My Van Leeuwen Ice Cream Rant

Fraud alert!

Don’t be fooled by something calling itself “Van Leeuwen” ice cream! They are not to be trusted, folks. Liars!

At Sprouts (grocery store) this morning, I saw frozen pints of ice cream on sale for $7.49. For a pint! Wait, $7.49 — isn’t that the GALLON price? This has to be a mistake. Call the manager!

So, I said to myself — who the fuck thinks they can pull the MSNF over our eyes and dick us with an ice cream that costs at least *double* the price of a conventional frozen dairy treat? I just had to look at the label and satisfy my sick obsessions.

Well, I looked, and there it was — the explanation for this shameless price gauging. “FRENCH ICE CREAM,” It said.

That makes sense, I suppose. After all, things made in France tend to be more expensive, and then they have to be shipped in frozen containers all the way from Paris to Las Vegas. I pay $10 for a slice of cheesecake at a local restaurant made 30 feet away in the kitchen, so maybe this isn’t out of line. I guess paying seven bucks and change isn’t unreasonable given the ingredients and origin.

I was just about to toss the pint into the basket and try this brand I’d never heard of before, you know, just to see if it’s *really* worth the upcharge and that’s when some other labeling caught my eye. Under “Our Story,” we learn this company was founded in 2008 and is based in…..hold onto your spoons, people…..BROOKLYN!

Huh?

Is there such a thing as “Brooklyn, France?”

How can they label this as “French Ice Cream,” double the price, and fool people? Seriously, I don’t know how they get away with this deception. I don’t like it. I strongly advise staying away from this brand of ice cream. Who the hell knows what they put in it. I wouldn’t trust those pistachios are from a mountain in “Sicily,” either. No way.

I guess I’ll have to go back to my Haagen Dazs. Oh, wait, nevermind.