2016 NFL Regular Season: Week #13

STARTING BANKROLL:  $10,000.

CURRENT BANKROLL:  $11,284.

I might be the shittiest handicapper in the universe.  Seriously.

Still, I’ve posted enough point spread/teaser wheel winners to be a whopping 11.2 percent ahead of the season.  Stuff that in your Christmas stocking, my friends.  While your 401 K gathers micro dust, I’m pumping out pure profit almost every week.  But hey, as you all know — I’ve been doing this for quite a while.  I know — you’re jealous.

Here’s another thought:  For you fuckers who faded me (you should see the e-mails I get on this after an occasional bad week), what in the hell are you going to do for the holidays?  You must be broke, by now.  You poor things.  One would think you’d have learned your lesson since fading me would have produced just one winning season over the past five seasons.  Fade me on every pick I’ve posted since I started doing this back in 2012 and you’d be stuck about 75 grand right now.  Seventy-five g’s.  Poor fuckers.  Fade away.

Okay, so I’m crowing a little.

My teaser wheel is kicking ass and taking names and drinking expensive champagne.  My (trademarked) strategy — yes, I invented the teaser wheel — lifted me out of a giant hole.  My bankroll was down to about $3 K at one point.  Bad luck.  I hd the right side on the games, but the players and officials didn’t do their jobs.  Over the past six weeks, my teaser wheel has gone on a roll and produced about 8 grand in winnings.  I told you to jump on the money train, but you wouldn’t listen.

It’s not too late.  I’m taking on more passengers.  Choo!  Choo!

This week is the best teaser wheel of the entire season.  I see a perfect hub team, along with 19 spokes.  We should scoop plenty of cream off the top and wash down the profit with even more champagne.  Don’t question me.  I know what I’m doing.  My record speaks for itself.  If you don’t play these games yourself, you’re hopeless.  Sometimes, I even amaze myself.

On to the NFL games for Week #13:

The Green Bay Packers have been a disappointment this season, posting just a 5-6 record which includes a four-game losing streak.  However, they may finally be coming into form with a road victory against Philadelphia on Monday night.  This week, they return home laying -6.5 versus an offensively inept Houston team that DOES NOT WIN ON THE ROAD.  This looks to be a terrible spot for the Texans, who will probably win a shit division by default.  They can lose this game and still maintain 1st place.  Meanwhile, the Packers are in a death fight to survive playoff contention.  Green Bay hasn’t produced the typical blowout-type wins at home we are accustomed to seeing from them over the years, and this looks to be a game where they should roll.  On the teaser wheel, we spin the Packers down to -half point and wheel them with just about every other team on the board (avoiding the crossing of zero).  Here’s the list of wagers, laying $110 on each play to win back $100.

GB – half point with JAX +9.5

GB – half point with KC +11

GB – half point with PHILA +7.5

GB – half point with NOR pick’em

GB – half point with CHI +7.5

GB – half point with SFO +4.5

GB – half point with MIA +9.5

GB – half point with BUF +9

GB – half point with TAMPA +9.5

GB – half point with WASH +8.5

GB – half point with PITT – half point

GB – half point with NYG +13.5

GB – half point with SEA -1.5

GB – half point with CAR +13.5

GB – half point with NYJ +8

Lock up another winning week for the machine!  The train is about to pull out of the station.  All aboard!

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2016 NFL SEASON RECORD

STARTING BANKROLL:  $10,000.

CURRENT BANKROLL:  $11,284.

NET GAIN/LOSS:  + $1,284.

LAST WEEK:  (12-3)  + $970.

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LAST WEEK’S RESULTS:

$110 to win $100 on each of these sides/games.  Total wagers $1,650 to win $1.500:

TENN (pick) with HOU +8.5  W

TENN (pick) with JAX +13.5  W

TENN (pick) with BUFF -1.5  W

TENN (pick) with CINCY +9.5  W

TENN (pick) with ARIZ +10.5  L

TENN (pick) with MIA -1  W

TENN (pick) with LA +14.5  L

TENN (pick) with NOR -2.5  W

TENN (pick) with NYG -1  W

TENN (pick) with SEA (pick)  L

TENN (pick) with TB +12  W

TENN (pick) with CAR +9.5  W

TENN (pick) with KC +9.5  W

TENN (pick) with NWE -1.5  W

TENN (pick) with GB +9.5  W