The best Italian restaurant in Las Vegas is…
….Olive Garden.
According to the Las Vegas Review-Journal and the annual “Readers Choice Awards” released yesterday, Olive Garden was voted as the “Best Italian Restaurant” in Las Vegas.” This appeared in the 2013 edition of the “Best of Las Vegas” section.
Excuse me for a moment.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Among all the outstanding Italian restaurants in Las Vegas and there are many — Rao’s, B&B Ristorante, Barlotta di Mare, Onda Ristorante (Mirage), Valentino, just to name a few — a mediocre family-style chain restaurant best-known for its breadsticks was picked above all the rest. I certainly understand why many LVRJ readers might not be familiar with pricey upscale restaurants. So, instead couldn’t they have chosen something that’s at least decent like Maggiano’s, Cafe Roma, Pasta Mia, Terra Rosa, Brio, or a restaurant in that class? Hell, I could have lived with Bucca di Peppo — which is really testing my tolerance. But fucking Olive Garden?
Excuse me one more time.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
What finished second? Pizza Hut?
Go ahead. Like Olive Garden all you want. I like Kentucky Fried Chicken occasionally, too. But KFC is not the best fucking chicken in the city! How in the hell is this spaghetti house picked among at least 100 decent other restaurants? Vai a cagare!
Until this moment, I was vehemently opposed to the practice of waterboarding, which has been classified as a form of cruel and unusual punishment. In fact, it’s torture. I now wish to amend my position. I’m now in favor of waterboarding. In fact, I want to be the one who administers the torture. Any idiot who voted for the Olive Garden as the “Best Italian Restaurant in Las Vegas” should be should have to suffer some kind of pain and humiliation.
Olive Garden?
Seriously?
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
These “Readers Poll” choices appeared in yesterday’s newspaper. Marieta read this news to me while I was driving. I spent the next 30 minutes screaming profanities, taking it out in what can only be described as road rage.
Later after I finally calmed down, I asked her how in the fuck could anyone be so stupid to vote for the Olive Garden? That’s like asking people who makes the best hamburger and McDonald’s being chosen as the winner. So, if this is nothing but a popularity contest would these same dolts chose Ford as the best car? Or Budweiser as the best beer? She was as puzzled as I was.
What really alarming about these results is — newspaper readers are likely to be more intelligent than average (non-reading) citizens. After all, they subscribe to a local paper. They keep up with current events. They read daily. Moreover, those who actually take time to respond to a “Readers Poll” are probably even more aware of what’s happening in the community — which means being familiar with more restaurants than the average person. So, what does this damning evidence say about the intelligence of the average Las Vegas citizen?
The question is — are these results typical of what one might expect in other cities? Or, is Las Vegas just full of classless morons?
Perhaps the Olive Garden is the only Italian restaurant many people know. This theory is validated by additional evidence. The “Best Italian Restaurant” selection was but one baffling moment of outrage among many. It’s hardly an isolated incident. Consider the other “winners” in various food and drink categories:
Best seafood restaurant: Red Lobster.
Best steakhouse: Outback Steakhouse
Best Chinese restaurant: PF Changs
Oh no……excuse me again.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
We’re going to need a helluva’ lot more waterboards.
VIDEO: My reaction on video to the Las Vegas “Best of” readers poll:
