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Posted by on Dec 13, 2015 in Blog, Essays | 0 comments

An Ugly Fact: I Went 0-28 in the NFL Last Week (Free Picks!)

 

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I went 0-28 last week in the NFL.

That has to be some kind of record.  Hey, I promised extraordinary things would happen at the beginning of the season.  Well, I didn’t lie.  I certainly delivered!

Zero winners.  Twenty-eight losers.  My losses totaled $3,300.  That’s talent!

Of course, the disaster was entirely due to the breakdown of my squeaky teaser wheel.  It ran off the rails and crashed when the Chicago Bears failed to get what should have been an easy win against San Francisco last week.  Instead, they lost.  Otherwise, I would have picked up about $2,000 in profit, amounting to a $5,300 swing.  Fuck Robbie Gould in his ass for missing the last-second field goal!  There’s also a huge difference between going 19-9 on the week, versus 0-28 — all because the key team in the wheel failed to cover.  But hey….that’s the risk one takes with my favorite betting strategy.

Nonetheless, I do have some big plans.  I intend to be the only public handicapper in America who hits 33 percent winners for the season and STILL somehow produces a profit.  How so?

Consider this week’s six plays, which were posted earlier on Facebook (Thursday).  Note that due to the special Thursday night game, sometimes I post plays/write-ups on that forum (usually because it’s more convenient to do so, especially when I’m out and away, using a mobile device).  Anyway, here are this week’s plays, which are anchored by the Arizona Cardinals (which already covered on Thursday night — barely):

This WILL be counted in my season results (at nolandalla.com), which shows about $6,000 left in the account.  So, I’ve made SIX $1000 wagers which will EACH pay back $909.009.

AZ -2.5 with PHILA +6
AZ -2.5 with SFO +9
AZ -2.5 with WASH +9.5
AZ -2.5 with ATL +15
AZ -2.5 with GREEN BAY -1
AZ -2.5 with MIA +8.5

I’m hoping to go at least 4-2 on these plays, and would be thrilled to hit 5-1, since that would put me into the black for the season.  Seriously, I can’t wait to see Facebook light up like a Christmas tree by end of this season when I’ve got the WORST HANDICAPPING RECORD IN THE COUNTRY, yet still finish ahead of about 98 percent of the betting public.  Like I said, my friends, that takes talent.  Stay thirsty.

Finally, for the sickos and sadists who are interested in my actually capping the games, here’s my final score predictions.  Fade away, chumps!

Cincinnati 31     Pittsburgh 27

Buffalo 24     Philadelphia 20

Carolina 30     Atlanta 13

San Francisco 4     Cleveland 2

Washington 23     Chicago 20

Detroit 34     St. Louis 3

Kansas City 31     San Diego 10

Tampa Bay 41     New Orleans 17

Jacksonville 26     Indianapolis 16

Tennessee 23     New York Jets 20

New England 37     Houston 20

Denver 24     Oakland 13

Green Bay 30     Dallas 16

Baltimore 23     Seattle 20     [Upset Special]

Miami 31     New York Giants 17

 

NOLAN DALLA — 2015 NFL SEASON RECORD

42 WINS – 80 LOSSES — 3 PUSHES

STARTING BANKROLL:  $10,000.

CURRENT BANKROLL:  $6,127.

NET GAIN/LOSS:  – $3,873.

BEST BETS OF THE WEEK:  8 – 8 – 2

LAST WEEK:  0 — 28 — 0 (-$3,300)

 

SEASON WIN TOTALS  — WAGERS

Pittsburgh Steelers UNDER 8.5 (+115) — wagering $2,000 to win $2,300    7-5

Philadelphia Eagles UNDER 9.5 (-110) — wagering $1,050 to win $1,000   4-7 …..winner

NY Jets UNDER 7.5 (-120 /-135) — wagering $1,275 to win $1,000     7-5

Tennessee Titans OVER 5.5 (-150) — wagering $450 to win $300     3-9

Cleveland Browns UNDER 6.5 (-170) — wagering $510 to win $300     2-10 ……winner

 

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