Turning 60

Today is February 6, 2022 — my 60th birthday. I certainly look 60, but I feel 40, and I act 20.

Birthdays have no special significance to me. A birthday is just another day; and 60 is just a number — albeit, a higher number than I’m accustomed to writing on those annoying forms at the doctor’s office.

To me, age is just a state of mind. That is because we’re all polygons. Each one of us has multiple sides and dimensions to who we are. Yet many of us see each other in the shallowest, most incomplete terms. This is even true with people we think we know.  That’s unfortunate.  It’s one reason I’m sharing this with you.

Not a day goes by that I don’t learn something new.  When I’m really lucky, I learn something new about a family member or a friend.  It’s one thing to learn about history or famous people we’ve never met.  But gaining insights into someone closer is even more meaningful.  I think we need more of that.

As has become my annual ritual on this day, here are 60 facts and thoughts on who I am and where’s I’m now at on life’s journey:

1. I was born in Dallas, Texas on February 6, 1962. The most famous person who was also born that exact same day and year is Axl Rose — the ex-lead singer for the rock band Guns and Roses.

2. My parents divorced when I was 2. My father spent most of his professional career working as an air traffic controller. He was fired by President Ronald Reagan in the PATCO strike of 1982. But even though he was a strong union activist, he’s always been a very strong Republican and conservative, which probably will surprise many people. My mother worked for Southwestern Bell Telephone Company for most of her life. She started in a male-dominated field (lineman) laying telephone wires in a switching station and worked her way up to being an executive.  Though they weren’t married for very long, I was lucky to have very good parents.

3. While growing up, I lived in Dallas, Chicago, and Albuquerque. I changed schools five times between the grades of 1-6. Each time we moved, I had to make new friends. That probably made me into more of an outgoing person. I think it also kept me somewhat disconnected and even pushed me towards being a loner, at times. It was hard to make friends when you know that you might move away someplace else. I think this is a problem for many kids today.

4. Before I started the first grade, I’d broken my arms three times. At age 5, I fell off a circular staircase and broke my arm when I landed on a brick floor (see the photo).  Then, just a few weeks after the cast was removed, I fell out of a tree and broke BOTH arms. I walked around like a lobster with a full plaster cast on one arm and a half cast on the other. At the time, none of this seemed unusual.

5. In junior high school, I became interested in drama.  My first stage role was appearing in Moliere’s three-act play, The Miser.  I had speaking and singing roles each year in four high school musicals. I also had a lead role in Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Mikado. In my senior year of high school, I was the lead (Albert Peterson) in Bye Bye Birdie, which was played in the movie by Dick Van Dyke. In my junior year, I played Benny Southstreet in Guys and Dolls. My sophomore year I played the evil Mr. Babcock in Mame. And my freshman year, I played the bad guy General Bullmoose in ‘Lil Abner.  I always liked playing bad guys. They were more interesting and fun.

6. Even though my father was a big part of my life, I was raised by a single mother. She provided me with an extraordinary upbringing and encouragement. One of the most important lessons she taught me was self-reliance. She made me clean the house every single day as soon as I got home from school. She even taught me how to cook and I made meals when she came home from work at 5 pm each day.  I also burned a few things and made plenty of mistakes, but messing things up helped me to learn.  Oh, and my mother read to me almost every night.  I even asked her to re-read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to me a second time.  And she did!

7. My junior year in high school, I got expelled from high school for drinking alcohol and had to go to an alternative school for troublemakers for the last 3 months of the school year. What an education! I learned more in that class with the “problem” kids than anyplace else ever. Nonetheless, after getting reinstated, I was elected Senior Class President the following year.

8. I’ve never done illegal drugs of any kind, including smoking marijuana. This probably surprises some people, but it’s just never interested me.

9. I earned a B.A. in political science, but then dropped out of a Master’s Degree program after one year. I also took classes at George Washington University for two semesters, but couldn’t afford to complete my studies. I still hold resentments about public vs. private education. I think it’s wrong to divide students (and opportunities) based on their financial status.

10. Right out of college, I tried to enlist in the U.S. Marine Corps as an officer but was rejected for flight school because I’m colorblind. I have what’s called a red-green deficiency, which is the most common form of color blindness. About 3 percent of all people have this vision defect, which predominantly afflicts males.

