Fast Food Futures

 

 

WHAT’S THE DIRECTIONAL ARROW ON MAJOR FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT CHAINS?

Two things happened today that I’d like to share.

First, the Arby’s Roast Beef location in my neighborhood closed down permanently. Shocker. They’d been open for at least 20 years since I moved to the area. This was a surprise. I also saw that the iconic Arby’s on Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood shut down recently. So, this is apparently a nationwide downsizing.

“Horsey Sauce” is about to become extinct.

Second, I just read a report about Wendy’s that their stock price plunged 75 percent in the last five years. I don’t give a damn about stock prices or investors, but that decline still strikes me as jaw-dropping given inflation and the stock market generally up-ticking within that same time span. Also, Wendy’s is pretty good food so far as an emergency meal when nothing else is open. Maybe my impression is outdated.

I don’t eat fast food often. Many reasons for this. I used to eat at them only when traveling. But, just like everyone else, I’ve been stressed for time, or got out of a work assignment at 2 am and nothing was open except the local McDonalds. Urgh! So, even though I avoid fast-food chains, I’m certainly not immune to them. I also grew up with them, so there’s that. I have my biases (of course!).

I wonder: What’s the future — the directional arrow if you will — on various fast food chains? Places that once seemed viable are now struggling. Other places that I wouldn’t think had a chance to succeed are thriving.

Naturally, I’m appalled by what the masses consider to be edible everyday food. Shudder! Anytime I see a car loaded with kids driving through a fast-food place, I want to call child protective services. Most fast food is fucking garbage. See, I told you I have strong biases. Fight me in the comments section.

Here’s my list (off the top of my head–this is woefully inadequate and incomplete). I’ve added comments and projections as to how they’ll do in the future. Where I’m wrong, let me know. I’m curious as to what places will be gone in a decade versus what chains or trends will emerge:

Kentucky Fried Chicken — Seems the late Colonel will be okay, given their chicken preparation is unique. The “original” recipe is still pretty good. My only complaint is, KFC used to be cheap and always reliable. They got much more expensive and except for those fluffy buttermilk biscuits and mashed potatoes, most of the side dishes suck. Marieta likes this chicken so we get it with a coupon sometimes. Arrow–Neutral

Long John Silvers — Back when I was in high school in the 1970s, I loved their beer battered fish. I also felt bad for the poor servers making $2.35 an hour who had to wear those stupid-ass pirate uniforms, but the golden fish filets and chicken planks were addictive and also terrible for you (recall “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” and the prick balding tubby manager telling the kid-worker “the pirate uniform is part of the customer experience.”—-I’m still laughing). This chain has plunged in quality over the years and probably has no future. One lone store affiliated with KFC is open near me. It’s like pouring cholesteral with duck butter straight into your arteries and a calling card for an ambulance. My LJS days are done. Arrow-Down

McDonalds — Too big to fail. Way too big. They will always be around. Someplace. I presume they’ll make a fortune in developing countries in the decades to come. For me….microwaved food–yuck! Breakfasts are still decent, and besides, what else is open at 4 am? I read someplace that potato production in the USA was completely bastardized by McDonald’s since they are the largest purchaser of potatoes in the world and most farmers switched to the Russet, because they were easy to grow and sell. Arrow–Neutral to Up

Burger King — I have no idea how they stay in business, except they can claim to serve real “charbroiled? burgers. Everything in this chain sucks ass. Grew up with them and remember the cardboard crown you would wear, and I used to love the Mustard Whopper, but the last time I ate at a Burger King (Dupont Circle, 1999) I was embracing a toilet for the next 36 hours. Arrow–Neutral to Down
Carl’s Jr. — Ate at one of these chains just two times in my life. Both were horrible experiences. I don’t know how this chain stays open given the better quality of food elsewhere. Cheap, salty, nondescript food. Arrow–Down

Canes — I absolutely love Canes! Those chicken fingers with ridged fries, fresh garlic toast, and ramoulaide sauce all in a lunch box with a jumbo drink for $10-11 is an absolute steal. Marieta (wife) hates fast food. She loves Canes. Trouble is, the nearest drive thru line is usually long and I don’t sit to eat fast food. I’m a big fan of Cane’s–always good affordable food. I hope they expand and do well. Arrow–Up

In and Out — I’m a fan. But this was a slow metamorphisis for me. Very well run restaurant that’s solid on ingredients, service, values, and the realization to stick with what they do best and quit worrying about adding menu items and trying to do too much. Reminds be of a Costco, except for burgers. Some people don’t like In and Out. I take exception to that. Every location I’ve been to delivered a positive experience and a tasty meal, and they sure do manage the crowds well. Arrow–Up

