The Kindness of Strangers

“All people are the same; only their habits differ.”

― Confucius

I’m unaccustomed to the kindness of strangers.

What this means is, people being nice to each other, just for the sake of being nice.

Gasp!  Imagine that.

Fargo, North Dakota is a place where people behave nice to each other, just for the sake of being nice.  The locals here seem kinder than other cities and towns where I’ve been.  Other places share these same virtues, I suppose.  But there seems to be something special about Fargo, where I’m visiting this moment, and I’m going to tell you a short and simple story which happened while I was here.  Perhaps this common, yet so utterly uncommon experience, reveals something insightful about this special place and the people who were raised here.  Who knows, maybe kindness might even be contagious, sparking some of that same magic in other places.

Atomic Coffee is one of downtown Fargo’s most popular hangouts.  Imagine Starbucks, except the coffee’s cheaper and the pastries are actually fresh and edible.

READ:  STARBUCKS JIZZCAKE HERE

Day and night, this place is often busy; packed even.  It’s popular with college students (the North Dakota State University campus is nearby).  Business people and locals also stop in and tap away on laptops, chat, and enjoy talking about events of the day.  Then, there’s one cynical Las Vegas invader, who just so happened to observe the following story as it unfolded yesterday afternoon.

Three of us enjoyed coffee and pastries.  Within a half-hour, we were finished.  But we did what most people do, continuing to talk.  By that time a line had formed at the counter.  People were waiting to get coffee.  They were having a hard time finding places to sit.  Trouble was, all the tables and chairs were completely full.

One of my friends, who is a Fargo native, leaned forward and said, “It looks like some of these people are looking for seats, so we better go.”

Can you believe that?

My first instinct to was snap back, “Screw them!  We were here first!  Let them find their own seats.”

Is that really a twisted mindset?  Or, might you have had the same reaction?

What — we’re supposed to get up and leave just so other people can be comfortable?  We don’t even know them! 

Social Darwinism is alive and well.

Thankfully, common sense and good graces prevailed, thanks to the Fargo people.

Right after my friend suggested that we suspend our conversation and relinquish the table over to complete strangers (STRANGERS!), the other local stood up and began clearing off the table.  Being kind was in these peoples’ DNA.  They didn’t know who those strangers were standing in line.  But they were community-conscious enough to think of others if not ahead of themselves, then certainly along with themselves.  There were eager to sacrifice a small slither of their own comfort for the sake of strangers.  A few others sitting at tables nearby did the very same thing, and by the time we were out the door everyone in the line was seated.

I found those selfless acts of kindness to be inspirational, but then also sad.  It reminded me of what many of us don’t have and what we should sorely miss about our own communities.  Communal empathy rarely arises in large cities or in other parts of the country.  It’s a cut-throat world.  Civility has even been called a “Midwestern thing.”  Not that people who live in other places are necessarily bad or evil.  Just that acts of everyday common courtesy are not as deeply ingrained in the fabric of other communities and regions of the country.  Rudeness begets rudeness.  Kindness begets kindness.  Not always perhaps, but enough for us to champion the cause and continue practicing it.

It’s nice to know places like Fargo exist and the people who reside in this city, whether knowing it or not, continue to practice what the rest of us seem to have forgotten.  We are what we make of ourselves.  Towns and cities are a larger reflection of individual deeds.  We can either treat our surroundings with courtesy and respect or plaster it with a perverse form of emotional graffiti called indifference, urban living’s most grotesque example of narcissism.

For my two pals, surrendering a table was a spontaneous act of kindness.  Such a simple act is the very essence of civility.  Not money.  Not possessions.  Not fame.  Not things.  Other people within a community sharing a bona fide respect for each other, even though we often don’t know their names — like strangers passing inside a coffee shop sharing a common space.

Indeed, a simple act of courtesy is the easiest and best way to “pay it forward.”  Try it.  A tiny ripple on the open sea can travel vast distances.