AN UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION — EDITION 235
What’s the worst traffic jam you’ve ever been in?
Few things in daily life are more frustrating than traffic jams. It’s not just all the time needlessly wasted. It’s not just the idling on exhaust fumes that seems endless. It’s not just that slow-moving idiot in front of you who doesn’t accelerate fast enough or worse–the assholes that cut into your lane when you’re desperately trying to attack the road and gain another 20 feet of territory like it’s the ’43 Siege of Stalingrad. It’s the emotional brain-fuck of bleeding frustration on a highway while your life is passing you by one white stripe as a time. Oh, and don’t even get me started on rubberneckers. Move it! I want to look, too. Yes, traffic jams are maddening, and inevitable.
I’m not sure which experience was my worst traffic nightmare. I’ve been stuck in midtown Manhattan traffic several times, caught on a maze of narrow streets at 5 pm while trying to snake into the Holland Tunnel in my own redux of “Escape from New York.” But NYC traffic jams seem much worse than they really are. Somehow, midtown traffic always gradually dissipates and everyone gets where they need to go. Such is not the case in Los Angeles Everyone there seems stuck in traffic ALL THE TIME. In L.A., distances aren’t measured in miles, but in minutes, and sometimes hours. It may take an hour (or more) to “drive” just a few miles. I mean, how are there traffic jams at 1:00? And by that I mean, 1 AM? Fuck that. Fuck all the cars.
Probably, the worst thing I’ve experienced was in Las Vegas a few years ago. Las Vegas traffic isn’t really that bad compared to many other cities. However, one time I got stuck in the parking lot of a freeway at a standstill that was EDC out at the LV Speedway–oh, the irony. It took three hours to drive five miles. I could have walked it much faster, with plenty of time to spare. The fact I wasted three hours and half a tank of gas idling to drive to a shitshow called the “Electric Daisy Carnival Festival” made the torture even worse. Then again, compared to EDC, maybe sitting in my car moving at a snail’s pace listening to my own tunes wasn’t so bad.
Perhaps other traffic jams were worse, but that’s the nightmare I remember.
So, now it’s your turn. Share your worse experience and the story.
This is the TWO-HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIFTH edition of A.U.C. Thanks to everyone for participating.
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