11. I hate mushrooms, green peas, okra, and gravy. Anytime they are on my plate, I won’t touch anything else on the dish.

12. I despise small talk. I like discussing serious subjects that matter. I loathe talking about the weather.  Unless you’re a farmer or an airplane pilot discussing the weather is the biggest waste of time in the history of the world.

12. I am embarrassingly ignorant about math and science. I’m ashamed about this, so I’m trying to catch up and learn more, especially about science. I’ve totally given up on math. (by the way, did you catch the joke?)

14. I was born into Roman Catholicism and even attended Catholic schools for a time. However, I’ve been an agnostic since about the age of 20 and an atheist since about the age of 25. Despite this, I still once joined the Knights of Columbus.

15. I ran for a city council seat once in a suburb of Dallas. I made lots of speeches, raised a few thousand dollars in donations, campaigned for 6 months, and then finished third in a four-candidate race. Just imagine how lousy a candidate the fourth-place finisher was!

16. I’m passionate about animal rights and environmental protection. I also believe in what some “extremists” do to stop the horrors and destruction. One day, if our world survives, ancestors will look back on us and how we treated animals in the same way we look upon primitive peoples, with disdain and disbelief.

17. I was a USSF licensed soccer referee while in college. In four years, I refereed more than 300 games, from kids up to adults. One time, I was attacked (punched) for making a questionable call. I’m now thinking of getting back into this part-time just for the exercise.

18. I love drinking and drinking culture and make no apologies for it. But I also take two weeks each year off of drinking all alcoholic beverages. No reason, in particular. Fasting has also been proven to have health benefits, but I wouldn’t last on any no-eat program for more than a few hours.

19. I’m coming upon the 20th anniversary of my cross-country move to Las Vegas (which was right after 9/11). Here in the gambling mecca, I’ve played tens of thousands of hands of live poker, bet more than a million dollars on sporting events (easily), but I cannot remember the last time I played blackjack, or craps, or any other casino game. They do not interest me. Frankly, poker doesn’t interest me much anymore, either. The players, mostly pros, have completely squeezed most of the fun out of the game.

20. Both of my paternal grandparents were deaf. My grandfather, an immigrant from Northern Italy, once played minor league baseball and pitched an exhibition game against Babe Ruth. My grandmother is from Abbott, TX (population 300), which is most famous for being the birthplace of Willie Nelson.

21. My grandfather’s name was shorted when he arrived at New York’s Ellis Island. His real name was DALLAVALLE, which roughly translated means, “from the valley.” He was born in the alps in Rabbi, Trentino (Italy). The name was shorted to DALLA.  Another wing of the family, the MASSOLETTI’s, stayed in NY-NJ and even ran “Massoletti’s Tower Restaurant.”  However, my grandfather’s family moved on to Colorado to work in mining around Silverton, because they were used to the mountains and mining.  When he arrived with the family in Colorado, my great grandfather was murdered in a gunfight.

22. My favorite brand of car is Citroen. Speaking of French cars, I’ve owned 3 Peugeots, because you can’t buy Citroens in the US. The best car I ever earned (in terms of reliability) was a Saab (a Swedish car). But I now own a Honda Hybrid for the first time and I love it, so far.

23. My all-time favorite book is The Power Broker, the 1975 Pulitzer Prize winner for non-fiction, by Robert Caro. I’ve read it four times. It’s a masterpiece of writing and history. However, Caro’s five-volume LBJ series is arguably the most ambitious writing project in modern times.

24. Except on rare occasions, I don’t read any fiction. I realize this is an oddity. My reasoning is — there’s way too much non-fiction to read, so why bother with made-up material? Yes, I know that opinion will offend some people, especially my fellow writers.

25. I’ve always worked in interesting jobs. If I’m going to spend a long time on something, it must interest me. Every job I’ve had since 25 has been fascinating in some way. I think life is too short to spend most of your time doing something you hate, and I don’t care how much it pays. Perhaps this is why I don’t think much in terms of money. Once basic needs are met, I’ve never seen any correlation between having wealth and being happier.

26. I witnessed the 1989 Romanian Revolution first-hand.

27. I drink wine almost every day. My favorite wine is Gevrey Chambertin, from France. My favorite white wine is just about anything from the Alsace region of France. However, I discover new wines and favorites at least a few times a month. Wine is just as much about the culture, geography, history, people, and sharing a common experience as the act of drinking. I also have great respect for former drinkers who have quit.

