Somewhere along the way during civility’s decline in everyday debate and discussion, we’ve lost something far more precious than common courtesy.
That is — the right to be wrong.
No matter where it occurs — with talking heads on television, at online forums and discussion groups, even in public places from classrooms to bars — debate and discussion has morphed into a vicious blood sport rather than a freewheeling exchange of interesting ideas and possibilities. It’s open season everywhere. Truth isn’t necessarily the pursuit, but the target.
Indeed, the objective has become winning at all costs. How one plays the game no longer matters. Achieving a greater understanding of an important issue or gaining enlightenment about something new is a low priority if it matters at all. Rather, the goal of typical debate nowadays is conquering and ultimately destroying the opposition.
Consider the following. When’s the last time you heard these words spoken during a debate: “You make an excellent point.” Here’s something you’ll almost ever hear: “You’re right.”
How sad that we don’t hear each other anymore or care what the other person thinks. When this happens, everyone loses.
Why? Well, debate and discussion are essential ingredients in the fabric of any civilized society. We must be able to talk amongst ourselves. It’s vital. This means people must be able to speak their minds freely without fear of ridicule, or worse, humiliation. Just as we speak we also must do something which is even more important — and that’s listening.
Listening has become a lost art form. In the midst of our debates, how often are we really listening to what’s being said? Instead, aren’t many of us thinking about what we’re going to say next? How is this beneficial?
Check out the “comments” section of any online forum where there’s a controversial topic being discussed. Everything’s now a shouting match, a giant insult factory, a circus. I wonder how anyone gains from this. I fear how much we lose when those sane voices who may actually have some answers are too intimidated to participate in discussions because they see modern debate has gone into the sewer.
Sometimes, it’s even good to be wrong.
Being proven wrong and having evidence presented to us means that we’re no longer ignorant. Instead, we’re enlightened. That’s a victory. Show me, someone, who knows all the answers or insists they “won’t change no matter what,” and I’ll show you a close-minded person who is beyond lost. We are either evolving — and by this I mean our ideas and perceptions are changing as we live — or, we are dying. Every single moment is an opportunity to learn something new that we didn’t know before or were misinformed about, whether the new concept comes from a book, a human voice, the Internet, or perhaps even within ourselves as we quietly contemplate the universe around us.
As dogmatic as I can be sometimes, I maintain the capacity to change and steadily evolve. Times and circumstances change, too. What was once true, may not still be so. Rethinking things should be a constant process.
Many of the things I believed 10 or 20 years ago, I discovered were not true. In fact, I learned I was wrong. Accordingly, I wasn’t too ashamed to admit it and went forward with new ideas and attitudes. This also means I expect to believe some different things in the future, that is, if I’m lucky. Because it I’m lucky that means I came across a more compelling argument that showed me the error of my previous thinking. That’s what I call a lucky break. That’s a good thing.
And that really does seem to be the point of it all — of everything we do. Whether it’s reading, writing, watching, playing, talking, arguing, debating, thinking, reflecting — all these things are done so that we may inch a little closer to a comfort zone that gives us strength and sustenance, and ultimately inner peace.
Unless we all reserve the right to be wrong sometimes, we will never learn. We will never grow. We will never be successful.
Let’s think about this the next time we get into a fiery debate and are inclined to hurl insults. Let’s end with a common pledge, that we think we’re correct, but we also reserve the right to be wrong. And then that happens, change of opinion is a noble virtue.