Your Chance to Meet Me in Person for $250
I read Britney Spears charges $2,500 for fans to meet her.
This is no joke. READ HERE
Apparently, some mindless sycophants are so fucking whacked-out and star-struck by a celebrity that they’ll fork over what amounts to a week’s pay for most American families for the once-in-a-lifetime shot to be standing inside the same room with a lip-synching diva for about three seconds. That comes to about $833.33 per second. However, the suckers aren’t allowed to touch fragile Brit, nor even speak to her as she shuffles by. What a bargain. Did anyone pay five grand for double-time?
Apparently, this mind-boggling nonsense isn’t at all unusual in today’s twisted entertainment industry, as many other stars milk their fans dry, as well. Someone named Justin Bieber bleeds his devoted flock of followers for nearly the same amount. He reportedly showed up to one of the gigs in South America drunk and hiding behind a pair of mirrored sunglasses and hardly spoke to anyone in the room, which pissed a lot of people off.
Brit apparently did the same “I don’t give a shit” act with her fucked-up faithful here in Las Vegas a few weeks ago. Many of those desperately in need of some serious counseling were shocked and outraged that Brit spent only a short time in the room, appeared totally disinterested in the spectacle, waved to the crowd, and then said goodbye.
Hey people, three words: YOU GOT FUCKED.
Two more words: BIG TIME.
I asked Doug Elfman, the wonderfully witty Las Vegas Review-Journal writer, if his report was totally on the square. He assured me it was.
I revealed to him that I wouldn’t let Brit blow me for $2,500. Okay well, maybe if she paid me, I would. But I don’t want her bragging to the press about it.
Seriously, $2,500 bucks to stand next to someone because they’re famous?
Well, maybe it’s time I got in on the act.
SPECIAL OFFER! Here me now. I’m offering a special. Over the next month, I’ll be charging $250 for the chance to stand next to me for ten seconds. Photos cost extra. Unlike Brit and Bieber, I’ll speak to you if you throw in anther $100. For a grand, you’ll get a photo with me, a fake smile, and ten seconds of my wisdom.
Then, get lost. I’ve got more hands to shake and a bar stool waiting for me with an open tab.
If you’re interested in this special offer, get in touch with my agent. That is, when I find an agent.
However, this offer does not apply to Britney. Honey, for you it’s the full $2,500. And you get just three seconds with me, that’s it. What goes around comes around.