28. I can’t pick a favorite movie — there are way too many. My most overrated movie of all time is Citizen Kane. I’ve never made it all the way through in one showing. The best movie ever made was Schindler’s List. That 1994 film still ranks as a stunning achievement, transcending cinema.

29. COVID was a strange experience for all of us, but especially if you live in Las Vegas. I missed the energy of live audiences sharing a common emotion — laughter in comedy clubs, for instance. I think there’s something magical when you are laughing among other people. Laugher is underrated. It’s infectious. If you aren’t laughing much, try to find something that makes you laugh. It’s the best medicine for the soul.

30. Speaking of comedy, I will defend every single comedian to say or do anything. Yes, ANYTHING. That doesn’t mean I like it or enjoy everything they do. But comedy (and most forms of art) must allow for free expression, without intimidation. Once comedians and other artists start self-censoring, we’re doomed.

31. I’ve met and shaken hands with six of the last ten U.S. Presidents — including Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump. I have seen Joe Biden in person when I worked in the Senate for a year. But I never met him.

32. I’ve met and spoken with Donald Trump four times. Despite my disgust for him, then and now, he was cordial on each occasion.

33. I once sat in the senate office chair of Sen. Ted Kennedy. I have a photo of that someplace.

34. As an adult, I’ve lived in Dallas, Austin, Washington, D.C., Bucharest (Romania), and Las Vegas.  My three primary employers have been the government, casinos, and freelance writing.  I still haven’t decided what I want to be when I grow up.

35. My political and social philosophy can best be summed up as follows: If Immanuel Kant, Robert Owen, Karl Marx, Lyndon B. Johnson, George Carlin, Fran Lebowitz, Gloria Steinem, Cesar Chavez, and Sam Harris all had a secret love child and then stuck tequila into a baby bottle — that would be me.

36. I refuse to eat fast food or go into a drive-thru unless it’s an absolute emergency. I did try the famous Chick’filet sandwich a few weeks ago for the first time, purely out of curiosity. Uhh. Meh.

37. I run 2 to 3 miles on average five days a week. I used to run 5 miles daily, but that was too much strain on the ankles and joints. The longest distance I’ve ever run at once was 12 miles, which was in Florida about 4 years ago. I have never competed in a 10K race or a marathon of any kind. My father, however, used to run marathons regularly and even competed up until he was 50. And he was a smoker! Once, we went snow skiing at Sierra Blanca and skied all day long, and then after that, he went out and ran 5 miles. At 8,000 feet! Now, that’s dedication!

38. The sound I cherish most is the sound of silence. I love the peace and quiet.

39. In no particular order of disgust, I really, really dislike the following…..fireworks, Jennifer Lopez, reality television shows, crowds, traffic lights, Marvel movies, and baseball.

40. I like people. Some people. Well, not that many people. Okay, I like dogs and cats and maybe (maybe) three people. I also like being alone.

41. My greatest enjoyment is reading something interesting. I don’t even know the concept of boredom.  How can anyone be bored, ever, if they have access to books?  I know it’s wrong, but I have spent hours inside Barnes and Noble (and formally Borders) browsing and reading. I loved the comfortable chairs there. That’s probably what killed off Borders (that, and Amazon).

42. I do not believe in UFOs. I do not believe in superstition of any kind. I consider such beliefs a scourge. Moreover, I do not believe in astrology. I do not believe in faith-based healing or prayer or any gods. I do believe in inquiry and science and evidence.

43. I do not believe it is wrong to have tried and failed. My life is filled with failures. Many failures.

42. No words offend me. None whatsoever. I have no regard for political correctness. The older I get, the less I care what other people think. In the past, this sometimes causes me to over-indulge the other way.

43. I do not believe in banning or burning books. Even books that are offensive or have caused terrible things to happen. Banning and burning books is bad. The best way to repel a bad idea is to come up with a better one. Destroying books (or anything else that took creativity) is repulsive to me. Yes, that includes everything from religious texts to “obscene” art to Mein Kampf.  Also, the best way to make something desirable is usually to try and ban it.  Hasn’t history taught us anything?

