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Posted by on Feb 19, 2022 in Blog, General Poker, Sports Betting | 4 comments

Learning How to Lose

 

 

Stu Ungar once told me something I’ll never forget.

“Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser,” he said.

Ungar was — and is still regarded by many as — the most iconic poker player who ever lived. In 1998 about a week after I last saw him, Ungar died at age 45 from complications of years of drug abuse. Ungar made that offhand remark to me while I was sitting down with him for a series of interviews during what would be the final year of his life. He was living at the Gold Coast in Las Vegas when he said that. Just imagine, the reigning world poker champion at the time, the gambler on top of the world, a three-time WSOP winner, teetering on insolvency and living on a borrowed credit card holed up inside a stale $29 a night hotel. The irony of that comment about what a “loser” means still sticks with me to this day.

The “show me a good loser” quote did end up in the biography I wrote about Ungar (with Peter Alson) titled, “One of a Kind.” In fact, it might be his most famous quote, of all.* I couldn’t help but Google the quote, and a few dozen memes popped up. And it very well may be the worst piece of advice, or lesson, or famous quote ever published. It’s ruinous. It’s preposterous. And, it’s wrong.

Fact is, losing is part of poker just as it’s part of life.

Fast forward 24 years: Earlier this week, I was engaged in a very different conversation with another longtime gambler. We sat down to lunch and were discussing trying to beat mid- to high-stakes poker games here in Las Vegas. Over the last 40 years, he’s pretty much seen and done it all, from winning WSOP gold bracelets to being flat broke, and everything in between. And that’s when he said something that struck me like a bolt of lighting.

“Sometimes, you have to know how to lose.”

Full stop. I needed a moment to collect my thoughts and let that comment fully sink in.

Think about it. It’s profound and it’s true. Sometimes, you have to be a good loser. If not, then you’ll likely be an even bigger loser.

I don’t care what you do — losing is probably going to be a part of it. That goes for playing poker. Betting sports. Starting a business. Making an investment. Falling in love. Getting married. Having children. Ice skating. Planting a garden. Everything that involves gain — also includes loss. In fact, losing is inevitable at some point. After all, in the long run, we’re all dead.

The best athletes in the world, no matter what the sport, lose often. The richest people in the world all tell stories about losing money and failing, and then learning from those failures and losses. And who among us hasn’t lost at love at some point in their lives?

Losing isn’t losing. It’s living.

Once you know how to manage a loss, then you’ve won.

Stu Ungar was wrong. Show me a good loser, that is — show me someone who knows how to lose and can handle a loss — and I’ll show you a winner.

__________

Footnote: yes, I know Vince Lombardi made a similar quote but Lombardi’s remark was completely taken out of context and meant nothing like the way it was intended.

4 Comments

  1. He ripped it off from Vince Lombardi, who actually said it first.

    • Nolan Replies:

      Yes, but let’s look at the full context of the Lombard quote (totally taken out of context):

      “One of Vince Lombardi’s most famous quotes is, “show me a good loser and I will show you a loser.” Unfortunately, his most famous quotes like, “winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing” were edited. Most are unfamiliar with the second half of his loser quote that reads, “But show me a gracious loser and I’ll show you someone who will always be a winner.” That addition drastically changes the meaning of what he was trying to say.”

      https://3dinstitute.com/show-me-a-good-loser/

      — ND

  2. Right on. Nice piece.

  3. Just ordered the book “One of a Kind.” on Amazon.
    Looking forward to learning more.
    Thanks !

    Daniel

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