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Posted by on Jan 16, 2023 in Blog, Essays | 1 comment

25 Things I Have Zero Interest In




“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

— Dean Vernon Wormer (Animal House-1978)

1. Your Wordle score [Please. Spare us. Just stop. Make it end. Outlaw this! Bring back firing squads!]

2. Celebrity gossip [who’s marrying who? who’s divorcing who? who’s fucking who? who fucking cares?]

3. Your bitchfest on the price of gas or eggs [while you brag about buying a new $53,000 car and willingly pay $350/night for a hotel room on the Las Vegas Strip]

4. Bad beat gambling stories [unless it’s really, really incredible, or it’s *MY* bad beat gambling story.]

5. What The Bible says [like I care what a tribe of semi-illiterate peasants from the Bronze Age thought about birth control, and besides I don’t read historical fiction]

6. Whitney Houston’s life and death [good riddance, she was a junkie scumbag]

7. The show you saw on the streaming service no one subscribes to [gee, glad you enjoyed the 22-part series on Panahuluflix that was seen by 1,817 viewers–now do this…try watching Netflix or HBO, or — hold onto your asses…..PBS….which is a shitload better but is also also watched by 1,817 viewers who donated during the pledge drive and got the free chef’s apron.]

8. The political opinions of [fill in the blank-Steve Bannon, Ben Shapiro, Chuckie Kirk, Bowtie Boy etc.-right-wing leeches getting filthy rich off of divisiveness and ignorance]

9. The scientific opinions of non-scientists [Dear Ku Klux Karen: Watching a 4-minute YouTube video on climate change doesn’t make you an “expert.”]

10. The medical opinions of non-medical people [I have this itch, can you help me scratch it?]

11. The economic predictions of financial Scientologists [crypto-slingers]

12. Election denialism [they’ve become the equivalent of crumbling monuments to the Old Confederacy, denying defeat, half pathetic/half laughable]

13. The debate on Die Hard being a Christmas movie, or not [the debate over – it’s a Christmas movie!]

14. Facebook memes [crutches for the lazy and mentally disabled–try composing an ORIGINAL thought of your own for a change]

15. Lacrosse [seriously, who watches this shit? A bunch of rich fucks who couldn’t make the football team from Duke playing against a bunch of rich fucks from Brown… who fucking cares?]

16. Upstart professional football leagues/spring football [soon to be bankrupt professional football leagues-how many failed football leagues is enough?]

17. Poker tournament structures [second only to Wordle puzzles on the boredom scale]

18. Your chip stack at the end of the first round, day one, etc. [Spare us! Unless you’re playing in the Main Event of the World Series of Poker, nobody fucking cares!]

19. The polluted water 40 years ago at Camp Lejune [for the love of almighty gawd, we ALREADY KNOW THE WATER WAS POLLUTED! You LIVED another 40 years, now get over it!]

20. Las Vegas weather reports in June-July-August [let’s just clear this up here and now… forecast: HOT!)

21. Your thoughts on someone you haven’t seen in a while who now “looks older” [duh, dickhead!]

22. Hunter Biden’s laptop [charge this shitdoodle with a crime if he broke the law, and yeah, he’s a piece of shit-but he’s also not a government employee!]

23. Social media “influencers” [have any of these tweens and twerps ever posted an original imaginative thought?]

24. Gimmicks, fads, imagery, brands, public relations, spin, marketing [all flash in the pan, get-rich-quick, time-wasting soon-to-expire bullshit — see #23]

25. Reality TV and reality TV “stars.” {they’re not stars, they’re zippo-talented lab rats and proof that Andy Warhol was right]

…..Oh and I almost forgot: #26 — anything to do with the lecherous shitstain attention whoring money-grubbing pathetic inbred vaudeville taxpayer-wasting welfare queen shit show known as the British royal family.


1 Comment

  1. You forgot crypto.

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