The Biggest Prick in Las Vegas

I found him!

The long and elusive search for the biggest prick in all of Las Vegas has finally come to an end.

Ladies and gentlemen — we have a winner!

It’s the ass joker who drives a black Chevrolet pickup truck with a Nevada license tag — 988-XTZ.

This man is undoubtedly the biggest jackoff in the city.

From the moment I heard his truck roaring into the hospital parking lot earlier this afternoon, I knew this motherfucker was a champ.

Not content to drive a normal vehicle like the rest of the civilized world, he feels more like a man because he rides up on his mag wheels powered by an engine that guzzles eight miles to the gallon.  He’s the supreme anti-environmentalist, anti-conservationist to be sure.

How did I come to assess this man’s political persuasions so quickly, you might ask?

On Monday, I was stuck waiting outside a doctor’s office at the Summerlin Hospital.

Without warning, my peaceful afternoon was interrupted by a thundering commotion.  Granggggggg.  Granggggg.  Grangggggg.  A beastly-looking black Chevrolet pickup truck came barreling into the parking lot.  He circled around the lot a few times and then suddenly came to a complete halt.  Totally oblivious to the traffic that was trapped behind, the shit-for-brains idled in the middle of the lane for at least two full minutes, waiting for a person to exit the building and walk to his vehicle.  Finally, the clod rammed his black metal beast into the parking space as if to fulfill some sick erotic fantasy.

That behavior alone would have been enough for a prickly nomination.  But what happened next won him the lifetime achievement award and notoriety in today’s blog.

After this joker blocked traffic for two full minutes and pulled into the parking space, I couldn’t help but notice the bumper sticker on the rear of the truck.

The sticker read:  I DON’T BELIEVE THE LIBERAL MEDIA.

We’ve all seen these political stickers around — especially now that angry Republicans are on the outside of power looking in.  Conservatives tend to think the mainstream media is liberal.  They blame the media for everything that goes wrong in their lives and vent incessantly against a perceived bias.  It’s the same song that been sung since Upton Sinclair was accused by conservatives of being a Communist more than a century ago.

I think we can agree that the owner of this vehicle very likely:  (1) Voted for George W. Bush, (2) Listens to FOX News and Rush Limbaugh, (3) Owns multiple guns, and (4) Calls himself a Christian.

So, what did this Conservative Republican Christian do that was so shocking, other than act rudely in a parking lot?

Take a closer look at what’s painted beneath the parking space.

That’s right.

It’s a handicapped space.  AT A HOSPITAL!

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  In the 20 or so minutes the went by, I observed traffic circling through the parking lot.  No less than four cars with handicapped placards hanging from the mirror couldn’t find a parking space because they were all taken.  Gee, sucks to be disabled, I guess.  Fuck you, seniors on crutches!  Park up on the sixth floor and make the 12-minute walk.  The exercise will do you good!

But what royally frosted my ass was what I observed next.

The fuck slithered out of his truck like the slime that he is and started walking around the parking lot.  He was walking normally.  From a distance, he appeared to be smoking a cigarette.

What did he look like?  The best way to describe him would be Jimmy Johnson with about 80 extra pounds.  Think of someone with coiffed hair and a beer gut.  That’s the picture.

Of course, feeble attempts will be made by some to point out that not all handicaps can be seen and that indeed, perhaps the poor man really did suffer from some sort of disability.

Uh-huh.

Well, I’d already contemplated this.  I had to see for myself.  I had to get a closer look at this clown and expose his mug to the world.  At the very least, I expected to get a few snapshots of the “handicapped” man and post them to this page.  I actually considered confronting the man personally.  But given his actions up to that point and politics, who knows what this guy might be capable of?  I figured I didn’t want to test his commitment to the Second Amendment.

Unfortunately, before I could snap a picture of the man, he walked back toward his pickup truck and got back into the cab.  This was the closest I could get:

This all begs a central question.

If a local television news crew would have been present and had filmed this entire incident, would the man claim he was a victim of the “Liberal media?”

No fella, you’re not a victim of the media.

You’re a victim of who you are, what you stand for, and how you behave.

Ladies and gentlemen — once again I give you THE BIGGEST PRICK IN LAS VEGAS.