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Posted by on Jan 10, 2022 in Blog, Travel | 1 comment

Being Alone

 

 

What does being alone mean and can someone be happy living and working alone?

I know many single people. However, it may be wrong to classify them as “alone.” That’s because being “alone” conjures up something sad. Being alone implies loneliness. No one wants to be isolated and feel lonely.

But loneliness can also be a state of mind. Loneliness is not something I associate with living and doing many things alone, not based on many single people I know. In fact, when thinking about these individuals, I find them to be (generally speaking) more outgoing, demonstratively social, reasonably happy, and even more content in their lives than their counterparts of similar ages and economic means who are not alone, which means those in relationships (such as marriage) or people who live and/or work full time with others. Besides, we all know people stuck in unhappy relationships for whom being alone would be an improvement to their lives.

I have no evidence to support this theory, which is one reason for this post — feedback here is welcome. My theory is this: On average, single people might be happier than married people (or those in long-term same-household relationships). Obviously, there are exceptions. But Maslow’s hierarchy of needs does not specifically cite marriage or steady relationships as vital. Rather, the pyramid encompasses physical needs, intimacy, and friendship. One could certainly satisfy those cravings being single, especially living in modern society.

But it’s much more complex than that. When I traveled regularly for work, about half of my time was spent on the road in hotels. Since I worked odd hours, dining out alone was quite common. Many times at restaurants, they tried to shuffle me up to the bar or place me at a small table squeezed in with other people, even in places that weren’t at all busy. Perhaps it was just assumed that singles inherently desire to be with others. That was far from the case with me. Frankly, I’ve always liked dining alone. Not always. But sometimes. I can be with my own thoughts, read a book, check emails, or just quietly relax under no pressure (watch a funny video about dining out alone below).

 

 

However, would anyone want to go on a long vacation alone? That’s difficult to answer. Let’s assume your spouse wasn’t a factor, as impossible a prospect as that might be for most of us. Typically, I’d never take a long vacation without Marieta, but if I was offered some bizarre opportunity to visit an interesting place, would I do it? Would you do it? What if you had a chance to take a trip around the world for two months, all expenses paid, first-class the entire way — but the stimulation is, you must travel alone. Would you accept?

I’d probably take the deal. But it would be due, in part, to being able to write about it, make videos, and reflect upon my experiences later. In short, I would enjoy traveling solo ONLY if I could share it with others in some fashion. So, that’s not really being alone, is it?

I wonder how our childhood experiences impact how we perceive being alone when we become adults. My mother was an only child, and she’s often remarked that she likes being alone. I grew up as an only child as well, and share the outlook. But many people I know, especially those who grew up in large families, feel a strong desire to frequently be with others. Some even exhibit anxiety when left alone for any length of time. These reflections are anecdotal, but I believe some correlations do exist.

With shrinking spaces and diminishing resources, the oddity of it all is that increasingly, many of us are forced to live closer together, mostly packed into cities. However, being in close proximity doesn’t confer togetherness. How many of us have lived next door to someone for years but don’t know their names? No doubt, many of us feel more connected to people we meet online and via social media than face-to-face real-time contacts. That’s sure to create not just physical ramifications, but psychological ones, as well.

 

1 Comment

  1. Nolan,
    I really enjoy my alone time. Although I love to socialize and hang out with friends, I like it when everyone is gone and I have no responsibility to anyone but myself.

    Yes I would jump at the opportunity to travel first class for two months around the world alone…when should I pack?
    Hugs,
    Linda

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