up & jump in the grave already, you’ve already got one foot in it anyway.
Here you go, you hateful old fart. You been dancin’ like a monkey your whole life; now we beg to see you dance just one more time.
Smoke a joint & relax; let the kids show you how *being human* is done!
https://youtu.be/q0hyYWKXF0Q
Give yourself the privilege of hearing this Master of Flow. I admit I only understand half of what this talented yout’ is saying; I just know his beat & melody are amazing and I’m addicted, I need more.
https://youtu.be/fHbh9qBTswM
Look at these young folks, creating a ruckus, running amok, causing a disturbance with their terrible terrible music. Clutch your pearls! Are you just jealous that you can’t sound like this, or dance like this? TBAM & DJ Murph are genius, and these dancers let their moves speak for themselves.
It’s producer mode on this beat-wait, what? WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! skeeeeet! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW!
https://youtu.be/zIlnrvlP0IU
Look at these beautiful young people.
“ONE TWO, who da fuq is you, bitch?
THREE FO’, come & get some mo’, bitch!
FIVE SIX, suck dis nigga dick, bitch!
SEVEN EIGHT, how my dick taste, bitch?”
That’s real-talk right there! Thanks, Ugly God!
https://youtu.be/DUyr-Q7a3n4
Comment I love your opinion, most of the younger people are following each other in a circle without any leader, not moving our society forward, and they feel like they’re making a difference, but thier actually empowering fascism and racism by thinking they’re fighting it put thier actually unknowingly playing into our governments hands and giving it a reason to in the future , to take control of our decisions by flooding us with only the information they want us to know instead of 100 % of the true facts, wake up people please, I’m begging
You seemed to have not taken in the fact that people have opinions. I don’t necessarily like the songs that are being made, but that doesn’t mean that you are right just because you say so.
Looks like you’ve never heard of Andrew Bayer. Idiot.
Old man. Get a life. And realize. THIS IS A NEW WORLD. The music of today is arguably garbage, but seriously?! Opera?! Dude. I don’t think you even had a life if you grew up listening to THAT shit. If you don’t like the new shit. Keep yer mouth shut and keep playing your shitty opera in your 1920 ford, hunched over the steering wheel, trying to see the road in front of you.
This is one of the most ignorant “articles” I’ve ever read. I used to set up the audio & visuals for festivals and I’ve never met a single DJ (they get famous for PRODUCING, not just for spinning) who didn’t have talent. Yes they do usually know how to play an instrument or more. And who fucking cares if it’s made with “machines”? Not just any moron can use these programs (who also use keyboards—an instrument and other instruments). It takes talent to learn to use and master these programs. And these programs don’t make the music for you. They edit, add effects, create sounds never heard before, etc. so it’s not like you can just turn on a computer and crap out a good song in 30 minutes. DJing is what can be learned by almost anyone. But producers are not just DJs. That’s all you see them do, so you ignorantly believe they have no talent. But they do. Spend a day in the studio with Dieselboy or Tiesto, and you will quickly learn why they get paid so much.
I can agree that much of the new popular stuff sucks fat shit. Although the metal genre particularly prog metal is only getting better. Jimmy Eat World still makes music and its pretty good. Looking for the non-popular stuff can help you find good music.
Man, where have you been hiding? THANK YOU! I thought that I was the only one who realized that REAL MUSIC was dead! I came up as a teenager in the 70’s still hearing music from the 50’s and 60’s! I remember the time when we had band of talented instrumentalists, vocalists, back up singers and lyrical poets! If seem to me that after the rappers of the 90’s sampled the old school Soul, Rock, Funk, R& B and even country music, the next generation of talent-LESS so called musician all sounded like computers
The stuff we hear now is pure crap!
This guy is only making an opinion I’m 17 and I like Metallica , Rolling Stones , Bob Dylan , and Kiss I also like Will Smith Creed And Kid Rock! Opinions are just that opinions until you can get God to come down from the heavan look me in the face and say that a certain music genre sucks then I’ll agree with this biased article age has nothing to do music taste and everyone has a genre they can’t stand for instance I don’t like grindcore music but until you can get God to come down and tell me otherwise that my music I like sucks all y’all can take your biased opinions and shove it up your ass
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refgregregre regre regre er
cool opinion i am loving this hot take on music
you have set me straight fuck little waine fuck 2 chains that shit is gay garbave