Let’s face it — just like everything else the Chinese have to come to own the Fourth of July. We’re all getting punked big time. We’re junkies. Check out the label on the box where your American flag is stored. You might be horrified to learn where Old Glory was made. That’s right, even the fucking flags are made in China.
I’ve had it with fireworks.
What’s the point of igniting a bunch of cheap toys that whistle, crack, and pop?
I just don’t get it.
Haven’t we outgrown this morbid fascination with fire and smoke? Aren’t we past the stage of getting off at the sound of a loud explosion? Oh wait — never mind. I forgot that America is a nation of gun nuts.
Fireworks serve no purpose at all. They essentially celebrate war and violence. What other visual comes to mind when the entire city sky is lit up with booming fire? Sorry people, it doesn’t thrill me to look over the skyline where I reside and hope to see a re-creation of what Baghdad looked like during Desert Storm.
Then there’s the obvious. Fireworks are unpatriotic. That’s right. Fireworks are un-American.
Where are all the fireworks made? Answer….
COMMUNIST CHINA.
That’s right.
The Reds have been shipping us fireworks from the moment Chairman Mao was tossing his citizens into dungeons during the Cultural Revolution for blasphemies such as listening to Western classical music.
I realize that we’ve moved way past those Joe McCarthy days of thinking of China as the evil empire. Hell, we’ve pretty much abdicated our entire manufacturing capacity over to the Chinese whose workers have no other option than to work in sweatshops for slave wages so we’ll have enough shit to buy at the Dollar Store. Just re-name the country the United States of Walmart, brought to you by the Koch Brothers.
Let’s face it — just like everything else the Chinese have to come to own the Fourth of July. We’re all getting punked big time. We’re junkies. Check out the label on the box where your American flag is stored. You might be horrified to learn where Old Glory was made. That’s right, even the fucking flags are made in China.
But getting back to fireworks. They’re unpatriotic. They’re violent. They terrify our pets. And, they’re dangerous.
While you’re at the park this evening getting an erection every time the giant cherry ball in the sky pops over the bank building or trying to make your out-of-control kid stop crying, your terrified pet is probably at home pissing all over your $1,500 rug. Reports are that thousands of animals run away in terror, fearing some kind of attack. They don’t understand fireworks are part of a so-called celebration. For dogs and cats, July 4th is a living hell.
Fireworks are even worse in our neighborhoods, where they’re basically used as toys. Last year, I found four-bottle rockets in my backyard. If I had been at home, I would have fired back a few Roman Candles at the motherfuckers who use my five giant pine trees as target practice. Why don’t laws exist against shooting fiery objects at homes? Does the Second Amendment cover that, too?
Tell you what. If you like fireworks so much, then stick them up your ass.
I’ll even be glad to light the fuse. Bam!
I don’t like fireworks. I don’t like them at all.
Happy 4th of July.