Notice: I No Longer Answer Telephone Calls

 

 

NOTICE: I NO LONGER ANSWER PHONE CALLS

Be advised. I am no longer answering any phone calls, that is, unless you make an advance appointment or text me with an agreed-to time and the reason for your call.

Period. End of thought. Final decision.

Six phone calls this morning. All crap. Yeah, I had to answer the phone from any 702 area code number because I’m trying to confirm a medical appointment. Got six strikeouts, so far. But, there’s some guy in the Philippines who apparently knows my blood type in addition to every pet food purchase I’ve made online for the past decade and wants me to sign up for a “monthly pet care plan.” Wait. Full stop! I struggle paying for my own health insurance, and now I’m getting pitched on two more medical mouths of feed? WTF?

Every phone call is bad. It costs me either time or money — and usually both. Really, think about it. Each time the phone rings, the caller:

— wants something.
— wants to sell me something.
— wants me to donate money.
— wants to persuade me to vote a certain way.
— is a scam.

I can’t think of any exceptions. Seriously, where’s the phone call that actually HELPS ME?

Where’s the phone call that tells me I won the lottery? And if that phone call did come, well — it’s a scam. Nevada doesn’t have a state lottery. I can’t win.

From now on, I’m no longer answering the phone. Not that I ever answered my phone in the past. Answering phone calls (especially from anyone I don’t know) is a complete waste of time.

Yeah, I’m joking, but I’m also serious.

So, if you call, prepare for a straight shot to the DVM ……. (D)estination (V)oice (M)ail: I’ll have my people call your people to set up a time for your people to call my people.

In my house, phone calls are going the way of Blockbuster.