Let’s Get Serious About Warning Labels
Warning labels are everywhere.
Everything from cigarettes, to alcoholic beverages, to casino gambling now has some kind of warning label associated with the activity. Just about everything that we eat and drink, and most of the places we like to go, are potentially dangerous to us.
Citizens have the right to know if something they do is harmful. Most companies don’t want the public to know of the serious dangers often associated with using their products or services. For example, it took many years to finally get the Surgeon General’s warning attached to every pack of cigarettes sold in the United States. Yet even after warning labels were placed on the product, those in charge of tobacco companies continued to deny that smoking was either harmful or addictive.
Unfortunately, the most dangerous products and services in our society come with no warning labels. The biggest charlatans aren’t bourbon makers and casinos. They’re big banks and giant corporations. They do far more harm to people’s lives than so-called “vice.” These are the products and services which should come with a warning label.
Let’s now take a closer look. Here are a few warning labels you’ll probably recognize…..
Drinking alcoholic beverages to excess can be dangerous to your health
Danger: Poison
Warning: Cigarette smoking can be hazardous to your health.
Have a gambling problem? Call this number for help.
Next, let’s take a look at various products, services, and other activities which should merit a warning label…..
Warning: Drinking these beverages may cause obesity, diabetes, and even death!
Warning: Filling out this application will leave you in crushing debt for the next 20 years
Danger! Eating in this establishment may cause severe stomach aches and excessive vomiting!
Warning: Entering this domain guarantees you’re going to get fucked!
Caution: This is your brain while watching FOX News
Danger: Crossing this border makes it 75 times more likely you’ll die in a gun-related crime or accident than in Europe, Asia, or Latin America
Warning: Entering this building will close your mind and makes you more susceptible to believing in fairy tales
Warning: Voting for either of these political parties ensures a permanent state of corruption and incompetence
Warning: Having one of these will cost you an average of $234,000 and lock up 18 years of your life
Caution: Reading this man’s writings may become dangerously addictive
Warning! Wearing this jersey may get you assaulted inside a Las Vegas Sportsbook
Danger! Following this man’s NFL picks will cause severe emotional distress and financial hardship!
So, that’s my list. Have any ideas of your own? Post your idea for a warning label — either here in the “Comments” section, or on Facebook.
True story: Men’s room, one of those cloth towel machines that wrap around from front to back. As you pull down on the front, it pulls the cloth up in back. On this device was a sign that said — I kid you not — “Do not insert head into loop”.
So you tell me, which is more ridiculous: The warning, or the fact that somebody probably did this, which made the warning necessary?
ha! (And if I ever do manage to find some addicts, I sure as hell won’t warn them)