Things That Piss Me Off: Modified Car Mufflers
THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF: #1
MODIFIED CAR MUFFLERS
What is it with modified car mufflers?
I want to SEE your car. I don’t want to fucking HEAR your car. Got it? Okay? I especially don’t want to HEAR your souped-up rally car shitbox at 4 eardrum-beaking AM barrelling down my once peaceful and quiet neighborhood street while I’m trying to get some goddamned sleep!
Get the picture? Can you hear me now?
WHAT KIND OF SICK NARCISSISTIC FUCKTURD IS SO UTTERLY STARVED FOR ATTENTION THAT THEY INTENTIONALLY GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO CHANGE THE CAR’S EXHAUST SYSTEM so that it will make MORE NOISE ?!?!
What’s your point? What are you trying to prove? What a giant ASSHOLE you are? You did it! Mission accomplished! We knew that already when you spent $3,600 modifying your $800 Geo Metro with a yellow paint job, chrome wheels, and mag tires. Oh, plus the boombox stereo blasting the shit music. We pretty much cast our ballots on that one while you were working on your “DJ career” and you won the superprick award.
I’ve seen every make of car modified to make it louder — from Toyota Priuses to Nissan Sentras. I totally get it that some people are poor and/or the mufflers fall off of their cars and they have to drive a shitty vehicle that spews out smoke like a coal plant in East Poland. I’ve driven plenty of shit cars in my life. I’m not disparaging cars that have mechanical issues.
But I sure as Shinola never spent HUNDREDS or (gulp!) THOUSANDS of dollars to ghetto-blast the whole neighborhood, and that’s precisely what prompted this rant. Seriously, there’s one rally car parked on the street behind me. The kid (it has to be a kid, it can’t be an adult –right?) leaves each night at 11 pm. He fires up what sounds like a 767 aircraft engine with a seagull stuck in it, and then lets it idle for 5 minutes. It’s like living nextdoor to a Freightliner mechanic. Every night, like goddamned clockwork. Then, faux-rally-racer asshole drives off. No, make that — RACES off. Why IDLE, then RACE? If he was in a hurry, wouldn’t he jump in the car and drive off. These two acts are incompatible to me. So, I know he’s intentionally trying to put the bug up our ass. I can still hear his muffler as he’s navigating the streets half a mile away! It’s like having a helicopter flying overhead.
The real problem is, these noisemachines are becoming more common. We hear these cars all over Las Vegas, often racing up and down once-quiet streets. Question: Who thinks this is fucking cool? I mean, besides an 18-year-old who just got a driver’s license and maybe antisocial deviants?
Unfortunately, we can’t go vigilante on their asses. We can’t vandalize these cars and assault the owners with lynch mob justice. Besides, ripping off the muffler would just make it louder. So, we’re slaves to these assholes.
Hey — aren’t there code violations here? Traffic laws being broken? Disturbing the peace? What happened to Disturbing the Peace laws?
Modified mufflers should be ILLEGAL. If I ever run for city council, I”m introducing a new law to CONFISCATE all vehicles that have modified exhaust systems. Then, stick the ass-pricks in some Guantanamo-like facility with earphones and force them to listen to muffler blasts all day. That would be sweet justice!
Over and out!