Bewitched

 

 

Spencer Tracy once told an interviewer, “Acting is not an important job in the scheme of things. Plumbing is.”

Never have truer words been spoken. WE NEED GOOD PLUMBERS. More young people should take up plumbing, and other trades, rather than aspiring to be DJs and Social Media Influencers. I mean, let’s get real.

Okay, jumping off one soapbox and onto another….

 

The main water line broke from the street to the house a few weeks ago. The mess began as a small leak, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t fix itself and required a major repair. So, we began calling plumbers.

I’ve been burned by half-assed, scam-sucking, pretender-jokers off CraigsList before as well as Central American discount “specialists” culled from the parking lots of Home Depot. No more. Lessons learned. Most are stupid and lie, and the others are lazy. I seem to get the stupid AND the lazy. One time, a worker even stole my tools (red flag–contractor wants YOU to provide the tools for the job). This is a MAJOR repair, costing (presumably) thousands. Estimates were, the entire pipe dug up from 50 feet from the street to the house cost $3500 to $6000. Oh, joy! C’mon Packers, cover the point spread! Daddy needs a brand new water main!

Well, we went the usual “get three estimates” route. The first guy named Nick pulls up in a new Mercedes G-Class (a plumber driving a Mercedes!) looked at our job and didn’t even bother texting us back. Ass joker. He’s either too busy or just doesn’t want to deal with us. The second guy was from Elite Heating and Plumbing, which we have used in the past on repairs, but they are expensive as a Monaco wedding. They do good work, with guarantees, but the markup is 50 percent. $5700 was the estimate. This now brings us to PLUMBER #3.

We got this PLUMBER’s contact info off Next Door. Next Door is an app for local discussion, and posts relating to contractors are pretty accurate. Who better to ask for a good plumber than one of your neighbors? So, we called the guy and he showed up an hour later to provide a free “estimate.” So far so good, even though his van looked like the vehicle in the Dog Wash scene from Dumb and Dumber.

“Where’s the water leak,” the man asked.

“We don’t know. It’s someplace between the street and the house.”

“Well, I’ll find it.”

With that, the man steps into his van, comes out with two coathangers. I shit you not. He then starts bending the ends off the coathangers. Finally, it snaps and after a few minutes, he’s standing there with two coathanger wires bend into an L-shape.

“What are those for?

“There are WITCHING STICKS. They find your leak.”

Marieta was standing next to me. I tried not to make it obvious. I look over at her, and her eyes are bulging out like she can’t believe what she’s seeing and hearing from this “plumber.” I restrain myself from just telling him thank you and goodbye. Let the man do his work. Who knows, maybe his witching stick will work!

The man does exactly what you’d expect, holding onto the ends of the rods and (supposedly) they will start turning when they *find* water.

I swear, this is what he said next:

“The minerals in the water trigger the witching sticks to react. See them turning now?”

Okay, let the man do his thing. If he finds water, I’ll have a come to Jesus moment. The yard is his, just find the fucking water leak! (no I didn’t say this, but I was thinking it).

The man walks back and forth across the yard a few times and the coathangers, err I mean the “witching sticks” (aka dousing rods) are pointing all over the place depending on where he steps. But when it comes to locating the exact spot of the leak, he doesn’t seem to know diddly-ass fuck.

The dousing plumber walks around a bit longer, turns some faucets on and off, then reports to us that he’ll be in touch by text with an estimate. At this point, I’d hire the blind El Salvadoran off the Home Depot lot before this guy, but hey — let him give us the estimate. This comes a few hours later when we get a text for $1500. Hmmm, $5700 vs. $1500. How much do I want to gamble?
Long story short, we got another estimate and they did the work (a terrible job, they left a mess) for $3,000. Some regrets on that, but to save $2700 it’s probably worth a day of my time cleaning up the shitshow they left behind.

So, if anyone on the West side of town is looking for a plumber, be careful about the guy with witching sticks. It’s tough to find good contractors in Las Vegas.