A Leaked Copy of the Obama and Romney National Convention Acceptance Speeches

I’ve managed to obtain my own secret copy of the acceptance speech that BOTH candidates will deliver to millions of viewers, which officially launches the 2012 U.S. presidential campaign.

I got ahold of something no one else has seen yet.  And I’m about to share it with you.

Don’t waste your time tuning in to either of the national political conventions to be held over the next few weeks.

I mean it.  Don’t even bother.

I’ve obtained my own secret copy of the acceptance speech that BOTH candidates will deliver to millions of viewers, which officially launches the 2012 U.S. presidential campaign.

That’s right.  The speech that BOTH major candidates — Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney — will give at their respective conventions is right here next to me.  It’s in my possession.

Here’s the most amazing thing — the two speeches are one and the same.

You read that right — they are identical.  Oh, a few names here and there may be different.  But the same tired old flag-waving jingoistic orgy will be on display at both national political conventions, while tens of millions remain out of work and fear for their future.

But to all the pimps, whores, and spinmeisters who have reduced elections and governance to a marketing enterprise, all that really matters is perception rather than reality.  Style rather than substance.  Simplicity and illusion rather than practicalities and pragmatism.

And the toxic poison that keeps millions fooled, stupid, deceived, and in the dark is a 35-minute script that’s about to be read twice in prime time — once in front of Republicans in Tampa this week, and a second time in front of Democrats in Charlotte during the first week of September.

What follows is a secret memo intended for both major candidates.  The instructions are perfectly clear and they are to be followed to the letter.  Take a look now and tune in later.  Watch how both nominees — President Barack Obama and candidate Mitt Romney deliver their acceptance speeches.

Here’s the script to be posted on both teleprompters:

PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE

NATIONAL PARTY CONVENTION ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

STAGE INSTRUCTIONS AND SCRIPT

Follow on cue:

(1)  Drop thousands of red, white, and blue balloons onto the cheering crowd.

(2)  Allow delegates to stand and cheer themselves hoarse for three minutes.

(3)  Wave to the crowd, first facing left and then slowly turning right.  Then repeat.

(4)  Be sure and point directly at a few prominent VIPs and smile at them as though they are special.  Act as though you’re surprised to see them sitting in the crowd.

(5)  Stand directly in front of the teleprompter, clear your throat, and begin to speak.

(6)  Allow the crowd to interrupt you.

(7)  Step back, smile, wave again, and laugh as though you never expected such adoration.

(8)  Approach the podium again.  Begin to speak and talk over the few crazed zealots who will continue to cheer not realizing it’s time to finally shut up and listen.

(9)  Begin speech, as follows:

My Fellow Americans:

I hereby accept the nomination of my party for President of the United States.

(Crowd goes wild — Repeat steps 2 through 9 above)

This is the most important election of our generation……blah, blah, blah…….This is the most important decision of your lifetime…..blah, blah blah…..America is about to be confronted with bold new challenges…..blah, blah, blah…..America stands as the greatest country in the world…..blah, blah, blah…..American workers outproduce any other workers in the world if only given the chance…..blah, blah, blah…..I want to bring America back together again…..blah, blah, blah…..I intend to protect American freedom…..blah, blah, blah…..I intend to put America back to work…..blah blah, blah…..After I’m elected, I intend to reach across the aisle and work with the other party…..blah, blah, blah…..The nation will collapse if the opposing candidate wins…..blah, blah, blah……I can’t win this election by myself…..blah, blah, blah…..I will need your support……My wife is going to make an incredible first lady…..blah, blah, blah…..America is the greatest country in the world…..blah, blah, blah…..America’s best days are still ahead…..blah, blah, blah…..God Bless America.

Post-Speech Instructions:

(1)  Listen to worn-out pop song from 20 years ago to start playing.

(2)  Watch for more red, white, and blue balloons and confetti to fall from the ceiling.

(3)  Wave to the crowd in all directions for 20 seconds.

(4)  Look for your wife to appear — kiss and hug her when she joins you on stage.  Make it look spontaneous.

(5)  Join hands with wife and wave to the crowd for 30 seconds.

(6)  Look for the Vice-Presidential nominee (and his wife) to appear — handshakes and hugs all around.

(7)  Join hands as the foursome stands together and waves collectively to the crowd.  Look for more confetti to fall.

(8)  Re-cue the 20-year-old music oldie.

(9)  Look for children, grandchildren, and close family members to magically appear onstage and create a mini-mob scene.

(10)  Wave to the crowd, and remember to point at a few key VIPs.

Footnote:  After the show ends, place this speech in your pocket and prepare to deliver it about 2,600 times over the next three months.

Such a nauseating spectacle.

It doesn’t matter what your politics are.  Discourse, debate, and consent have never been more trivialized.

So many serious issues beg for solutions.  Yet, all the little-minded manipulators can think of is to pump out the same worn-out bullshit over and over and over and over again about America being the “greatest nation on earth” and the “best days still being ahead.”

Difficult decisions desperately need to be made.  Yet, all we hear are empty phrases that could just as easily be spoken by pet store parrots, about “moving forward” and “coming together.”

But it never fails.  The bullshit sells better than Big Macs.  The celebrity-worshipping crowds always roar at the applause lines like trained seals performing at SeaWorld.  While Rome burns, everyone’s busy getting drunk on the firewater.

Why has politics been reduced to a giant echo chamber of empty slogans?  Why is our intelligence subjected to a ceaseless bombardment of the lowest common denominator?

I’ll discuss this a bit more in the next daily blog.