Happy 51st Birthday, Axl Rose!
The great Axl Rose and I have many things in common.
Consider the following: We both turn 51 today.
Image that.
Fifty-one years old — which means we’ve each been alive for more than half a century.
On the bright side, I’m just “8” in dog years.
I’ve never meet Axl. However, I’ve seen him in concert a few times. He’s best known as the legendary voice of Guns N’ Roses.
Come to think of it, Axl and I share far more than just having the same day and year of birth. Is it possible that we were separated at birth?
Consider the many things that I have in common with Axl Rose:
WE SHARE BIRTHDAYS: Axl was born on February 6, 1962. I was born on February 6, 1962.
AGE ONE SIMILARITIES — When we were both just a year old, Axl and I lived within driving distance of Chicago. He lived in Indiana. I lived in Aurora, IL — just west of Chicago.
COMMON FAMILY HISTORY — Axl’s mother and father divorced when he was two years old. My mother and father divorced when I was two years old.
PICKING UP WHERE AXL LEFT OFF — Axl’s final paid concert with Guns N’ Roses took place in the summer of 1993. My first paid freelance writing gig took place in the summer of 1993.
MARRIAGES — Axl and I both got married in the spring of 1990. His marriage lasted 23 days. My marriage has lasted 23 years (and counting).
SLASH LOVE — Axl once said Slash is the greatest metal guitarist in the universe. I declare now that Slash is the greatest metal guitarist in the universe.
SIMILAR APPEARANCES — Today, Axl looks pretty burned out. That’s because he partied way too hard and admittedly abused himself over three decades. So, what’s my excuse for looking as I do? Hell if I know. I’ve never taken an illegal drug. Yet I have more wrinkles and far more grey hair than Axl does. Go figure.
WE BOTH HAVE GROUPIES — Axl has plenty of groupies wherever he travels. Well, so do I. Axl attracts thousands of half-naked hot girls who throw themselves at him during and after his concerts. When I travel, I usually attract deadbeat poker players who surround me in hallways, hoping for a stake.
OUR FANS ADORE US — Axl has millions of fans around the world. In fact, people have been crushed to death while attending Guns N’ Roses concerts. I’ve got my followers, too. Many people have gotten crushed following my football picks.
WE’RE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH (SOMETIMES) — Axl is known for throwing temper tantrums, even while onstage. He frequently drops F-bombs in public. He’s been accused of being self-centered and maniacal. Fortunately, I do not possess any of these qualities.
WE’RE BOTH KNOWN FOR SCREAMING — Axl has earned perhaps $80 million in music royalties by screaming into microphones. I’ve lost at least a million dollars screaming at televisions while watching games I’ve bet on.
COMMON EXPERIENCES GETTING BANNED — Following a riot back in the 1980s. Guns N’ Roses was banned from ever performing again in St. Louis, MO. After spending two miserable weeks in St. Louis last year, I’ve banned myself from ever visiting there, as well.
WE BOTH OWN CADILLACS — Axl usually gets chauffeured around town in a Sedan de Ville stretch limousine. I usually chauffeur myself around in a 2001 Sedan de Ville with 145,000 miles and a bad oil leak.
WE BOTH POSSESS NATURAL MUSICAL TALENT — Axl can play the piano and guitar, for which he’s paid money to perform. I can also play the piano and guitar, for which I’ve been asked to leave the stage and not perform.
WE’RE BOTH SONGWRITERS — Axl wrote Sweet Child O’ Mine, November Rain, and Welcome to the Jungle. I wrote Unfinished Song #1, Unfinished Song #2, and Unfinished Song #3.
SIMILAR CROWD REACTIONS TO OUR APPEARANCES — Axl is known for pissing people off when he fails to show up for an engagement (notorious for no-shows over the years). I’ve also been known to piss people off — by actually showing up.
FAMOUS QUOTES — Axl once said, “The Internet is just a huge garbage can.” I once said, “Fuck Twitter!”
Thanks to everyone for the nice wishes that were posted to Facebook. The kind thoughts from each of you meant a lot to me.
With that, there’s only one thing left to say — HAPPY 51st BIRTHDAY AXL ROSE!
Photo Credit 1: PopScreen.com
Photo Credit 2: Rolling Stone magazine
Special thanks to David Plastik.