Sonic — This used to be a very good drive-in, with the food delivered like at a 1950’s “Happy Days” episode. Do the servers still wear roller skates? Twenty years ago, I’d have given this a very high grade. But then, they went cheap on ingredients and it doesn’t seem there’s as much a market for people who want to sit in their car and eat. That could be a Las Vegas thing, perhaps–after all, who sits in a blazing car and eats a hamburger when it’s 111 degrees outside? Plus, you can’t order an ice cream when it’s that hot. It melts all over the steering wheel. Trust me on this, I know from experience. I’ve got a Honda Civic that smells like stale hot fudge to prove it. Arrow–Down

Five Guys — Excellent hamburgers, but gawwdamn — expensive! Burger, fries, and drink cost about $20. You can get a meal for half that elsewhere (admittedly, you get what you pay for). I think they make a top-5 burger, overall but hate the french fries jerked with all that salt and pepper. Announcement: A fresh cut potato should not need the cook to jerk off the pepper to make it tasty. Leave the food alone! Let the natural flavors flow, especially if they’re using good ingredients. I suspect this chain may have maxed out it’s popularity, but I could be wrong. Does my friend Russell Rosenblum still own all the Five Guys in the Northweast. I tried dropping his name here in Las Vegas, and the bastards still charged me full price. Arrow–Neutral to Down

Chicken Filet — Hate their politics but pretty damned tasty chicken sandwich in that foil wrapper and the service and line management is stupendous. I think I’ve had three meals here and they were surprisingly good, and I can still taste those pickles, with the sauce, the chicken filet, and the toasted bun. I wish they weren’t right-wingers….or I’d go there more often. Arrow–Probably Up

Sbarro — Shockingly serviceable as decent fast Italian food. Got used to them when I traveled a lot and there was always a Sbarro in any airport food court. Tasted nearly everything on the menu and for the money, and given Italian is hard to serve in a quick take-out, they do a great job. I wouldn’t expect to like this, but they really do a stellar job on the fare with surprisingly wide variety at a fair price. Arrow–Up

Jack in the Box — Grew up with them and damn those tasty burgers with the Big Boy-flavor sauce were great many years ago. Now, I wouldn’t touch them unless it was an emergency. What they do nail to perfection is deep fried tacos, which are like 2 for $1 and for $5 you can smile for about ten minutes then suffer a greasy stomach ache for the next two hours. Those tacos are food crack. I admit to many drive-thru taco binges after a long poker session and wolfing down the whole bag and contemplating whether or not to drive-thru again for a repeat. Once, I saw my dentist coming into the office (I was in waiting room) with a bag of Jack in the Crack tacos and he told me, he was an addict, too. JackyBox sucks, except for those tacos. Arrow–Neutral.

Taco Bell (or any fast-food Mexican) — No fucking way. Vile. Last meal at a Taco Bell was about ten years ago. I thought I was experiencing a hangover. It was the shit tacos. Later, I read the “ground beef” in those tacos isn’t even real. It’s like ground sawdust flavored with fat and chemicals. I fucking hate Taco Bell. It might be the worst food abomination in the history of the universe. Of course, they’ll be around forever given food tastes and mass stupidity. Directional Arrow — Neutral to Up

Fatburger — Used to be great, now decent. But nowhere near years ago when it was a real gourmet burger with those steak fries. I have no idea how they will fare in the future. Maybe this is just a Las Vegas chain. I really don’t know. Good milkshakes. Arrow-Unknown.

Wienerschnitzel — Horrible. Never again. And they were great 50 years ago. Trash. Arrow–Down

Panda Express — Asian fast-food, which I think is excellent for the money. Great variety. Usually, this was an airport emergency meal for me, and they always provided a decent experience. Surprisingly creative and good flavors (most communal served food is bland). Arrow–Neutral to Up

Whattaburger — This was a Texas hamburger chain. I always thought they were okay, but I don’t get the food worship. Best recollection I have was the diced onions on the burger (was that right?). But all the other stuff was frozen. I don’t get what the big deal is. This popular Texas chain just opened a Las Vegas location. I might give them a try at some point if I swim across the strip wearing a pink tutu after winning the lottery. Otherwise, I’m not much interested. Arrow–Neutral

Salad Express — This new chain opened up near me about a year ago and I was very impressed as they do drive thru salads, but the way they’re prepared and very chilled and made on the spot with fresh ingredients and quite a bit of variety was very impressive and of course salads are much healthier than most fast food. But they seem to be struggling. I see very few cars there and I’m usually the only car in line when I’ve done the late snack which is a couple of salads to go which is always less than $20. Solid quick meal, but I don’t think they have much of a future which is surprising given the healthy eating craze. Arrow–Neutral to down

Never eaten before at Popeyes….Jolibee….Habit…..Farmer Burgers….Wingstop (I despise chicken wings). SmashBurger is okay, Friendly’s is also pretty good. What am I missing? Voice to text here.
Okay, your turn. Comments welcome, especially comments about which chains have great vs. terrible future prospects.

By the way, RIP Arby’s. Isn’t this sign perfect??? LOL!!! You can’t make up a sign like that, especially of a SHUTTERED restaurant! Hint: maybe the first guy they should hire is someone to replace the light bulbs.