Prompted by a recent discussion on social media, I updated my ranking of the worst monsters and madmen.
The 50 Worst People in the History of Earth — 2020 version:
(1) Donald J. Trump
(2) Fred Trump
(3) Joseph Stalin
(4) Mao Tse Tung
(5) Lloyd Blankfein
(6) Adolf Hitler
(7) Sheldon Adelson
(8) J.P. Morgan
(9) The 2017 Houston Astros
(10) Alex Jones
(11) Idi Amin
(12) Every AT&T customer service representative I’ve ever encountered
(13) Charles Manson
(14) Pol Pot
(15) Britney Spears
(16) Guy Fieri
(17) L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology founder
(18) Sen. Mitch McConnell (hell, let’s just bag every Republican here, except Mitt Romney)
(19) Henry VIII (killed 2 of his 6 wives)
(20) Paula White (Trump’s crazed and grifting evangelical pastor) — Jim Jones (tie)
(21) John Wayne Gacy (killer clown)
(22) Whoever came up with Lexus’ Christmas commercials
(23) Muhammed, the illiterate child molester
(24) Tony Kornheiser (ESPN)
(25) Anyone named Kardashian
(26) David Berkowitz, a.k.a. Son of Sam
(27) The Zodiac Killer
(28) Whoever took panna cotta off the menu at Carrabba’s.
(29) Ted Bundy
(30) Wayne Allen Root
(31) Whoever gave Dane Cook his break as a “comedian”
(32) Gary Busey (insane)
(33) Gary Busey (sane)
(34) Tie: Ivanka Trump–Donnie Trump, Jr.–Eric Trump–Jared Kushner
(35) Vlad the Impaler
(36) My next-door neighbor
(37) James Earl Ray, MLK’s killer
(38) Caligula
(39) Robert Mugabe, the former bloody dictator of Zimbabwe
(40) Whoever invented hard-plastic packaging that’s impossible to open
(41) Gen. Augusto Pinochet of Chile
(42) Anyone at the auto service department at any Volvo dealership
(43) Tony “the Ant” Spilatro
(44) Jerry Jones
(45) Yoko Ono, for breaking up The Beatles
(46) Melania Trump, for NOT breaking up with Donald Trump
(47) Flair Bartenders
(48) Cryptocurrency slingers
(49) Tie: Vice President Mike Pence–The Boston Strangler
(50) The daily regulars in the $8-16 Omaha High-Low Split game at The Orleans
BONUS: (51A and 51B) Joe Buck and Troy Aikman calling an NFL game