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Posted by on Feb 25, 2020 in Blog, Essays, Politics | 0 comments

Uncle Dick for President!

 

Al Pacino in Godfather part 3

 

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT, THEY PULL ME BACK IN!

ANOTHER DEMOCRATIC DEBATE, ANOTHER SHITSHOW, ANOTHER COLUMN

“Uncle Dick in the deer stand.”

Did anyone catch that line? Really, check the record. AKlob muttered that pearl midway into the circus shitshow. But “Uncle Dick in the deer stand” got buried in the avalanche of shouting matches with Bernie, plus Bloomie’s miserable attempt at stand-up comedy, and Uncle Joe’s chuckle-worthy gaffe about “150,000,000” dead Americans from guns, a line that I kinda’ wanted to cheer because that would mean I can now find a great parking spot next time at Costco.

Gee, who would have guessed Marrianne Williamson would ADD to the sanity of the debate? Too bad she dropped out.

I think it’s time Liz Warren gets slapped with a restraining order for stalking Mike Bloomberg. Yeah, I know he’s a fraud, a liar, a cutthroat, a racist, a Wall Street scumbag with a deeply-seeded Napolean complex with the personality of a junior high assistant principal, and pretty much the scum of the earth for trying to buy the nomination of a major political party. But hey — who among us doesn’t have a flaw or two?

Tom Steyer seems like a nice guy. Exactly like Bloomberg — except that he’s likable, honest, a decent speaker, and actually a real Democrat. But Steyer has one thing I can’t overlook. That TIE. Good grief man, it’s a Democratic Presidential Debate, not the office Christmas party. Seriously, has he changed that tie in six months? Bloomberg beats Steyer all to hell on the necktie issue. And if I was either one of these billionaires, I’d take every vote I can get.

Speaking of buying votes, Bloomie is paying social media hounds $2,500 a month to praise him. Really, it’s true. You can look it up. The Bloomster’s people are paying 500 social media activists to like, and post, and persuade, and influence all you readers. So, anyone who jumps into my thread and defends Bloomberg is likely a paid agent.

But that’s not nearly as appalling as Uncle Joe Biden pandering…..oops, I mean promising to fill the next Supreme Court vacancy with “an African-American woman” while speaking in a state where 60 percent of the Dems are Black.  Excuse me Joe, but I just heard five Democrats in the front row say they’d much rather have Bloomberg’s $2.500. But it has to be in cash.

During the debate, Bernie was untouchable for the most part, even though the back of his head must have felt like he’d just driven circles through Dealey Plaza. Bernie did a wonderful job doubling down on Castro, Mao, the USSR, Lenin, the Stasi, Nicolae Ceausescu, and Che Guevara, but at least he didn’t mention Susan Sarandon. Not even once. So, let’s give him that.

Speaking of Sanders, I had a huge problem with him claiming the United States overthrew democratically-elected governments all over the world, multiple times. Who does he think he is! That man needs to read some history. How could we elect a president like that who makes up so much nonsense and won’t tell Americans the truth?

Back to AKlob. Her answer to the final question of the night about ‘the greatest misconception” about her was answered with a grand slam. AKlob sheepishly noted that some people think “she’s boring.” AKlob noted that she’s really not boring at all. Not in person. Wow, I feel much better now. I was terrified Klobuchar’s doddering demeanor and forced smile was a put on. I’m so relieved she’s actually a barrel of laughs in person.

Mayor Pete didn’t damage his chances tonight, but he didn’t do much to help his candidacy either, which might be a win for an openly gay man running for office in South Carolina. I figure if Mayor Pete makes it to his car without getting called some homophobic slur, that’s got to be chalked up as a major step forward in the history of civil rights.

Did I forget anyone?

Oh yeah!

Uncle Dick!

Where’s the deer stand?

UNCLE DICK FOR PRESIDENT!

And THE NAKED COWBOY FOR VEEP!

__________

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