Loathing and Fear in Las Vegas: 101 Things I Dislike About the World
It’s been a while since I updated my “loathing and fear” list.
Listed in no particular order, here are 101 people, places, and things I can’t stand at this very moment:
Spiders
Merlot wine
Star Wars movies
FOX News
Justin Bieber
Drunks in public
Lizards
Fake breasts
Hummers and BMWs
All New York and Los Angeles sports teams
Anything named “Kardashian”
Dallas Cowboys fans (1990 to present)
Young poker punks
South Carolina
Soft/melted ice cream
Grasshoppers
Dell Computers
Any “Light” or “Lite” beer whatsoever
Colin Kaepernick
Plastic eating utensils
Cleaning out the cat box
Philadelphia, PA
Nightclubs / DJs / Eardrum-splitting techno-music
Lebron James
Humidity
Golf shirts
Fast food of any kind
Road construction during rush hour
Lacrosse
Chatty waiters
Infants
Inattentive bartenders
Religious nuts
New Jersey goombahs / Sopranos copycats / Jersey Shore wannabe’s
Smart phone addicts
Any title show that starts off “Housewives of ….”
The NRA
Monte Carlo
Auto racing
Bad beat poker stories
Spirit Airlines
Neo-conservatives
People who don’t say “please” and “thank you”
Ketchup
Flavored butter / Margarine
Anything that needs to be assembled
Walmart / Sam’s Club
Liquor in plastic bottles
Anyone who uses “Rev.” in front of their name
Poor personal hygiene
Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer
Summer blockbuster movies
The New York Times
Stupid American tourists (overseas)
Nouveaux cuisine
UFO hunters
Talapia
Excessive patriotism / jingoism
Pharmaceutical salespeople
The TSA
P.F. Chang’s
John F. Kennedy — a myth and a fraud
Fortune tellers
Bad tippers
Intelligence agencies (CIA, NSA, DIA)
Anti-intellectualism
Any food product out of a box or can
Drugs
Royalty from any country of any kind
Lip-synching
George W. Bush
NBC Nightly News
People who mumble (especially when leaving voice mail messages)
Britney Spears (see lip-synching)
Sheldon Adelson
Anything to do with Donald Trump
People who interrupt me while I’m speaking
Cruelty to animals in any form
Gravy
Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon on “Pardon the Interruption”
White Shoes
Brown shoes
Anything other than black shoes
Polyester clothing
Neckties without a tie-clip
Nerds who wait in line for days waiting for new high-tech products (iPhone 6)
False hype
Whitney Houston
Fads
Confederate flags
And finally, number 101….
Writing early in the morning
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go take a nap.
Glad to see CHRIS HANSON was not on this list!
I do have a questions of “WHY” from your list. 1) The PTI guys 2) Golf Shirts
I’m also guessing that serving you Talipia I got from Sams Club, paired with Merlot in a plastic bottle…would make your head explode.
Nolan Replies: Oh, but Chris Hanson *was* on the list. He’s written in secret white ink, so perhaps you missed it.
–Nolan
I agree with more of the list than I expected. I am curious as to why you don’t like grasshoppers or lacrosse?
Nolan Replies: Fear and confusion.
— Nolan
With you on bad beat stories. Blahhhyukk.
Why such a deep rooted hatred for Merlot?
Why all the hate?
You need a hug.
Nolan Replies: I’ll take one. Is Scarlett Johanssen available?
— Nolan
What do you have against tilapia? (With you on the other 100 things).
Nolan Replies: Talapia…..small tasteless fish, no flavor, little texture, pretentious. No culinary value whatsoever.
You forgot- raised in wastewater treatment plants, feeding off discarded sewage.
Why do you hate merlot?
Nolan Replies: Much like Light beer, it lacks the robustness of other reds — cab, pinot, zin, etc. Lack of character, generally lower alcohol content, it’s “wine for beginners,” a “bottle with training wheels.”
— Nolan
Why do you hate Merlot so much?
Signs you’re getting older and becoming less tolerant.
Nolan Replies: Next stop — hateful and then dead.
— Nolan
Yes, yes on most of your politically motivated selections. Some of the others I’m on the fence for.
Why knock things like ketchup.
Nolan Replies: Most ketchup contains high-fructose corn syrup. If the ketchup was freshly made from tomatoes and other ingredients, I endorse it. But anything that requires corn syrup to enhance flavor is basically garbage.
— Nolan
Whitney Houston?? (must have been personal)
Lacrosse – high 5 there (and by implication – European Handball? – Just as silly!!)
Are you coming for WSOP in Melbourne in a few weeks?
Chris
Nolan Replies: Sadly, I shall not make it to Australia this year, a place where I’ve never been. Thanks for asking, Barracuda. In the meantime, I won’t be listening to Whitney Houston either, nor will I be drinking Merlot.
— Nolan