The Prayer Line Has Been Disconnected

We’re often told terrible events on earth are part of “God’s plan.” That’s to say, the murdering of infants and torturing of innocents is somehow “excusable” in this sick intergalactic passion play, so long as it’s directed by the wise old man slumbering on a white cloud as part of some grand design. Sorry, but no.  I want no part of this twisted sick fantasy, nor do I want to be cast as an extra in some maniacal epic of pain and destruction.

Does the imaginary sky daddy known to millions of human beings as “god” have lousy cell phone service?

He must. Maybe he’s stuck in a really bad AT&T contract. Those “free smartphone” deals can be such a pain.

There’s a massive communications breakdown whenever natural disasters happen. I once thought cataclysmic horrors — rustic tribulations from the skies above and the earth below causing so much destruction, pain, and death — occurred when the celestial orchestrator was absent. Maybe away on vacation. Or, taking a day off. Or sleeping. Or taking a shower.

But earthly natural disasters happen far too often. And, way too many people are getting hurt. Even dying. Sky daddy can’t be on vacation all the time, can he? He’s not calling in sick that many days. He isn’t sleeping that much every day, otherwise, he’d be a cat. And he’s certainly not taking showers with such frequency unless that is how and why droughts happen.

So, I’ve come to the epiphany that there can be only one possible explanation. And, it’s this: God is stuck with a lousy multi-year cell phone plan.

“God, can you hear me now?”

Dead silence.

Dropped call.

How else to explain hundreds of millions of prayers spoken, whispered, and cried out in the direction of the heavenly sky tower, desperate pleas phoned “his” way — benedictions from true believers which are obviously falling on deaf ears?

Let’s discuss this irrefutable disconnect between humans and deities further. Take the recent tragedy which occurred in Kentucky. That’s right, Kentucky. A nice place, to be sure. Full of good people. Filled with religious followers.

Sadly, many innocents died in Kentucky last month — on a Sunday, no less. That’s the so-called “holy day.” Perhaps the sky lord was bombarded with way too many prayers on that particular day and his cell phone overloaded. Like when you get that annoying recording, “All circuits are now busy, please try your call again later.”

Those who phoned in their prayers weren’t guilty. They weren’t gays or transgenders or other devils deserving eternal punishment and damnation for being born that way. These were mostly White Christians. They were innocent victims of a series of destructive tornadoes which ripped through the Midwest and killed several people. Many more were injured. Oh yeah, tornados in DECEMBER. Right before Christmas.

Talk about cruel irony and a test of faith.

No doubt, those people who lost so much deserve comfort and compassion. We should do what we can to help them recover and rebuild their homes and their lives. That seems to be happening based on lots of relief efforts and government intervention. The same is true for victims suffering severe losses every day due to other disasters — like floods, fires, earthquakes, hurricanes, diseases, or other natural manifestations of peril that destroy life and create misery.

My question for “believers” is — does praying for the survivors do any good? And if so, how?

Why would the king of all kings of the communications universe, that grand operator at the switchboard, be any more amicable to prayers today, well after the killer storm took place than say last Sunday — during the storm?

I suspect that tens of thousands of people living in Kentucky, very good people in fact, were praying while that storm approached and passed over their heads. They prayed hard. No doubt those tens of thousands of prayers were accompanied with sincerity and conviction.

Where was the great almighty during all those desperate prayers? Where was the master of all creation while little children were being whisked from their mother’s arms in utter terror? Where was the master of the earth while shards of broken glass were blowing through the skulls of parents? Where was the master of destiny when terrified victims were being crushed by the weight of a collapsing factory? Please explain — where was the beastly creation of mankind and the universe then?

Thankfully, the carnage and death ended — at least for the moment. But tranquility is always temporary on Planet Jesus. Another storm is sure to happen someplace else. Tomorrow. And the day after that. And the next, and the next. Maybe it’s a heatwave in the Sub-Sahara, an earthquake in Turkey, an outbreak of malaria in Indonesia, or a sinking ship off of India. Cries and screams and prayers — all utterly ignored by someone alleged to be good and holy.

So, is there really such a thing as the power of prayer? Are prayers really expected to soften the hardened heart of the almighty one? Are we to expect sky daddy is suddenly going to be swayed into some kind of merciful intervention? If sky daddy wasn’t willing to stop the indescribable pain of broken glass swirling through the air at 300 miles-per-hour and ripping off the skin of those in its horrifying path (to say nothing of the Holocaust or innumerable other genocides), are we to expect “Pappa” to finally come to his senses today and start answering prayers?

That expectation isn’t only naive. It’s lunacy. And it deserves no respect. Sort of like praying and begging and then finally thanking the sadistic abuser who stops beating the wife. This arrangement isn’t a test of faith. It’s the Stockholm Syndrome.

Here’s the reality. There are two options: (1) Either the universal conductor is the meanest, sickest, the evilest force imaginable, or (2) God is a man-made myth, a fictional creation. I chose the reasonable option. I chose the one based on science and logic. I opt for the second explanation.

Some say these events are “tests” for humanity. Believers suggest sky daddy is putting each of us through some kind of trial and examination. Trial by fire and the threat of death. We’re also told these terrible events are part of what’s frequently been termed as “God’s plan,” as if the murdering of infants and torturing innocents can somehow be excused in this sick passion play, so long as it’s directed by the old wise man slumbering on a white cloud.

Sorry, but I want no part of this twisted grand plan, nor do I want to be cast as an extra in some maniacal epic.

If you do choose to pray, then go ahead. Pray on your own. Feel free to pray with those who share your convictions, or eat Doritos, which produces the same outcome. But don’t expect me to join in some superstitious ritual based on idiotic lies and fear. Do not ask others, those who you do not know, to engage in this global circus of mass delusion. And if you do so, then be prepared to get an earful with an entirely different perspective about the value, and I suggest the absurdity of prayer.

Fact: There’s absolutely nothing moral or good about lying to people, especially those who are vulnerable and in distress. They don’t need to believe in sky daddy and encouraging them to do so requires that you also explain how and why the divine one caused such destruction in the first place. They do not need to believe in some imaginary god. They need to believe in themselves, their families, their neighbors, and people they may not know who can provide tangible means of support — both physical and emotional.

Still convinced that God is good, despite the fact he ignores the pleas from those he presumably created in his own image?

If so, then please make a call for me. Please give him a message. Please tell sky daddy to sign up with a new cell phone carrier. The AT&T unlimited minutes plan isn’t working.

Can you hear me now?