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Posted by on Jun 11, 2014 in Blog, Personal, World Series of Poker | 3 comments

Who’s Been Pilfering My Rainbow Trouts at Buzios?

 

The Caine Mutiny (1954) Directed by Edward Dmytryk Shown: Humphrey Bogart

 

I demand an immediate investigation.

Someone’s been pilfering my rainbow trouts.¬† I intend to find out who’s the thief. ¬†Make that — thieves.

 

At Buzio’s, which is the seafood restaurant at the Rio in Las Vegas, the general manager is a sweet lady named Diane. ¬†Right before the start of this year’s series, Diane assured me she’d order a private stock of 50 fresh-water rainbow trouts. ¬†Just for me. ¬†They were to be put aside and offered as a special option for me and my privileged guests.¬† The¬†quantity “50” seemed adequate enough.¬† Since I’d be expected to consume 27.5 of them (that’s my O/U based on dining at Buzio’s every other night during the World Series of Poker), that would leave 20 or so stray trouts for those V.I.P.s who I thought were deserving enough to enjoy the delicacy. ¬†The rest of the people can be left to fight over the frozen catfish, or whatever.

Well, tonight I just found out that all my rainbow trouts are gone! ¬†Every single one of them. ¬†I demand to know — who in the hell ate them all?¬† Who’s been stealing my trouts?

Here are the numbers. ¬†I’ve consumed 9 of them, by my count.¬† Here’s what I also know to be true:

— Mark Napolitano found out about the trouts and cracked into my stash.¬† He’s consumed two trouts. ¬†But I don’t really trust him. ¬†I suspect he’s had more trouts, and lied about it. ¬†I’ve never trusted him.

— Dr. Artur Reber had one. ¬†Ditto for him what I wrote about Napolitano above. ¬†Reber’s from New York, so then I think I trust him even less than Napolitano.

— A co-worker of mine ate one after I told him what to order.

— Rich Korbin has consumed two. ¬†I trust this number as accurate.

— Tonight, Becca Hoeksema Kerl, Sabyl Cohen Landrum, and Kevin Un admitted¬†on Facebook (which is proof)¬†that they each consumed one trout — making three trouts in all.

So, according to my count, that’s nine for me, nine for my guests, making a grand total only 18 rainbow trouts ordered.¬† Yet, all 50 are now gone! ¬†Thieves!

Whoever is eating my trouts better start ordering something else off the menu. ¬†Mahi Mahi. ¬†Swordfish. ¬†Catfish. ¬†Whatever. ¬†I hear those other fishes go down really good with an icy cold glass of Merlot. ¬†You poor things. ¬†Unless you are an A- or a B-lister, you’re not welcome to my stash. ¬†Privilege isn’t given. ¬†It’s earned.

Fortunately, Diane assures me that more fresh-water rainbow trouts are on the way. ¬†They’ve already been ordered. ¬†So, leave them alone! ¬†Those rainbow trouts are NOT for you. ¬†To order, you must be with my party and I must approve.

Now that the trout pilfering has been settled, next, I want to talk about the missing fresh strawberries.

3 Comments

  1. Nolan,

    I sympathize wholeheartedly, but as your former (and perhaps future) collaborator I feel it is incumbent upon me to inform you that the plural of trout is “trout” not “trouts”, as in “I ate most of Nolan’s stock of trout.”

    Not saying I did, just sayin’.

  2. I’ve got the feeling more people will be ordering the trout in the days to come.

  3. Thanks for sharing your plight,Captain. I bet it was the staff/crew.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. More Great Comfort Meals in Las Vegas - for Under $20 - Nolan Dalla - […] Read more about my obsession with Rainbow Trout here:¬† “Who’s Been Pilfering my Rainbow Trouts?” […]
  2. Why in the Hell Aren’t You People Ordering the Rainbow Trouts? | Nolan Dalla - […] READ:¬† My campaign was too successful — now they are out of trout […]

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