44. Celebrities aren’t really interesting to me, not for their fame, anyway. The people I admire most are those who rarely get praise, particularly medical caregivers and those who work with animals, especially solving animal abuse cases. I’m weak. I do not think I could do those jobs, so I really admire those who do.

45. The older I get, the fewer material possessions mean to me. So long as I have a laptop, an internet connection, and some decent wine — I’m good.

46. I have no internal time clock. I can work or read or sleep any time of day or night.

47. Despite being outgoing, I’m not into parties or social engagements. I despise making meaningless talk, especially with strangers. Most of the time when I attend a social gathering, I leave unannounced. I am not into drama and long goodbyes (unless it’s my mother, who I don’t see as often as I like).

48. I once ripped up an airline ticket, rented a car, and drove from New Orleans to Las Vegas (about 2,000 miles) because Marieta found a wounded Ring-Necked Dove in the street and we didn’t want to leave it behind to die. True story.

49. I’m ridiculously fortunate to have wonderful family and friends, far better than I deserve. I don’t reciprocate that appreciation as much as I should.

51. The current political divide has tested many friendships and even some family relationships. I’m not pleased about this worsening acrimony, but I’m not troubled by it, either. Life is way too short to waste debating the climate change deniers, COVID spreaders, election conspiratorialists, and assorted Trumpster quacks. I have zero respect for imbeciles, and won’t spend more than a second of my time engaging them unless forced to.

52. If I could do my life all over again, I’d make many different choices and decisions. However, I would not change my essential belief systems. I’m proud of my beliefs and my path to a personal philosophy. And, I’m still making strides. Anyone who insists they are set in their ways and not open to the possibility of changing opinion is often dull and dangerous.

53. Advice for young people: Don’t get married too early, wait to have kids, or don’t have kids at all. Don’t worry about your career (which is probably going to change at some point anyway) — and instead, travel and live abroad if possible, at least for a few years. I can’t stress this enough. The lessons you learn living immersed in another culture will serve you for the rest of your life.

54. Writing is easy. Editing is hard. I’m a decent writer, but a terrible editor. One reason I write about many different topics is, I get bored with things pretty quickly. I have a serious problem with this, and it has cost me dearly in my professional life.

55. I wasted far too many years working in the poker and casino business. Other than meeting some great people along the way, I got very little out of the experience that will have any lasting impact at all.

56. In Nov. 2019, I suffered a mild heart attack and was hospitalized for three days. Doctors never did figure out what caused the health scare. Diagnosis: Almost perfect health, low cholesterol, ideal blood pressure — just overweight by 30 pounds or so, but that’s not a killer. I’m still processing the whole experience of looking up at blinding white lights hooked up to wires and tubes. It was jolting, but strangely peaceful, as well. I can’t complain. I’ve been ridiculously blessed with good health all my life.

57. “Follow your dreams” is horrible advice. Horrid.  That goes for career and romance. It’s toxic. Sorry people, but dreams don’t come true for 99 percent of us. If you’re dreaming, you’re sleeping. To achieve greatness, you need to get to work and be awake to your feelings, your possibilities, and your ambitions.

58. The person I would most like to hang out with for a day, or a week is Fran Lebowitz. And the choice here isn’t even close. It’s Fran, and then maybe everyone else.  Oh, and one more thing:  I agree with perhaps 80 percent of what Fran Lebowitz has written and said, which means I disagree with her maybe 20 percent of the time.  I think that’s great!  The people who fascinate us shouldn’t be people we agree with 100 percent of the time.  In fact, spending time with your “double,” would be kinda boring.

59. I realize making lists like this and assuming people are interested in your life is self-centered, and even conceited. But I think sharing is almost always constructive. When I’ve shared things over the years, I’ve been told more than a few times that you never know who might be reading.  You don’t know who will be inspired, lifted, or just get a laugh. Perhaps it’s someone you don’t even know.  There can be no greater compliment than that.

60. Next year, it’s “61.” How will I come up with 61 new bullet points? That’s easy. See you next year.

A Parting Thought:  I encourage everyone to create and share a similar “list.”  Take your time.  Enjoy the process of thinking about your life and identifying your values.  The best gift you can give to your friends and loved ones is to share your story and let them know who you are.  I wish more of my contacts would try this.  You might even be surprised what you discover — about yourself.