Auto Racing Coming to Las Vegas? I’m leaving Town.
The blistering orange-coned streets of Las Vegas are about to be filled with speeding cars, reckless maneuvering, plumes of smoke, and serious danger for those walking the sidewalks. Wait. Isn’t that basically any Las Vegas street on a Friday night?
With substantial fanfare, it’s just been announced a big auto race will happen here in 2023. Basically, everything around The Strip will be crowded and completely impassable. Like I said….a typical Friday night.
Here’s my thought: Auto racing sucks. It’s not a sport. It’s driving a car. I can drive a car. That doesn’t make me LeBron James.
I went to an auto race once — it was even a Formula 1 race, like the one that’s going to happen in Las Vegas next year. The race I attended was held in Houston. I hated it. I was bored out of my skull. But Houston can have that effect on a person.
No, really. I worked a Formula 1 race in Houston in 2006 and the company I worked for even sponsored one of the racing teams. Back then, PokerStars sponsored the Austin-Martin team out of the U.K. It was fucking hell. Houston in mid-summer with 164 percent humidity, then add screaming engines, smoke, the constant smell of gasoline, and burning rubber. What next for “entertainment,” a tour of a burning oil refinery?
Oh, joy!
Well, they’re not going to do that bullshit to my city. Actually, they are going to do that to my city, which is why I’m leaving. Temporarily. And so, I’m planning my vacation right fucking now and it’s going to overlap that dumbass car race.
Really, I want to know — why would anyone watch car racing? A bigger question: Why would anyone *pay* to watch car racing? Finally, a bigger question, still: Why would anyone *travel to Las Vegas* to *pay money* to witness the same view they’d see on any major expressway? What’s interesting about a bunch of cars swirling around a track going in circles? What next, a sport called “Traffic Jam on the Outer Beltway?”
As I said, auto racing is NOT a sport. Let me put it this way, any activity where you can hold a cold beer in one hand while doing it isn’t A SPORT. Any activity where you can vape or smoke dope while doing it isn’t A SPORT (okay, maybe except for golf). Any activity where you can shave while doing it isn’t A SPORT. Any activity where you can order a cheeseburger while doing it isn’t A SPORT. Any activity where you can have sex while doing it isn’t A SPORT. Not with the cheeseburger, hopefully.
Seriously, some people have engaged in sexual activity while driving a car. Really, it’s true. Use your imagination. I suppose the driver sits passively while the passenger does all “the work.”
Wait. Now, I’m warming up to this idea. Hmmm.
Okay, if they toss in a cold beer, I’m game!
