Which Sells Worse? A Shitty Poker Book or The Holy Bible?
If there’s any doubt religion isn’t quite what it used to be, take a look at the dustbin that masquerades as the “book section” at the local Dollar Store, here in Las Vegas.
Talk about adding insult to injury.
If there’s any doubt religion isn’t quite what it used to be, take a look at the dustbin that masquerades as the “book section” at the local Dollar Store, here in Las Vegas.
On this shelf of hopelessly outdated literary antiques on the other side of the stale candy, you’ll find books about dinosaurs and Ninja turtles. You’ll find 2013 wall calendars (it’s August 2013, right now). You’ll find political memoirs authored by Jimmy Carter. You’ll find a bundle of 1996 World Almanacs. You’ll find strategy books on that old poker chestnut called Seven-Card Stud. But there’s one more book title that may sound familiar.
Amidst this deluge of depression, there’s a glimmering ray of hope for the voice of reason and the future of humanity. Check out the plentiful stock of books located right beneath the title Winning Hold’em Poker.
The Holy Bible!
Bad beat, Disciples!
Hundreds of bibles. All gathering dust. Sitting there while housewives scurry back and forth pushing baskets filled with bleach and porn n’ beans.
To be fair, The Holy Bible is the best-selling book in the history of the world, so long as “best selling” is expressed by the total number of units produced and distributed. Hundreds of millions, perhaps billions, of these works of historical fiction can be found inside homes, offices, libraries, and churches — and now even Dollar Stores!
What a proud moment for the movement.
Indeed, this confusing and often contradictory book filled with pompous characters and graphic violence is texts which essentially justify slavery, sexism, and mass murder can still be found just about everywhere. You can’t stay overnight in a hotel without finding The Holy Bible in the bedside drawer, right next to the Yellow Pages with the escorts section ripped out. Even the world’s hotel guests — which presumably includes millions of anti-theists, Muslims, Jews, and devotees of other faiths — can’t escape the tentacle of Christianity’s claw desperately prodding for attention.
But Dollar Stores take despondency to an entirely new low. These budget stores where every product has been reduced to the price of $1, represent the dregs of mass consumerism. They are the last stop before the recycle dumpster or the garbage dump. Here, the bibles’ brethren includes canned food about to expire, stale pop tarts, batteries with no juice left, and a shitload of worthless tools and electronics that never seem to work.
At least one thing is for certain. You won’t find any books written by Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, or Christopher Hitchens in here.
Nope. Just bibles. Plenty of them. On the aisle across from the bleach and porn n’ beans.
Porn and beans in a can for a dollar? What a deal.
Porn n’ beans lol.
OH NO! Christianity is Finished! Stacks of Bibles on a shelf!! OH NO!
I better follow Hitchens on Twitter.. Oh.. wait.. oops.. Nevermind.
As a side note Nolan, if the Dollar Store is so shitty, what were you doing in there anyhow? Pork and Beans for a buck and a dinosaur book for two?
NOLAN REPLIES: Dollar Stores are great for cheap Pine Sol, Irish Spring soap, Bleach, and the like. I suppose one could even find door stops here. Oh wait, those are Bibles.
— ND
And you said a Bible had no use to you.. Try using a flimsy poorly written poker book as a door stop!