Announcing the Winner of My “Ugliest First Car” Contest
A few days ago, I wrote a column about old cars. Click here to read:
I asked readers to post photos of the very first car they ever owned. As expected, there were some real gems. There were also quite a few interesting “first” cars that didn’t have photos attached. Too bad, those would have been worth a few laughs. Perhaps the readers were too ashamed to post images. Either that or the hair and clothes were way too embarrassing.
Anyway, here’s the results of my “Ugliest First Car” contest. Let’s start with the runners up and then work down to the grand prize winner. By the way, my winner receives a complimentary bottle of his or her favorite beverage (liquor or wine).
LAST PLACE FINISHER: This entry had absolutely no shot to win an “ugliest car” contest. I mean, this car was way too cool. Check out this bad-ass 1968 GTO convertible in nightshade green, with a black top and black interior. Anyone who drove that as a first car was a total boss. Chuck Weinstock must have been a real stud in high school gliding on top of this set of wheels. I call this baby a real “hot ass magnet.” Right, Chuck?
HONORABLE MENTION: Jason Victor Gronvold, from Fargo, ND drove this 1980 Buick Regal as his first car, which he nicknamed “The Illegal Regal.” With the raised-letter tires, it’s way too slick to be declared the winner. Nice entry, though.
HONORABLE MENTION: Here’s our only foreign entry, which comes all the way from Germany (then known as “West Germany”). It’s a 1976 Ford Taunus (as opposed to Taurus, I guess). This car belonged to Ernst-Dieter Martin, who by the way happens to be the webmaster of this site. These high-tech guys usually drive nice cars, and Herr Martin certainly started behind the wheel in style.
THIRD PLACE: Check out this gas-guzzling old boat! What did it get — like 7 miles to the gallon? This car is awful in just about every way, from being a two-door “luxury car” (imagine crawling into the back seats), to the faux leather roof (the worst design of all time is making the roof out of cloth when the rest of the car is metal). This third-place finisher belongs to Sammy Action. By the way, if Sammy was driving this during the late 1970s, then he must have been a real stud. But if he was driving it anytime after 1990, he was probably the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood. If he’s driving it today, he’s a stud again. Funny how that works.
SECOND PLACE: Here’s Ken Kubey’s 1963 Buick Riviera. Good for the runner-up spot in the contest. Note: If Kubey’s car would have had a few dents and ripped up upholstery, he might have won. Bad beat for Kubey.
FIRST PLACE: Wow! What a shitbox! Check out this appallingly ugly 1965 Plymouth Fury. No hubcaps. White color. A dent in the side. And a two-door (what lunatic would ever buy a two-door car?). However, one does have to admire the white stripe on the tires, good for extra style points. Our winner is Andy Hughes, from Las Vegas.
Congratulations, Andy Hughes! What would you like for your bottle, Sir?
Gheeezeeee
I’d have won this too.
1966 dodge dart puss case. Lol
I snooze… I lose.
Surprise me with whatever bottle you want and just bring it to BARGE, Nolan! 😉
Needless to say, any of these cars, in the condition shown in the pictures, would draw a handsome price today.
If it wasn’t for the brown color I would remove the ’80 Buick Regal from the “honorable mention” category.
I remember my father’s ’78 Buick Regal 3.8 Turbo (exact same body style as the ’80 in that photo). Baby sky blue with velour seats. Just loved riding in that car when I was little. A real cream puff.