Why I’m Now in Favor of Waterboarding
The best Italian restaurant in Las Vegas is…
….Olive Garden.
According to the Las Vegas Review-Journal and the annual “Readers Choice Awards” released yesterday, Olive Garden was voted as the “Best Italian Restaurant” in Las Vegas.” This appeared in the 2013 edition of the “Best of Las Vegas” section.
Excuse me for a moment.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Among all the outstanding Italian restaurants in Las Vegas and there are many — Rao’s, B&B Ristorante, Barlotta di Mare, Onda Ristorante (Mirage), Valentino, just to name a few — a mediocre family-style chain restaurant best-known for its breadsticks was picked above all the rest. I certainly understand why many LVRJ readers might not be familiar with pricey upscale restaurants. So, instead couldn’t they have chosen something that’s at least decent like Maggiano’s, Cafe Roma, Pasta Mia, Terra Rosa, Brio, or a restaurant in that class? Hell, I could have lived with Bucca di Peppo — which is really testing my tolerance. But fucking Olive Garden?
Excuse me one more time.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
What finished second? Pizza Hut?
Go ahead. Like Olive Garden all you want. I like Kentucky Fried Chicken occasionally, too. But KFC is not the best fucking chicken in the city! How in the hell is this spaghetti house picked among at least 100 decent other restaurants? Vai a cagare!
Until this moment, I was vehemently opposed to the practice of waterboarding, which has been classified as a form of cruel and unusual punishment. In fact, it’s torture. I now wish to amend my position. I’m now in favor of waterboarding. In fact, I want to be the one who administers the torture. Any idiot who voted for the Olive Garden as the “Best Italian Restaurant in Las Vegas” should be should have to suffer some kind of pain and humiliation.
Olive Garden?
Seriously?
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
These “Readers Poll” choices appeared in yesterday’s newspaper. Marieta read this news to me while I was driving. I spent the next 30 minutes screaming profanities, taking it out in what can only be described as road rage.
Later after I finally calmed down, I asked her how in the fuck could anyone be so stupid to vote for the Olive Garden? That’s like asking people who makes the best hamburger and McDonald’s being chosen as the winner. So, if this is nothing but a popularity contest would these same dolts chose Ford as the best car? Or Budweiser as the best beer? She was as puzzled as I was.
What really alarming about these results is — newspaper readers are likely to be more intelligent than average (non-reading) citizens. After all, they subscribe to a local paper. They keep up with current events. They read daily. Moreover, those who actually take time to respond to a “Readers Poll” are probably even more aware of what’s happening in the community — which means being familiar with more restaurants than the average person. So, what does this damning evidence say about the intelligence of the average Las Vegas citizen?
The question is — are these results typical of what one might expect in other cities? Or, is Las Vegas just full of classless morons?
Perhaps the Olive Garden is the only Italian restaurant many people know. This theory is validated by additional evidence. The “Best Italian Restaurant” selection was but one baffling moment of outrage among many. It’s hardly an isolated incident. Consider the other “winners” in various food and drink categories:
Best seafood restaurant: Red Lobster.
Best steakhouse: Outback Steakhouse
Best Chinese restaurant: PF Changs
Oh no……excuse me again.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
We’re going to need a helluva’ lot more waterboards.
VIDEO: My reaction on video to the Las Vegas “Best of” readers poll:
Indeed, it makes no sense; anyone who had dinner in Vegas from Chinese to Italian knows that those restaurants featured in the magazine do not even come close to many other not mentioned
Those magazine need to survive, those are puff piece, you spend that much with me all year and I reward you with this and that at award time
Simple as that
Same thing with Trip Advisor and Yelp, you can now buy by the number fake testimony that actually will appear as legitimate critics, yelp and trip advisor are trying to curb this without much success yet
what is left to do, be curious, next time you are in a mini mall, get out of the car, look at the menu, be adventurous, trust your feeling, how did we dine out before the internet ?
My only surprise is that you’re surprised. These restaurants have won the reader’s awards for years. For many years Taco Bell won best taco. The chains have a lot of exposure to a lot of people, the single stores have to have huge word of mouth to overcome the wide, but shallow, penetration of the chains. People without broad experience in the category tend to vote the one name they know.
Say what you want, but a lot more people a day walk through the doors of all the Olive Gardens in southern Nevada than Bartolotta. These restaurants are more popular, and to some extent, every voting process is a popularity contest.
Bottom line, the reader’s picks are occasionally, but rarely, insightful, and should generally be disregarded, but without malice. As I read through it, I’m basically looking for places I haven’t heard about.
I like Fazoli’s better myself, except for the fact that they don’t have San Pellegrino in the self-serve soda machine. *ducks*
That’s also the same paper that named the Orleans as the best poker room in Las Vegas in 2012. Here’s why Olive Garden won.. Old people read the paper. People who are old are on a budget.. What is great place to eat on a budget?? OLIVE GARDEN!!! And they have early bird specials too!! Ok, that last part is unconfirmed.. Wait, you read the RJ? I didn’t think 51 is old..
“I’d argue against the notion that old people in vegas are on a budget. And, for the old people who actually ARE on a budget, I don’t think they eat at Olive Garden. I’ve eaten there and don’t recall ever seeing a single old couple dining.”
First off, I said most of my OIive Garden comments as a humorous poke at Nolan. They weren’t meant to be all that serious. I read the RJ and I am certainly not “Old”.
As for the Orleans.. There is no argument to convince me that it is the best poker room in Vegas. Zero.
Some highlights:
-Great friday night tourney
-Quick cocktail service
-Close Parking.
And that is where it ends.
Most places have one good tourney a week, most have good service, and most poker room are near parking. So how does that make the Orleans the best or in the running.
As for the good action.. For the most part, usually it is nit city. Sure the games have some action now and then, but I can think of better spots to play.
As for Jackpots, the Orleans isn’t even the best one in town. Stations and the Mega one is.
I can think of 3 rooms right off the bat that are better than Orleans and not in that order.
-Red Rock
-Aria
-Venetian
If you like loud, musty, outdated poker rooms with a shitty local customer base, then the Orleans is the best…
And as for being, “obtuse”, buddy, I’m not the warden and you ain’t Andy. Back to the hole! Two months!
I forgot to ask when you published this, but what *is* the best fried chicken in Vegas?
Yes, you get the same results in every other city. It’s a flaw of methodology, not of taste.
Think about it. How many Italian restaurants does Las Vegas have? A couple hundred? With all those restaurants splitting the vote, how much of the vote does it take to win? 5%? Less?
There are eight Olive Gardens in Las Vegas. They are large restaurants, heavily advertised. If one in ten voters is an idiot sheep with no taste – and you KNOW that’s an underestimate, in Las Vegas or any other city, don’t even act surprised – and they vote for whatever restaurant they last ate at, which was whatever the TV suggested – then Olive Garden wins in a landslide.
This tells us nothing about Las Vegas, its residents, or its Italian restaurants. Only that this is a stupid poll.