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Posted by on Apr 1, 2021 in Blog, Politics | 1 comment

Advice for Derek Chauvin: Hire a Social Media Influencer!



Derek Chauvin has a problem.

It’s not just a legal problem, though that’s certainly a big deal.

I’m talking about a public relations problem.


Chauvin, the ex-Minneapolis police officer brute who murdered a defenseless suspect in broad daylight in front of at least a dozen witnesses setting off last summer’s protests and riots all across America, needs to do some serious work on improving his image.  Call it an “image makeover.”

The best way to do a Derek Chauvin’s makeover is as follows: Hire a social media influencer!

Think about it.

Chauvin has become our generation’s target social outcast.  It’s as though James Earl Ray and Mark Fuhrman birthed a secret hate-child.  Meanwhile, check out the other side.  The mainstream media has fawned over George Floyd’s dead body for months, apotheosizing the ex-security guard and dope fiend into the new Nelson Mandela.  Floyd had more fiery eulogies and public funerals than Kobe Bryant.  Now, that’s some serious P.R.!

Accordingly, Chauvin and his defense team now need to go on the offensive.  Big time.  Forget about taking out full-page newspaper ads or creating television commercials.  That’s so 1985.  Social media influencers are now where it’s at.

These tweeting twerps reach millions.  They mold minds.  Look at the raw data.  James Charles, a 21-year-old make-up artist/Internet personality, has more Instagram followers than the Twitter accounts of Paul Krugman, George Will, Thomas Friedman, and Maureen Dowd combined.  

Okay, so everyone knows Chauvin is plainly guilty.  The murder is on video.  But hey, anything’s possible now.  One-third of the country still believes Trump won the presidential election and the U.S. Capitol was stormed by Antifa.  See what power marketing can do?

That’s the solution.  Create an alternative reality.  Social media influencers like James Charles (25 million followers), Chiara Ferragni (22 million followers), and Gigi Hadid (61 million followers!) have their grovelers believing Taco Bell is health food and TikTok is Rolling Stone.  They’re not just movers and shakers of mass media and public opinion.  They’re magicians capable of making miracles.

So, Mr. Chauvin, it’s now up to you.  The decision is yours.  Your whole life has been put on hold.  When it comes to your image makeover, don’t choke.

Oops, bad word choices there.

1 Comment

  1. Innocent until proven guilty. Was this cancelled also?

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