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Posted by on Feb 24, 2020 in Blog, Essays | 5 comments

The Worst People in the History of Earth (Updated)



Prompted by a recent discussion on social media, I updated my ranking of the worst monsters and madmen.

The 50 Worst People in the History of Earth — 2020 version:

(1) Donald J. Trump

(2) Fred Trump

(3) Joseph Stalin

(4) Mao Tse Tung

(5) Lloyd Blankfein

(6) Adolf Hitler

(7) Sheldon Adelson

(8) J.P. Morgan

(9) The 2017 Houston Astros

(10) Alex Jones

(11) Idi Amin

(12) Every AT&T customer service representative I’ve ever encountered

(13) Charles Manson

(14) Pol Pot

(15) Britney Spears

(16) Guy Fieri

(17) L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology founder

(18) Sen. Mitch McConnell (hell, let’s just bag every Republican here, except Mitt Romney)

(19) Henry VIII (killed 2 of his 6 wives)

(20) Paula White (Trump’s crazed and grifting evangelical pastor) — Jim Jones (tie)

(21) John Wayne Gacy (killer clown)

(22) Whoever came up with Lexus’ Christmas commercials

(23) Muhammed, the illiterate child molester

(24) Tony Kornheiser (ESPN)

(25) Anyone named Kardashian

(26) David Berkowitz, a.k.a. Son of Sam

(27) The Zodiac Killer

(28) Whoever took panna cotta off the menu at Carrabba’s.

(29) Ted Bundy

(30) Wayne Allen Root

(31) Whoever gave Dane Cook his break as a “comedian”

(32) Gary Busey (insane)

(33) Gary Busey (sane)

(34) Tie: Ivanka Trump–Donnie Trump, Jr.–Eric Trump–Jared Kushner

(35) Vlad the Impaler

(36) My next-door neighbor

(37) James Earl Ray, MLK’s killer

(38) Caligula

(39) Robert Mugabe, the former bloody dictator of Zimbabwe

(40) Whoever invented hard-plastic packaging that’s impossible to open

(41) Gen. Augusto Pinochet of Chile

(42) Anyone at the auto service department at any Volvo dealership

(43) Tony “the Ant” Spilatro

(44) Jerry Jones

(45) Yoko Ono, for breaking up The Beatles

(46) Melania Trump, for NOT breaking up with Donald Trump

(47) Flair Bartenders

(48) Cryptocurrency slingers

(49) Tie: Vice President Mike Pence–The Boston Strangler

(50) The daily regulars in the $8-16 Omaha High-Low Split game at The Orleans

BONUS:  (51A and 51B) Joe Buck and Troy Aikman calling an NFL game



  1. You’re seriously retarded, and Trump is living rent free in your head. You support Marxism, socialism, and I can’t wait until November when your liberal tears will fill Lake Mead.
    None of your candidates are going to stand a chance against president Trump.

  2. How does Milli Vanilli not make this list?

  3. Wow was going to argue this list but based on who’s going to end up killing more people can’t argue with your top 6. If only the mafia got fed up with Fed Trump, imagine how much better of a world there would be.

    Liked that you included people like Fieri and Britney Spears on this list. Much deserved.

  4. Feel the BERN Chris you misanthrope!

  5. Feel the Bern? Lol Bernie is going to be screwed by the DNC….AGAIN!!!😂😂😂😂😂
    Have fun supporting a communist scumbag.

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