OUR LEADERS ARE ELECTED BY MORONS — AND THEY’RE KNOWN AS THE “UNDECIDEDS”
“Why should we encourage people with absolutely no knowledge of issues and an utter lack of interest in civic affairs to suddenly enter a voting booth and start checking boxes for candidates they know nothing about? It’s like begging a 5-year-old to show up on November 8th and be an air traffic controller for a day.”
Everyone says to GO VOTE! Well, here’s an alternative opinion. DON’T!
Our elections are decided by morons. Idiots. Dirt-dumb disinterested clueless rubes.
No matter which year, no matter what election, and no matter who the candidates are — voter breakdown follows an identical pattern. Days before the election, some percentage says they’re voting Republican. Roughly an equal percentage says they’re voting Democratic. So, it’s a close race. Polls are deadlocked. That leaves a small sliver of rudderless voters in the middle who call themselves — “undecideds.” Everyone else cancels each other out, pretty much leaving the country’s fate in the hands of people who believe the President sets gas prices and think coal jobs are coming back.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most powerful voting bloc in America — the 10 percent of “swing” voters who don’t know and don’t care, and can’t be bothered to figure out what the hell they believe in. These are the clueless rubes deciding the future of our nation. Meet THE UNDECIDEDS!
Let’s take a closer look at them, shall we?
Undecideds are easy to identify. They lack any political philosophy. They don’t read newspapers. They don’t watch news shows. To them, current events mean sports scores and reality television scandals. They can’t be bothered with complex details about any issue, because public policy and economics and foreign affairs is “boring” stuff. The best word to describe undecideds is “indifferent.”
They pretend to be unaffiliated. They often complain about the two-party system (with some justification). They often complain all politicians lie and are corrupt (and then, re-elect them over and over, again and again).
But these undecideds are certain to have opinions. Oh, do they ever! They don’t spend a second thinking about issues, but they do have an opinion on just about everything. Just ask them. They’re sure to bore the ever-living shit out of you — whether they’re expressing an opinion on global warming patterns, killer pandemics, Ukrainian military capabilities, or the epistemology of poverty.
I have a heartfelt message for all those “undecideds.” I have something to say to those who lack any political convictions. Listen carefully. I beg of you. My message is this:
DON’T VOTE!
I swear. I will have more respect for you for sitting out another election than pretending that you really care for five minutes while standing there in a voting booth. If you can’t spend as much time thinking about the future of your community and country as deciding what to order for lunch at the Olive Garden, we don’t need you cluttering up the lines on election day and diluting the end results with your indifference.
STAY THE FUCK HOME. Please.
I’m against voter registration drives. No wait, that’s not strong enough. I despise them. Why should we encourage people with absolutely no knowledge of issues and an utter lack of interest in civic affairs to suddenly enter a voting booth and start checking boxes for candidates they know nothing about? It’s like begging a 5-year-old to show up on November 8th and be an air traffic controller for a day.
It comes down to this: The vast majority of unregistered voters haven’t been motivated enough to get involved politically in the past. So, why do we now want them to rush into the current election cycle and cast ballots based on no knowledge whatsoever about the issues or the candidates? Do we really want these blathering undecideds stepping into the voting booth and canceling out the INFORMED votes of people who are already registered and take elections seriously? What kinds of decisions are these kinds of people going to make? Again, think 5-year-olds landing a plane.
This isn’t about partisanship. Even those citizens I disagree with politically are, at least, engaged in the process and can articulate why they support their candidate. I respect that. But do you think some buffoon coaxed into registering in a grocery store parking lot and who don’t follow current affairs, is going to make an informed decision? No! He/she’s likely to vote based on which television commercial he enjoyed most, which candidate amused him, or something his buddy said in a bar after gulping down his seventh beer.
The powers that be know very well how this marketing game is played. It’s why most political commercials are toxically negative. We are motivated more by anger, especially in the closing moments of a campaign cycle. And so, last-minute advertising is geared to the lowest common denominator.
These are the people who will decide our future. The undecideds.
If after all the shit we’ve been through the last six years, you’re still “undecided”….. then please:
DON’T VOTE.
